Gather round ye faithful, for the time has come once again to ruminate on which celebrities made StarÂ Magazine’s extremely competitive “Most Hated Celebrities In Hollywood” list this year. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the most reviled of them all?
While those among you uninitiated to the hypocrisies of celebrity culture might think it would be the celebrities who had hurt other people and acted like unrepentant dicks about it who received the most hatred, it would seem narcicissism, sanctimony, and general uncoolness are vastly greater crimes. Which would explain why Gwyneth Paltrow, Anne Hathaway, and Angelina Jolie(?!) all placed higher than Chris Brown, who squeaked in at #20. Because being an embarrassingly sincere theater person is worse than severely beating a woman and then getting a tattoo of her bruised up face on your neck. Oh, most definitely. Why? Because misogyny.
Here is the entire list in order, annotated with their crimes:
1. Gwyneth Paltrow
Crimes: Pseudoscience, esp. w/r/t gluten and carbohydrates, misrepresentation of self as “everymom,” looking too perfect all the time.
2. Kristen Stewart
Crimes: Cheating on Edward Cullen with old, gross director; seeming ungrateful for the blessings of fame; Converse on the red carpet.
3. Jennifer Lopez
Crimes: Leaving American Idol,Â flouting the 2013 Grammys dress code despite being over 40, selling too many records.
4. John Mayer
Crimes: Continuing to say douchey things, having a racist dick.
5. Katherine Heigl
Crimes: Acting in terrible rom-coms that promote a stereotypical view of women; acting all surprised and victimized when people hate her for it.
6. Matt Lauer
Crimes: Hosting The Today Show?
Crimes: Midlife crisis-motivated activities including, but not limited to, breast-baring, blatant ecstasy use, and “too many selfies.”
8. Justin Bieber
Crimes: Mistreatment of exotic pets, being too swaggy for a child of his age, hubris.
9. Anne Hathaway
Crimes: Being a vegan, excessive talk of herÂ Les Mis diet, failing to hide theater loser roots, not being as cool as Jennifer Lawrence.
10. Kris Jenner
Crimes: Narcissism; miseducating children re: narcissism as viable career path.
11. Kim Kardashian
Crimes: Expecting, and receiving, large amounts of money and attention just for being Kim Kardashian.
12. LeAnn Rimes
Crimes: Homewrecking; having an eating disorder.
13. Ashton Kutcher
Crimes: Making misleading statements re: sex trafficking statistics; raising money for anti-sex-worker organizations; hot tub threesome…but mostly, being a dufus.
14. Jay Leno
Crimes: Dad jokes? IDK, who watches Jay Leno anymore?
15. Angelina Jolie
Crimes: Overly enthusiastic humanitarianism; adopting too many children; skinniness.
16. Lindsay Lohan
Crimes: All on file with the LA county sheriff’s dept.
17. Shia LaBeouf
Crimes: Unearned pretentiousness.
18. Taylor Swift
Crimes: Faux-naivetĂ©, pedophilia.
19. Jesse James
Crimes: Does Jesse James even count as a celebrity?
20. Chris Brown
Crimes: Beating a woman until her life was in danger; acting like an unrepentant jerk about it; developing a persecution complex re: anyone who didn’t forgive him as quickly as he would’ve liked; flouting community service requirements; getting a tattoo of his battered ex’s face on his neck; getting back together with said woman; flaunting his relationship with her in everyone’s faces. HE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS LIST WHO PHYSICALLY HURT ANOTHER PERSON.
Which seems worse to you? Related: why was fellow woman abuser Charlie Sheen nowhere to be found? QUESTIONS.