Do Not Take This Sex Test Unless You’re Ready To Feel Horrible About Your ‘Number’

sex test

What’s your number?

Sam sent me this sex test just a bit ago. It was very nice of her to try to add to my persistent preoccupation with procrastination. Sam is good like that. Because I’m one for taking tests — as each question is usually about me — I immediately got busy. And it was hard.

While I can plug in the number of my “sexual partners” (give or take a few in either direction), it was difficult to remember ages, and even harder to remember the ages of these partners in relation to where they showed up in my sexual history. There was also the fact of what is a “sexual partner?” Are we talking just intercourse, no intercourse, but oral sex? It wasn’t easy. I probably failed.

You may have heard of Six Degrees of Separation. It’s the idea that we’re all just six connections away from everyone else on the planet. This is the inspiration for Sex Degrees of Separation. By answering the questionnaire below we will be able to calculate the number of indirect (and direct) sexual partners you have had, going back six degrees of separation.

The concept is a means to show just how many people with whom they’re not only sleeping with directly, but indirectly, too. Even when I typed in that I had had just one partner, so I could see exactly what the hell the deal is, the total was far more than a basketball team. In fact, it was more like hundreds of basketballs teams.

Do I feel slut-shamed that my number is over 28 million people? No. Do I think this test is a joke? I don’t know, but it definitely makes a point. Is Sam not getting a half-birthday gift from me this year? Probably. But that’s just because I’m cheap in 2013.

Take the test and see how you feel about it.

Via Lloyd’s Pharmacy

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    • Fabel

      I think my brain just exploded.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Yeah, I’ve been picking up chunks of my brain since I took it.

      • Fabel

        I couldn’t even finish it—I mean, not only am I supposed to remember the ORDER of which every sexual encounter with a new person occurred, I had to also know their age when it LAST occurred?? As someone who “recycles” this was pretty hard/impossible

      • Amanda Chatel

        Fabel. I’m disappointed in you. SUCH A QUITTER. It’s bad enough you’re not on Twitter, but this, too?!?

    • Cee

      Meh, I’m so forgetful when it comes to sex/sex partners (NOT that it wasn’t good), this test would probably just make me feel like an old lady rather than a slut.

      • Amanda Chatel

        So you didn’t take it?! Take it, Cee! It’s really fascinating.

      • Cee

        926,686?! Whaaaat?!

      • Amanda Chatel

        I told you that you wanted to know… kinda.

    • Eileen

      876,853.

      That sounds like a lot. But come on. Most of them were college – at least half of them had had one or none before me. I demand a recount!

      • Amanda Chatel

        Me too, Eileen, me too.

    • b3v

      WOW you guys are dedicated. I started by thinking I didn’t really care (I’m big on no slut/sex/etc shaming ever), but then thought hey, let’s try. And then I saw the GAZILLION questions.
      End of story: I don’t even care enough to fill it out. haha.

      • Amanda Chatel

        SMART WOMAN. It did take a bit… and I know my info was off anyway.

      • b3v

        I mean, I ran into my first bf something like 4 years after we’d broken up and well…drunk times!…so just there, I started questioning everything and decided this was just too much.
        I’ve also been procrastinating all night on a paranormal erotic-novel that’s due Monday so hey, I’m no example for anyone.

    • Leigh

      25,366. I’m paranoid and I’ve only slept with my current bf. Actually he helped me work through my Aspergers (when I first started any sexual activity I would break out in shakes if my boundaries were pushed too far until I really trusted him) and I’ve never really regreted it. *happy sigh* I have a friend though who’s had multiple partners (she’s a very earthy soul, and I absolutely adore her ;) ) maybe I should show her this for the lolz

      • me

        I’ve only slept with by bf and got a similar number, but he has been with 7 people and only got 5000! What?!?

    • Jenny

      Ok – I take issue with this asking the age he was when you last slept with him, and not asking if you were in a monogamous relationship. I last slept with my husband when he was 28 (yesterday), but we’ve been married 6 years. Is it assuming he’s heen cheating on me?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Well, considering this test is the devil, then yes. The test *is* assuming that he’s been cheating.

    • Matt Finish

      I got 0. I’m not sure how I feel about that, since I clearly put 12 down for the number of sexual partners I’ve had. I’m not a science person, but shouldn’t that number be at least 12?

      • Amanda Chatel

        The test clearly wants to confuse you… it’s fucking with your emotions!

    • MR

      My second lover was 15, when I was 15. Her name’s Faith. Actually lovers 3, 4, 5 (Gerry, Gloria and Denise) were also 15 – that was over a year, the latter two are a year younger than me. This system is dissing the ’70s. :) Do you want me to run the number after I turned 16?

    • Sherlockia

      Yeah, my husband and I have had only one sexual partner each. Really. So, I think the test is stretching it when I put in 1 and it told me I had direct/indirect contact with 9,000 others.

    • Amanda

      Yeah, I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 15 & he has only been with one person besides me, and he was her first… So my number of 256,336 is pretty off, as well. It’s more like 2.