• Sun, Apr 14 2013

Red Carpet Rundown: Liveblogging The 2013 MTV Movie Awards Red Carpet

"Gorn" alien from "Star Trek" (C) arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.

Yup.

Earlier today, we told a friend we couldn’t hang out later because we’d be covering the 2013 MTV Movie Awards ceremony. “MTV Movie Awards?” she said, flabbergasted. “That’s still a thing?” And so it is, friends. So it is.

And so, this evening, we’re liveblogging the MTV Movie Awards red carpet. We’ll be updating with our wisecracks as fast as we can keep up with the photo databases, so: check back, refresh often and laugh with us.

Welcome to the world’s only awards ceremony with worse fashion than the Grammys.

Actress Bella Thorne arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.  Bella Thorne is our first victim, sadly. The earrings are a bizarre match for her flesh suit, printed clutch and… whatever you call those shoes. We’d say she’s dressed like AnnaLynne McCord, circa that dark period a few years ago when AnnaLynne McCord achieved marginal relevance.

Nicole "Snooki"' Polizzi arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie AwardsPredictably, unrepentant fameball Nicole “Snooki”‘ Polizzi is one of the first to arrive. She is “rocking” her “post baby body.” There’s probably a weight loss supplement we’re supposed to mention.

As for the fashion, she looks like a mannequin in the prom section at Caché with less realistic hair.

Alan Ritchson arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.  Actor/singer/model we haven’t heard of Alan Ritchson is gunning for that Dancing with the Stars slot. Hard.

TV personality RuPaul arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.  Ha, like we’re going to criticize RuPaul for anything. We’d wear that suit.

Actress Quvenzhane Wallis arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.  Beasts of the Southern Wild‘s QuvenzhanĂ© Wallis brought her trademark stuffed animal purse.

 Actress Crystal Reed arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.  Actress Crystal Reed marked several of our favorite checkboxes: simple hair, understated (but extremely beautiful) makeup, and a pretty dress.

Yeah, yeah, we’re sick of beige patent pumps, but we’ll let it slide because we really love how she didn’t slather her entire body with Lohan-grade tanner.

TV personality Sammi Giancola arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California. Speaking of Lohan-grade tanner, Snooki’s Jersey Shore co-star Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola did her best Kardashian impression. Remember when we went to her sweatpants fashion show and it was exactly like Conrad’s Heart of Darkness?

TV personality Melanie Iglesias arrives at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards at Sony Pictures Studios on April 14, 2013 in Culver City, California.  Every red carpet needs an urgent, irrelevant Toni Braxton-figure and apparently this year’s model is Melanie Iglesias. Her claim to fame is dating Vinny from The Jersey Shore and also boobs.

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  • zanbrody

    I think dressing for any MTV red carpet is one of the hardest looks to nail, you are supposed to be sort of kooky and young, but everyone gets railed for being too costume-y.

    But, don’t these seem particularly bad so far?

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      But if everyone was allowed to be kooky and young we wouldn’t have a problem–the issue results from everyone looking like a professional stylist’s idea of kooky and young.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      (and yes)

    • zanbrody

      I think you summarized it.

      Also, I feel like anything long is just a bad idea.

      Dammit, I’m supposed to be writing a paper and I’m both watching Game of Thrones and looking at MTV red carpet fashion. I’m double procrastinating.

  • Jenny

    I am by no means a Kardashian apologist – they are awful – but Kylie is a Jenner and she actually looks pretty cute.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      If I’m expected to “keep up with” her in any capacity, she counts as a Kardashian!

  • Cee

    LOVE Crystal Reed’s eyebrows! She looks like she could be Emilia Clarke’s sister. I must find out what shes famous for now…please no reality tv, please no reality tv..

    • Val20

      Lucky you, she’s mostly known for Teen Wolf!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

    Kerry Washington.
    She does EVERYTHING RIGHT.

  • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

    This post made me feel old. One, because my first reaction was, Oh hey, the MTV awards were on this weekend?? and two, because I only recognized like 20% of the people in these photos and half of that number was composed of Jersey shore memembers(which I find equally depressing). Scrolling through, nearly every picture made me go, “Who the fuck is that?”