I Hate Hair Hearts: Stop Telling Me To Wax My Pubic Hair Because Guys Will Dig It


A few days ago, I saw the movie Trance with Rosario Dawson and James McAvoy. Without going too into the convoluted plot, there’s a point at which you realize that Dawson has been deeply pressured by another character to fully wax her vulva — a pressure that felt very uncomfortable to watch, as Dawson appeared looking anxious about the decision. It reminded me of my own past inner debate with pubic hair, and also of how glad I am that I’ve stopped caring so much about what other people think of my crotch.

Then today, I saw a study on Huffington Post about men’s preferences regarding women’s pubic hair. It made me irritated, but not because of the actual respondents’ answers; no, it bothered me that we’re still being told to do specific things with our body hair in order to please men.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever gotten a bikini wax.

Now raise your hand if you’ve ever gotten a bikini wax simply because you thought that’s what guys wanted.

If you’ve got that hand in the air, we’ve got some good news: That guy might not care as much about your bikini line as you thought. Or he does care, but a full-on Brazilian wax might not be necessary. A new study commissioned by hair removal company Nad’s surveyed 1,000 men and found that their most preferred “look” was not a Brazilian, but rather “‘trimmed and tidy’ –- a well kept ‘lady garden.’”

GOOD NEWS: we’re home-free on the pube front, my fellow hairy beastettes! Can’t wait to go tell my esthetician to fuck off because 1,000 men prefer me to be a garden of lightly fluffy pussy flowers rather than the smoothly-waxed new-car texture I’ve previously been told to have. Thanks for the permission, boys!

Later, HuffPo notes, “Of course no study can speak for all men.” Well, yeah, but considering we’re talking about women ripping off their pubic hair, shouldn’t we be speaking for them?

I realize that it can really sting when people say mean things or feel like rejecting you because of something as arbitrary as how you style your pubic hair. It hurts because it pertains to our choices regarding how we look, and when somebody insults that, it feels truly personal. But if somebody is not interested in you because you may or may not wax a heart into your crotch zone, then that person probably sucks and you shouldn’t sleep with him or her anyway. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s much better than dwelling on how frustratingly serious people’s judgments still are regarding pubic hair.

Listen, folks, let’s be straight about something: you don’t need to do shit to your pubic hair for guys in the same way you don’t need to change your haircut for guys or to “look natural” for guys. Of course, while this study was about men’s preferences (thus my use of male pronouns), this goes for anybody you know who’s pressuring you or telling you so-and-so only finds such-and-such attractive. Fuck them, and not in a good way.

And for the last time, if any design is going down (pun intended), it’s going to be whiskers.

Photo: Shutterstock

Share This Post:
    • http://twitter.com/atlantictiger Amanda Hutchison

      I was with my two best guy friends maybe a week ago and decided to ask them their preference for hair-down-there on a lady. One said they like it shaved, and one said he liked it au natural. I asked each one why, and my friend who likes it bare said he had no idea why. The bush fan said it’s cause he likes to be with women, and if there’s no hair he feels kind of perverted. I then dug into my friend who had no idea why it was his opinion to be on the hair-free side of things because he is manipulated by media. He shrugged and said “you’re probably right”.

      Just thought I’d share. lmao.

    • NeuroNerd

      It was a happy day when I realized that when a man says “All men want/like/prefer x” (where x is something about a woman’s appearance or grooming habits), what he’s really saying is “I want/like/prefer x and am too much of a shallow narcissist to acknowledge that any man could like anything else.”

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        My brain naturally shuts off at all sentences that begin, “All men ____” or “All women _____.” One does not need an active, engaged brain to hear them.

    • http://twitter.com/KathrynDyan Katy Hearne

      I’m pretty sure I cried when I heard what all a Brazilian wax waxed. A little about me: I do not mess with that noise unless I’m wearing a swimsuit the next day, then it gets trimmed. In my 11 years of sexy sex (note: the last 3 have been monogamous) I’ve only had one guy who seemed to notice enough to mention it. I don’t think he had ever seen lady pubic hair before & he wanted me to go shave… like… right then. During the sexy sex!
      I feel that regardless of preference most men are going to be so stoked to be seeing a vagina that a little hair or lack there of isn’t going to matter too much

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        I absolutely, positively need to start using the phrases “that noise” and “sexy sex.”

