• Wed, Apr 24 2013

Stop Touching My Boobs: Way Too Many Strangers Think My Large Cup Size Is An Invitation

Stop touching my boobs: Apparently strangers think my large breasts are an invitation to touch!

We’re sorry but we obviously had to.

Now, I would assume that this goes without saying, but events in my life have led me to believe otherwise: my breasts, or anyone’s breasts for that matter, are not public property. It does not matter if they are big, small, fake, real, WHATEVER! They are the absolute private property of the person upon whose chest they reside.

Again, I thought that this was something that was just generally understood, but quite recently, I had an epiphany of sorts. Here’s what it was: Generally speaking (I can’t speak for everyone and this opinion is mostly based upon my own personal experience, and what I have observed in my limited circle of existence, etc), I have noticed that people tend to treat women with larger breasts, (boobs, titties, lady humps, chesticles or any other name/euphemism you can think of for the two fun bags taking up residence just below your clavicle) as if they are public property. What I mean by this is that people, both men and women, seem to think that it is okay to comment openly, stare unabashedly, and even touch uninvited when a woman has a large cup size.

To be fair, I have never noticed this happening to women with smaller or medium sized breasts. I also checked with a friend who is known for her stunning, 100% genuine Brazilian booty if she has a similar problem with her butt, and she responded with a firm no. I can only surmise that this is because, geographically speaking, a woman’s derrière is too close in proximity to her vagina. (Yes, I said vagina.) Again, this is just me postulating and trying to impress some logic on this whole thing.

Now, some people might be tempted to tell me that I am being overly sensitive, that this isn’t necessarily a negative thing, to take it as a compliment… Yada, yada, YADA! I am not overly sensitive, I generally take these things in stride, you know, ignore the blatant stares, and if someone makes the typical, “You’re boobs are huge/amazing, etc” comment, I reciprocate with an awkward thank you. But let’s get one thing straight. I am not a “touchy” person, not even with people I consider such close friends that they have practically been adopted into my family. Therefore, if I don’t know you, if you are a stranger, DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!

That being said, up until a I reached a certain point very recently, I even took to people who I do/do not know touching my boobs in long, gazelle-like strides. But, I kid you not, I have been groped, motor boated, jiggled and, just about in every way imaginable, had my breasts handled by complete strangers, both men and women. Although, I must say, I have noticed that it is women who more frequently “cop a feel”. I am not sure if it’s because they think that because it is female on female that that somehow makes it okay. I don’t know? But, let me say this, just because you are a woman does not make it okay for you to say hello that way.

Just this past weekend, I reached my breaking point.

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  • Sean

    Magda, the bottom line is no one has the right to touch you *anywhere* without your permission. If you feel violated don’t be polite about it, tell them to back the hell up…as sternly and loudly as you see fit.

    While I agree there are times to be polite and patient, that is definitely not one of them.

    • silversnake

      I completely agree with you on that one!!!

  • Nikola

    You should definitely feel comfortable pushing them away, slapping their hands away, and vocally, loudly, telling them not to molest you.

    I hate that women are constantly taught to just go along when shit like this happens. It’s not an overreaction to be upset when complete strangers molest you.

  • Lisa

    AMEN! This annoys me to absolutely no end. Who are you and why are you touching my breasts!? And you’re right-in my personal experience as well, it’s usually women who feel that it’s okay to touch me. Nope. Sorry lady, while we may have the same body bits, and mine happen to be larger than yours does not give you the right to outright molest me.

    As for the reaction, I think we all just laugh uneasily ala Scarlett Johanssen because it really is a WTF moment. And coupled with the fact that the other person most likely isn’t molesting me with the intent of making me upset, feel violated, etc. They’re just oblivious (which clearly is not a valid excuse).

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      I totally agree that a lot of these people are probably oblivious to the reaction that their actions elicit. But that does not make it any less annoying. I feel like their should be a public service announcement.

    • Gillian the Barmaid

      Yes there should be. Women stop hating and disrespecting men who are loving and respecting you everytime they give you a compliment about you face,eyes,bosoms,cleavage,rears,etc. without the need for paying them back with evil. If you lie about men and incriminate them you will be in hell with Satan and his fallen angels when you are dead. “sexually” “assaulted”? Attacking someone with sexual intercourse as some socalled “weapon”? Scarlettmer does not sound too bright.

