Have you seen “The Man Rules” being posted on Facebook? It’s circulating around, so it will probably get re-posted on your wall sometime today. I’m going to get a jump start on that by re-posting it here, and explaining why many of these rules are exceptionally stupid!
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY, the guys’ side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT’S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR ‘THE RULES’ FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!
Why? What is that purpose? Is the purpose that these are all important? All of them? You can still do that in a numbered list to show that you are progressing through different items of business.
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
No. Witches and that girl in Firefly are generally ladies. This is correct.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
And yet, you will not fall into the toilet if we leave the seat down.
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
Why not just say that any form of emotion you dislike is blackmail?
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
I want a dinosaur. A real one. Good luck gift wrapping it, sucker.
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
What kind of ice cream is your favorite kind?
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
My problem is that I need more emotional support.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
This is great only if people have a memory capacity just slightly better than that guy in Memento.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON’T ASK US.
Okay, fine, yes, this seems fair. There’s really never a good response to someone asking you if they look fat.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.
That thing about you not caring if I fall into the toilet made me sad AND angry.
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
Dude, doing all of the chores around the house badly does not mean you never have to do chores again. I see what you’re doing, there. I’ve tried it, too.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
You really just want a girlfriend who doesn’t talk, don’t you?
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE…
Christopher Columbus would have done better with an iPhone. Check your damn iPhone.
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
Okay. That’s… a shame?
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY ‘NOTHING,’ WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
You really, really, really just don’t want women you’re with to talk at all, right? That’s what this is coming down to.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR..
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE…REALLY.
I will be wearing a bikini and a gas mask to your next corporate event.
1.. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
Oh, God, you’re not even pretending anymore.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
And you have watched enough football.
1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
And also motor sports.
1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!
This is just some interesting insight into the writer.
Alright. I feel better. Now it is your turn! Go, make jokes about this ridiculous list.
Picture via WENN