        Also, what a weirdo dude!

    • Amanda

      I’ve always shaved it all off because of personal preference it feels more comfortable and clean for me. I have an appointment in a few weeks to begin laser hair removal to have it all permanently removed, again, because of personal preference.

      I alway hated when guys say they don’t like the bald look because they feel like a pedophile. I think if you look at a grown woman with breasts, hips, curves, whathaveyou and find yourself thinking of a child that you have some underlying issues you need to address. A woman’s vagina and a child’s vagina look different, for Christ’s sake. I don’t care if you prefer hair, that’s not my business, but I think it’s weird if it makes you think of a child if someone is hairless.

      • Amanda

        Excuse grammar & spelling errors, my phone loves autocorrect.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        Personal preference is totally what I’m all about. I’ve had a couple waxes, but those were by my choice, y’know? I think I’m just frustrated when publications, men and even women insist that we should all do whatever the gender we’re attracted to will like, and that’s just silly.

        Personally, I’m terrified of laser hair removal, but I think I might get it for my arms somdeay, so please let me know how it is!

      • Amanda

        Oh yeah, I totally agree. I’ve gone without shaving for a while just because I felt like it, as well. You just can’t generalize an entire sex based on a few people’s opinions; everyone is different. It’s like saying all men prefer blondes or all women prefer blue eyes.

        I will def let you know how it turns out – I’m going for Brazilian & underarms. I think I recall you saying in previous posts that you have tattoos – if any of them are in an area you want laser hair removal, don’t do it. I’ve heard it destroys tattoos!

      • Psych Student

        My wife started laser hair removal before we met for her whole body. Her sessions (based on the plan she got) ran out so she’s still got a few stray patches but they don’t both me and she only has to do touch up shaves every couple of weeks. I’m not going to lie, I’m a bit jealous. I like to keep things trimmed and that she doesn’t have to do that makes me consider that it might be worth it. And you’re right, she doesn’t look like a little girl! She’s still got a rockin’ adult woman body with lovely hairless lady-bits and I never get confused (though I haven’t ever gotten involved with young girls, so I can’t actually compare).

      • LadieE

        The reason why a child is thought of is because only a child is bare on the private area. It has nothing to do with deep hidden issues. I am a women and I feel the same way. Hair is a sign of maturity. Yes, you can see the breast hips and all that but once you look at the vagina the mind naturaly knows something is off that’s why they feel bad. And if they do you can not fault them for it because again only a child has NO HAIR.

      • meteor_echo

        Well, if somebody cannot distinguish my vagina from a child’s vagina, bully for them. I don’t buy into the “omigod a shaved crotch is so terrible and it makes people think that they have sex with a prepubescent girl” schtick. Also, having pubic hair is not the sign of maturity. I got mine at 14, doesn’t mean I was mature or ready to have sex, sorry.

      • LadieE

        I am not saying that because you have hair you are ready for sex. In layman’s terms; it’s just a sign that your body is maturing into adulthood. And when having sex between MATURE ADULTS most of us have hair.

      • meteor_echo

        You pretty much ARE saying that, once a person has body hair, they’re ready for sex and mature. Not all people who sport pubic hair are mature adults, not all mature adults have body hair.
        Actually, you know what? Mature adults can choose everything about their appearance. Presence of hair included.

      • Moe

        …your logic is well, non-existant. . . what are you like 15?

      • meteor_echo

        Your ad hominems are not even good. Try again dear.
        Also, anyone who uses “like” in their speech as a parasite word has no right to comment on anybody’s maturity level. It’s something that school kids do.

      • LadieE

        I perfer a well kept Honey pot. Thanks!

    • Lastango

      I’d rate the chances that it was a man that came up with this whole shape-the-pubic-hair thing at Absolut Zero.

      • Moe

        Agreed. I believe that women care more about what other women do in these types of issues then most (hetero) men ever will. . . . insecurity

    • Tania

      Like all REAL women who want to get married (the only thing a woman should want in life, except for babies, of course), I make sure to base everything I do with my appearance on whether or not the Daily Mail has approved it.