  • Scarlettmer

    I don’t understand. Your breaking point came when the employee of a bowling alley sexually assaulted you and your entire response to the assault and “breaking” was to laugh uncomfortably and do nothing but feel bad about yourself because why? Then, you were having a gynecological exam and the person who was supposed to take care of you made a comment that discomfited you and you said nothing about that to that person’s supervisor. I assume you believe the point of your writing this post is some sort of empowerment. But true empowerment is not complaining to strangers later. It is taking care of yourself and behaving as if you believe the words you wrote in this posting stating that your body is yours and other people need to be respectful of you. But do you demand that? Furthermore, the statement made by the “a bit gauche” woman at Planned Parenthood may or may not have been harassing – but it was certainly inappropriate. As a manager, I see that employee in need of some training. But she will not receive it if the manager is not aware that she needs it. You have the right and a responsibility to notify the management of PP that they need to train their people to restrain themselves and behave like professionals. PP has enough problems without poorly trained and immature staff causing problems for the women who need and depend on their services.

    I hope you call the manager/owner of this bowling alley and inform them that their bartender is sexually assaulting customers and that she needs to be appropriately disciplined and that you notify that PP that you were made uncomfortable by their employee’s apparent discomfort with the many varieties of the female body as you laid naked on an exam table in their clinic.

    Saying you are tired of laughing things off in a blog post is cathartic and certainly the community of women who have had similar situations in their own lives (and I have too – my opinions did not happen overnight) will appreciate the commiseration, but nothing gets better without action. And your own strength will increase the more you exercise it.

    • http://poorgoop.com/ Samantha

      From what I gathered in the article, it wasn’t that she broke in a “I’m going on an angry rampage” kind of way, but she finally understood that these experiences that she’s normalized, despite making her uncomfortable, are actually a violation. The piece isn’t necessarily about empowerment and prevention, it’s about acknowledging the problem. It’s a first step. While reporting people the doctor or bartender to their superiors is helpful, the writer might not be there yet. She’s still adjusting to this wonderful new idea that her body isn’t something for others to fondle at will. Have some patience and wait for the follow up article before you start telling her what to do.

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      Samantha, you absolutely nailed it. I think I’ve just reached a point in my life/level of maturity were I no linger view events like this as “giggles and fun”. But I definitely understand what Scarlettmer is saying as we’ll, but I also realize that it will take work for me to get to a place where I feel, I don’t know, confident enough to assert myself against such violations.

    • Scarlettmer

      I would certainly agree that the revelatory experience you have gone through is important in your personal growth. And I certainly agree that you and I are at different places in our lives. As I mentioned in my comment, I wasn’t born feeling and approaching situations the way I do now. But, I object to the statement that I should not “tell [you] what to do” made by Samantha. I am not telling you what to do – I am taking your revelation to the (or a) next step. I am coming from a place of time and experience. I think where I erred was in not recognizing the subtleties of your having reached your breaking point. The former because her behavior went beyond outrageous, she committed this act while on the job and as a representative of her employer, and her action against you is and should be punishable. She should not be protected by her sex or the assumed casualness of her profession. The latter because, while she may have been attempting levity – she legitimately needs some training as to what is appropriate and professional.

      I would also point out that there are many people in this world who think things are terrible or wrong and that “someone” should do something. And as you pointed out, women are still taught to fear being bitches over being treated – literally – as objects. So I applaud your personal growth and strength. Unfortunately, I have seen too many people stop at their feelings. I hope you do not stop at your feelings, but can now reach to action. Catharsis is not the same as action.

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      I don’t take offense at “being told” what to do. If anything, I feel that there are always instances where people can learn from the the experiences of others. I also completely agree with you that it is one thing to feel strongly about something, and act on something you feel strongly about. But I believe that feeling, and being able to identify said feelings is a good first step. For me, personally, this is true because I am in therapy currently to deal with issues regarding feelings and identifying them as such and not allowing myself to buckle or dismiss my feelings under the pressure/scrutiny of other people.

      So I guess what I am saying is, Thank you for the advice, it is truly appreciated and I hope and am working toward acting more firmly and assuredly.

  • Fabel

    Reading this, I feel like that one commenter on every street harassment article who’s like, “How is this happening?? Where do you live??? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE????”

    But god, am I sorry this is a common occurrence for you. Good job NOT taking it anymore, though, because what you describe is not not not cool.

    • len132

      You are not alone! I don’t understand these people! WHO ARE THEY?!?!? WHY DO THEY THINK THIS IS OKAY?!?!?!

      So unbelievably gross. It’s good that I am not well endowed, because I would probably assault anyone who did this to me.

