• Mon, Apr 8 2013

Betty Draper vs. January Jones: Beauty Showdown

19th Annual Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards held at the Shrine Auditorium - Arrivals

Today, January Jones and Betty Draper are going to have a beauty showdown! Who is lovelier? We tried this last week with Emilia Clarke vs, Daenerys Targaryen and the ultimate winner was, “This game is absurd, because they are the same person!” But who will win this time? I bet it will be Betty Draper, because I love it when people style their hair elaborately and wear fifties style make-up.

Hair:

January Jones: Why do you fashion your hair as if you were a Muppet, January Jones? Did Muppets even have hair? I think they had bizarre little tufts, like the ones you keep fashioning your hair into. You keep doing that. Sometimes I think, “That is fun.” Sometimes I do not think that. Honestly, it can really go either way.

Betty Draper: No, your hair is consistently lovely. it doesn’t move. It is lovely in every single scene. The fact that it does not move does not detract from its loveliness. It is not like a Muppet. It is like beauty in its purest form. Your hair. Your hair is like that. Black, gold, whatever. It is beautiful.

Winner: Betty Draper.

Make-up: 

January Jones: Lady, I do not even understand orange lipstick. I don’t know that anyone does, really. It’s okay! It’s fine! You have your own choices to make, but I always wish you would do your make-up… more like Betty Draper. There. I said it. Betty Draper looks fabulous.

Betty Draper: Your make-up is impeccable. You look perfect. You look absolutely perfect. Was everyone’s make-up perfect and smudge-less in the 60′s? Did they have better products again? I don’t know. You still look great.

Winner: Betty Draper.

Facial Movement: 

January Jones: Unlike Betty Draper, January Jones does appear to smile on a regular basis. Like, a regular “human being with facial expressions” basis.

Betty Draper: However, when Betty Draper does smile, it is heartbreaking. It is the most moving, heartbreaking thing possible. Poor Betty Draper with her very few smiles.

Winner: Betty Draper

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  • anna

    was so excited betty was back and looking fab last night. the whole “you could rape her” scene was highly disturbing though

    • Cate

      I watched the premiere in a bar and there were a lot of audible gasps punctuating the sudden, uncomfortable silence that came with that scene. She was far, far too serious.

  • Rose D.

    Huh? Emma Frost is a psychic with diamond hard skin. She can’t freeze anyone in the movie; I just watched “First Class” last night. I read the comics too, and no freezing there either. Sorry. The cooler/acurate correlation would be that her first name is January, and the character’s last name is Frost.

  • Alexis H

    I have to agree. Somehow January Jones and Betty Draper are NOT the same person. Usually actresses are pretty indistinguishable from their on-screen alter egos, but not her and I don’t think it’s just a 60′s vs. modern day thing. January needs to fire her IRL stylist, because she is 500x better looking in character.

  • Cate

    Yes, Betty Draper wins always. I, too, love Betty Draper. I feel sorry for her because she is tragic and beautiful and lacks the fortitude to just go her own way. Betty forever!

  • http://www.facebook.com/enbrown Elizabeth Nolan Brown

    Why am I just learning that you love Betty Draper, Jennifer??? I thought I was the last Internet defender of Betty Draper. All this time we could have been going for macaron breaks and talking about how perfect her hair is and how she just *doesn’t realize* it’s creepy when she makes child rape jokes. Alas…

  • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

    Four for you, Betty Coco!

  • Me

    I love this article and Betty Draper…even if they are technically the same person. January Jones is nice to her real son but I agree that Betty should win that one because he makeup is fabulous.