• Mon, Mar 25 2013

Survey Says: When It Comes To Marriage, Nobody Prefers Blondes

blonde-vs-brunette

Bummer fact: only the top half of this woman’s hair was able to marry her fiance.

When it comes to the age-old non-battle of blonde vs brunette hair, history has been pretty clear on the matter. Everybody knows that gentlemen prefer — HOLY CRAP, GUYS. Hold. The. iPhones. Apparently, men primarily want to marry brunettes, according to some ridiculous survey that shouldn’t really exist. Brunettes of the world, rise! Dance! Your time has come!

NOT YOU, JAY.

According to Telegraph, a survey by UK beauty and health retailed Superdrug says that men prefer to marry brunettes. The company asked 1,000 men their opinions on the matter of which hair color they would prefer to marry; 54% said brunette, 16% preferred blondes (gentlemen, obvs) and the remaining 30% didn’t have a preference because having marriageability assumptions based on hair color is ridiculous.

By “marriageability assumptions,” by the way, I mean that the 54% who chose brown-haired ladies as their futures wifeys believed that the following things were more true for brunettes than other hair colors. Brunettes:

  • take better hair of their appearance.
  • make better cooks.
  • are more sexually experimental.
  • can keep the house cleaner.
  • can handle money better.
  • are “deeper” and “more sensible.”

As we all know, women with other hair colors spontaneously combust when attempting to have conversations that are not about the mall, so the survey’s results make perfect sense when it comes to men’s inherently superior personality traits that allow them to delicately analyze and predetermine women’s values based on hair hue.

“Men obviously have their opinions about the colour of women’s hair,” said a spokesperson for Superdrug. Well, yeah: stupid opinions. Stupid, presumptuous, completely outdated opinions.

Also, a side note: listen, douchebag pseudo-scientists, there are lots and lots of men who have hair. A great deal of it is brown, some of it is blonde, some of it is gray or white or purple in a mohawk. Sometimes, there is none at all! So, why don’t you start surveying women on which hair colors they’d prefer to marry rather than pitting blonde vs brunette females like we’re all the third wheel for each pairing of Noah’s arc? Or, better yet, stop doing ridiculous surveys about appearances and marriageability. That would also be cool.

[via Jezebel]

Photo: …love Maegan / Flickr

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  • Sean

    Surveys are usually bullshit on these topics. A proper study would have used actual data collection based on actual couples, not just anonymous guys filling out a survey card saying “I like brunettes because they’ll cook, vacuum, and let me do them in the butt”.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Sean. Why are you up so early?

    • Sean

      I’m at work. Shhhhh.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      Definitely. The kind of people who wrote this survey are the same type who would called a home wherein a single man lives a “bachelor pad” and assume all women watch sappy movies and eat chocolate on our periods.

  • anna

    what about redheads? what are my marriageable skills? do i get a husband? don’t i? i don’t cook!! what is my worth as woman!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      My hair is naturally brown but it’s usually dyed blue. What does that mean for me? WHO WILL MARRY MY HAIR?!?!

    • anna

      we will have to resign ourselves to being mistresses, i suppose. we are the handmaids in the handmaid’s tale.

  • Tania

    After being on the high of Amanda’s article that mentioned long, wavy hair being men’s ideal, I am now brought crashing down with the knowledge that it’s the wrong shade to get men to marry me.

    Oh, woe. WOE.

  • Lilac

    well, my hair is naturally black, but I dyed it brown, got blonde extensions so that it looks ombré, and now my black hair roots are popping out. WHO WILL MARRY MEEEEEEEEE???????!!!!!!

  • Maggie

    Uh… I’m naturally blonde and getting married in a few months, and I refuse to be domesticated! I must be some kind of freak, and my husband-to-be will be severely disappointed when I’m not as good of a wife as a brunette would be.

  • Logikall

    Is author’s name Wah-Wah? Cuz that was a lot of complaining for a study nobody would ever pay attention to if it wasn’t for it being written about. Nobody believed “blondes have more fun” and nobody believes darker hair makes you smarter/deeper…. or better at cleaning items. /reality

  • Asuna_Warrior

    that’s like assuming that all blond guys are jocks or surfers…