    • Diablo Cain

      Why can’t you or anyone else live in peace with men who compliment your bosoms,cleavage and rears or grabs them without making a problem where there is not one? Why does a compliment of cleavages,rears and bosoms have to be a socalled crime for? Was the scripture in the Bible meant to be misquoted as saying, throw a man in jail for compliments? Make a man an offender was not supposed to be used to justify caging men inhumanely like animals in prison cages just because they tell ladies their bosoms,cleavages and rears are lovely. Why would she call her body, Private socalled “property” and “public” “proberty” for? Satan tells gullible women not to say they are sorry for calling whistling, “street” “irritation”. It’s inappropriate for women to overreact to men grabbing and complimenting their busts and they will burn in hell for acting like cry babies everytime someone grabbed and was feeling their nipples as well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=699618735 Cara Crowes

    I had this problem in high school.. Imagine being fifteen and having to be in a private school when you follow a dress code and can’t choose what you want to wear. And creepy students and teachers think nothing of being obnoxious over it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      Yeah. I definitely went through the baggy t-shirt phase. The worst was that I seemed to go from being completely flat chested, to enormous over night and everyone seemed to notice and feel compelled to comment… As if adolescence isn’t traumatic enough on its own.

  • Amanda

    I’m on the other side of the spectrum. I have smaller boobs & people always feel the new to comment on how small they are. It’s gotten to the point where I won’t leave the house without a VS Bombshell bra on or gel inserts in my bra because it makes me so uncomfortable and embarrassed. It’s actually making me want a breast augmentation.

    People are such assholes. I would never even dream of saying something about or touching someone’s body, especially a complete stranger.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=699618735 Cara Crowes

      Yeah, umm… Your breasts are YOUR breasts, not someone’s property.

    • JennyWren

      You’re right, people are assholes. I’m so sorry people have said shit like that. If it’s any consolation, I’ve always wanted small breasts; it would be so nice to be able to go bra-less around the house, or to wear those fabric-triangle lace bras that are so pretty looking. I guarantee at least some of the people being bitches at you are acting out of jealousy. If you can find any opportunity to enjoy your personal boob arrangement, you absolutely should.

  • Cee

    I dont know what makes women think its okay. Perhaps they have female friends that are comfortable with this? I dont have really big breasts, but I am gay and some of the women that im out to think its okay to touch mine, i guess to test out things? They also feel comfortable playfully hitting me, like theyd do with a boy *shrug* i think they must be the type of girls that have friends that all share the same fitting room and comment on each others bodies or feel too safe around other women? Its funny though, I did snap once and THEY were the ones that were offended. Very odd an frustrating

  • Izleys

    This article puts me in a bizarre space. I’m a D cup at 5’2 & have been since my late teens. I wish a mofo would attempt to do such a thing! The most surprising encounters I’ve ever had involved being asked if they were real by both men & women who barely (if at all) knew me. I guess it just depends on the person & the energy with which they travel through life. I’m introverted, visibly serious & often in possession of a “don’t even think about it” look on my face, so the author’s problems are none I can relate to. I don’t know where she’s from or the impression she gives others, but this Chicago girl would bring the wrath of fire & hell down on anyone who thought it was okay to touch my breasts unwarranted. I encourage her to find her inner b*** & showcase her regularly, from the sound of this article, it’d do her a world of good! Go OFF one time, they’ll learn!!

  • Wyette Urp

    I have assets that measure 36G. Other women and gay men grab at my chest like, because they aren’t sexually interested in me, it’s ok. It’s not. Don’t touch my rack, folks.

  • Natalie

    Argh, growing up a had a huge, muscular butt from playing soccer hours and hours a day and competitively skiing. Boys, girls, randoms, would slap my butt or comment on it. Not only was I 18 and under (this started happening around age 13), but it made me so uncomfortable. I was very embarrassed about my butt and still feel weird walking away from people if I feel like they might be looking at it. No one really tries to slap it anymore or comments on it much, but good lord was it traumatizing. But I never thought to tell them to back off! I usually just laughed and backed away, facing them, so they couldn’t touch it again.

    I should have said something then. I wish I would have.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cheryl-Upshaw/682026984 Cheryl Upshaw

    I have average-sized breasts, and I NEVER think it’s okay for someone to grab me. I don’t get the outright nonsense that Magda does, but it’s happened on more than one occasion that while out with a group of girls, some ridiculous bitch will decide that: 1) it’s photo time and 2) we’ll all fall over without something to grab onto. How is this a cute idea? Paws off!

  • YarghMatey

    It is never okay to grab, grope, or otherwise molest a random person’s body in any way! It really sucks that you experience this regularly.