      • Sophie


      • Alexis H


      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        Boosh boosh boosh. <3

    • Neil

      I find it is usually the women in my life that confuse shaving with paedophilia – generally while trying to tell me why my preferences are wrong. Yet those same women happily shave everywhere else – go figure. You can do what you like to your garden, just like you can make your bolognaise however you like. If you are asking my preference, then it’s
      for a garlicky spag bol and a tidy puss – I like to see sexy inviting lady bits, not an unkempt national geographic / feminist warzone / psychological hangup jungle.

      • Sophie

        Um, excuse me? Feminist war zone? That’s not really an appropriate comment to make.

      • meteor_echo

        I’m a feminist and I remove my pubic hair – because I dislike how it feels. Feminists are not the bra-burning monsters you imagine them to be, and I agree with the previous answer to your comment.
        Besides, “tidy puss” and “garlicky spag bol” sound disgusting. Ew.

      • Amy

        Don’t feed the trolls. I have a feeling this is from a sad 45 yo sitting in his underwear in his mother’s basement somewhere, and the last time he saw a vagina was when he was birthed out of one.

      • thousandwatts

        I laughed.

      • Alexis H

        Ughhhh, you write like a pervert. The phrase “tidy puss” made me die a little inside. Like what you want, but do you have to be so creepy about it?

    • Steve

      The women I hang out with have the self esteem to think for themselves, so the ‘pressure’ to do something or not, such as waxing, shaving, is really more a matter of their own choosing.

      Too bad the author of this article cant say the same.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        Did you even read the article? Because pssst, all of that was addressed.


      • anon


    • RunsWithWolves

      I am a guy who actually loves pubic hair on women. The thicker the better. I will not even go near a shaved or waxed vagina. Don’t even trim it ladies. Same thing for armpit hair. Too many women feel pressure from society to shave it off. There is nothing sexier than a woman with a full pubic bush and armpit hair to match.

      • LadieE

        Really Arm pit hair??…Ummm No
        you must really be a wolf lol

      • thousandwatts

        Telling females NOT to trim their body hair, although maybe not as bad as telling them to put in an annoying and sometimes painful regular effort to remove it, is still telling people what to do with their own bodies, which Samantha’s actual complaint here. That said, I have a wolf boy of my own with the same preference as yours, and I gotta say it’s pretty great to be with someone who is not only okay with body hair but enthusiastic about it. Saving your pits every day kind of sucks.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar


      • meteor_echo

        I will never go near a guy who tells me that my preferences for my body are disgusting. It goes both ways, deal with it.

    • GManJamin

      I think the author is just taking this way to serious. Is it so bad that your partner has preferences? How is this any difference then a woman saying she likes her man with a clean shaven face, not a lot of chest or back hair? If you don’t like shaving or waxing down there, just say no and don’t do it. Just don’t be mad if the guy walks away if he really prefers it certain way.

      • Alexis H

        I agree that people have preferences, but it’s pretty intense to break up with someone over something like this. Similarly, I would not leave someone over their chest hair or whatever. That’s absurd.

      • GManJamin

        Absurd or not, you never can tell what a relationship deal breaker is. Would I leave a relationship because a woman not wanting to wax down there, probably not. What would make me run is the attitude of “I don’t need to anything that pushes my limits because of a man”. This is what I get the sense of in the last paragragh. It seems like she expects a man to take only what she is willing to give and then kiss her feet because of it. A relationship should be a give and take on both partners. She should want to please her partner and her partner should want to please her. Is that saying she has to do everything a man would want, NO. But having long hair versus a short style is not that big of a request if your partner really thinks it make you sexier.

      • Alexis H

        Fair enough, there should always be room for compromise and I definitely choose to accommodate my partner’s tastes whenever I can (it’s just polite). I believe we have come to terms.

    • Diana

      THANK YOU for this. I have two rules in life:

      1) If its physically painful I won’t do it.

      2) If you ask me to do something thats physically painful I won’t do you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=633279271 Evie Rodriguez

        To add to that….do not ask me to do something that you would not do.

    • Alexis H

      I think we’re psychically connected, because I was thinking about this topic recently! You are 1000% spot on with this.