    Last night I was at a wine tasting with a friend, when I noticed a man standing behind her, caressing her bare shoulder (she was wearing a tank top). She noticed at the same time and moved away, but hadn’t been able to tell who was responsible for the creepy massage. I walked up to the guy, about 50ish, wearing a suit and looking very self important in his little circle of cronies, and said “Excuse me, sir, but generally one asks permission before touching another person.” In the slimiest, most arrogant tone he could muster, he looked down his nose at me and said, “but I don’t.”

    I couldn’t believe the absolute audacity he had to not even pretend to be chagrined when called out in front of others. All I could do, in lieu of giving into my immediate desire to punch him, was to spit out, “and that’s why you’re an asshole,” before stomping off.

    • silversnake

      Old men are the worst. They grew up in an era when it was considered ok to grope a women and sexually harrass them at work or anytime. They seriously think women like that and want men to do that. They don’t realize how creepy that is to us. Were not people to them just sexual objects, trophies, trinket, etc.. Yeah Right! I’m not sure I would have been able to control myself as well as you did. The old man would have probably been picking himself off the floor. I can’t stand smug people.

    • Mohammed Ali

      It is never okay to complain and air your dirty laundry on the internet either passing judgement on strangers you don’t know because someday if you don’t apologize to others and ask Jesus into your heart as your lord and saviour you will burn in hell with the devil for eternity.

    • YarghMatey

      Aw, the troll moved in under my comment. Poor little guy must have gotten tired of that dank ol’ bridge.

  • Kath

    Being touched in an intrusive, unwanted manner is battery, and it’s a crime.

    • Kyle Jones

      Thats a lie from Belial, you bought into it. If you acted like a stripper you would not complain.

  • NerdyBaldGuy

    I have three words for you “GET OVER IT”. Trade places with me and be an ugly man for a couple of years. You will be completely invisible to people of the opposite sex.

    I get so incredibly tired of women who bitch that they attract too much attention. I hope you get old and fat and then see if anyone tries to grope you.

    • YarghMatey

      No one wants to be harassed It’s not “attention,” and it can quickly escalate into a much more uncomfortable or scary situation.

      I hope you find yourself on the receiving end of something that leaves you feeling intimidated and violated. Remember, it’s just attention, and is therefore a good thing.

    • Guest

      Yeah, attention like that is SO fun. Whoa is us, though, right? That stranger touched my ass on the subway. Boo hoo. Right? But oh, wait, I COULD be that sad, bald man who doesn’t have anyone to go home to at night?

      WHAT. PLANET. IS. THIS?

    • silversnake

      WOW, what rock did you climb out from under!!!! How dare you say such a thing! If you have been sexually assaulted (and that is what it is sexual assault) then maybe your would have a clue as to what you are talking about! Obviously you have lived under that rock for too long and you need to crawl back under it and stay there!!! Anyone that thinks it is ok to walk up and grab someones body is a very sick individual!!!!!!

    • http://twitter.com/KathleenShimp Kathleen Shimp

      So, what you are saying is that you want random women to spontaneously assault you? No consent, no choice in the matter of who does it? Even old, fat, ugly women you are repulsed by? Because that is what it sounds like you want.

    • http://www.facebook.com/LisaMarieBasile Lisa Marie Basile

      Are you kidding? Because YOU’RE old and obviously miserable —perhaps THIS is why you’re “invisible” to women with that attitude— WE should deal with harassment? I’m not seeing a correlation, or is this it:

      Man doesn’t attain attention = women should put up with harassment (in order to balance the scales)?

      Also there’s a difference between “attracting” “SO” much attention and being groped, heckled, followed and stared-at. Dealing with these people is painful and uncomfortable. Sure, it’s great when people think you’re pretty, duh, and one day when I’m “old” and “fat” and no one is groping me…. that means I should let everyone grope me?

      I’m also POSITIVE there’s a balance between NEVER GETTING ATTENTION and BEING HARASSED. Hmm. Yeah.