      There’s a lot of peer pressure between women to style their pubes a certain way and it seems kind of stupid for anyone to care that much, especially when guys don’t even pay that much attention (shocking). Live and let live, shave and let shave/not shave because WHY DO PEOPLE CARE?

    • Kori

      Thing is, many women just do it for themselves. It is much easier to clean when you are menstruating (it doesn’t get caught in hairs), when you wear a bathing suit you don’t need to worry about hair showing, etc. Nothing is wrong with being clean shaven, just like nothing is wrong with being hairy.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        Oh I know, that’s what I’m saying: it should be the woman’s choice. Not just outside influence or being told to do it for partners. I’m fine with pubic hair and no pubic hair, just as long as it’s that person’s individual choice.

    • Moe

      Should men use the same reasoning for the hair that starts to grow out
      of their noses and ears? “Yeah its so much work to shave it off so I’ll
      just let it grow uncontrollably and if the women find it disgusting or odd the problem is all
      theirs” . . . Most men shave their face (a very sensitive part of the
      body) every day . . . must some women continue to boo-hoo about performing acts of personal hygiene . . . grow up please . . . news flash . . . people will judge you based upon the way you care for your body . . . news flash . . . different people like different things . . .

    • Steve

      Samantha, as a guy, I could not agree with you more. If some ass clown doesn’t like you just because of something as superficial as what your nether region looks like then he definitely is not the one for you. Ladies, there is nothing more sexy than a confident woman who is comfortable in her own skin. Stop listening to those Ads on TV and Radio that tell you to do this and do that. Stop reading articles that tell you that you should look like this and look like that. Be your own person and do what is comfortable for you. A guy who truly appreciates you will find you soon enough. As a guy there is nothing more irritating than to see women who play follow the leader. Be a trendsetter yourself. Be your own person. P.S. Seeing a woman bald with a Brazilian Wax has never been sexy in my eyes. It looks like a prepubescent little girl. It’s not attractive. I would rather see a real woman.

    • Jen

      Lol…..ok, let’s have men wax their area’s and then talk again….love this!

    • Alex

      I have the weirdest boner right now….but to clarify, from a 21 year old’s perspective- the less hair, the better. If only for the reason of eating out- which i find fun

    • Mine’s more of a Blowfish

      I think men who like my privates to look like they did when I was a child are pedophiles!!! This “Brazillian” look is sick and twisted. It is too far from decent family values. Can you imagine your grandmother with her Hootie waxed? One day, your grand kids will have such shame to hear how you (whoever did it) conducted yourself. And with all these posts on social media… Al Capone’s tomb will not be the only thing Geraldo tries to unearth. There will be news flashes… Grandma waxed her private area then put it on twitter to let everyone see. Shame Shame. Everybody knows your name!

    • Ron

      I enjoyed your post, Samantha. I am intrigued (although not amused) that these recent torture rituals are now being justified in the name of “hygiene”. Was pubic hair unhygienic before then? I think it is also fair to say that whereas the initial push for the bald look came from porn peddlers in the early 90′s, one need only look at magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour to see women enforcing their own orthodoxy.
      Vive les poils, and tell men to wax their balls before making an issue of your pubes.

    • Joe 2Cool4U

      OK.. I am not even sure how I ended up here on this web page… BUT.. since I am here I guess I will throw my 2 cents in from your “average male” perspective. I personally find a woman with a well manicured pubic region to be sexy (I will refrain from using all of the ridiculous, idiotic and STUPID pet name pseudonyms many women use, as seen in some comments on this page – e.g. “honey box”, they are NOT funny or cute). However, I also in the past few years have taken a liking to women who have “hardwood floors” as opposed to “carpet” (for all of you who love pseudonyms). Personally, I prefer a very small “landing strip” above OR shaved, either way. Too much hair is just disgusting, and unsanitary.

    • SmithDoc

      it’s obvious you haven’t even seen the film, based on how you describe certain things that occurred…

    • Chuck

      I have never heard a woman make the same demand, for one single man on earth.

    • thilixud12

      “It made me irritated, but not because of the actual respondents’ answers; no, it bothered me that we’re still being told to do specific things with our body hair in order to please men.”
      If you have integrity, you would extend the same line of reasoning to makeup, hair, and clothing. My (sincere) question is, do you?