  • silversnake

    Don’t ever feel bad about what your were blessed with at birth. Anyone that purposely
    tries to make you feel ashamed of your body should be shot. Who do people think
    they are? It is not ok to touch anyone without permission. I do understand what
    you’re a going through, I don’t have big boobs but I do have a butt. Men
    especially think it is ok to comment, give the disgusting stare up and down and
    even try to touch me inappropriately. Believe me I do not ever give them the
    impression that it is ok to treat me that way. I am not promiscuous at all, I
    work very hard at being professional and I expect the same respect I show
    others. As a matter of fact, I was grabbed by my co-worker (man) near my crotch this morning. Get real, he’s lucky he can still walk! I made it very clear to him that it is not ok to touch me at all in any way and if he try’s that again a sexual harassment complaint will be coming directly at him. Why is it that men in particular think it is ok to touch a woman in any way without permission and/or make inappropriate comments or jokes? My last boss tried to sexually harass me, he went as far as trying to sit close to me and say things that were inappropriate for an employer/employee relationship. I had to be very firm with him and basically draw a line in the sand for him. I am very glad I don’t work there anymore. The problem is that these things happen all the time. I really don’t get where they are getting their information on how to treat a woman. I have raised three boys and believe me if I ever caught them disrespecting a women that would be the last thing they ever do and they know that. I had one man constantly flirt and make advances to me right in front of my boyfriend and his wife. Talk about rude and obnoxious. I
    can’t count how many men I have had to put in their place in my lifetime. I
    really don’t care what they think of me, the opinion of someone like that doesn’t
    matter to me one bit. I have always been attractive and I take care of myself,
    but I think I am pretty average looking nothing grand, I can’t imagine what really
    gorgeous women must go through. The other thing I don’t get is why people (men and women) instantly make a judgment when they see an attractive women. Wife’s have hated me and judge me because their husband tried to come on to me or just even spoke to me. Seriously, I am not so all powerful that I can control how other people behave. They need to realize that they are married to a cad and set some ground rules. My point after rambling on so much is that you have to set the ground rules yourself on how other people treat you. Be very firm with these people that come up to you and think they can just do what they want. It is not ok! Don’t worry what these people say or think about you. You must respect yourself and let other people know that you do. Please put them in their place immediately. Believe me if they have any kind of a conscious they
    will be very embarrassed of their behavior.

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      I’ve been trying to think of an appropriate response to all of this, but all I can think to say is, thank you. I truly appreciate your advice, and you mentioning your boys makes me hopeful that male attitudes will change for the better, but then there is the other issue of female on female groping, which seems a little more perplexing.

    • Moses Malone

      You and alot of women on here should be very ashamed of your behaviour having the audacity to call attention from men “harassment”. You got one hell of a nerve. You think it’s o.k. to shift the blame on men who tell you your breasts are pretty. Your an embarassment to women everywheres if thats how you feel. You make me glad I’m not a woman. If only female attitudes on here changed and everyone her didn’t love the devil so much. Women always got to pass judgement on men they dont know without a consciose because if they had one they would have apologized for making one of the biggest errors in human history passing that satanic lie for a “law” “sexual” socalled “vexation”. Sexual and street hassling is just Lucifers lie to manipulate everyone on here.

  • http://twitter.com/KathleenShimp Kathleen Shimp

    I sort of identify. Sort of.

    I’m someone who “blossomed” late, and thus have never been able to get comfortable with even having boobs, let alone showing them.

    I would like to wear lower tops sometimes, but I find I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ll put on a lower one, and then look in the mirror, and put a scarf around my neck to hang over and cover the cleavage. I have many tops I’ve only worn once because I felt so weird.

    Since I also tend to wear long skirts, I think I honestly do send an “off-limits” message to most people. I look “religious” to a lot of people, even though I am not.

    Maybe that’s why I don’t get grabbed there, or my butt- only stared at- but damn do people want to touch my long hair! And that DOES happen.

    Oh, people love my hair.

    And *usually* I’m like “Hey!” if it’s a man, but let women touch it, even if I feel funny.

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      Gah! Touching hair is another thing that weirds me out! I wish people would take my mode of dress as a signal to back the flip off, because, my own personal style, that I like to call “hippie-chic”, I would hardly say is provocative. I don’t know, maybe someone secretly taped an invisible sign to my back that says “grope me”.

    • http://twitter.com/KathleenShimp Kathleen Shimp

      Then I sometimes get these really weirdly creepy come ons from very conservative religious guys that somehow skeeve me out as much as a “Hey baby looking hot” does. If not more.

  • trixahdeshade

    fake.

    • http://www.facebook.com/magda.nunez2 Magda Nunez

      Your comment intrigues me. What’s fake? My brain is positively spinning with the possibilities.

    • http://www.facebook.com/LisaMarieBasile Lisa Marie Basile

      What’s fake?

  • Aquaria

    Sorry, but you need to talk to more women with back porch booties. It was WORSE than what you’ve experienced. People didn’t just grope or grab or stare, men would PUT THEIR BODIES UP AGAINST MY BUTT AND GRIND AGAINST IT.

    That was in the 70s, dear. Imagine how much worse it is NOW.

  • JackiO

    I don’t have this problem (with groping) from strangers (comments about my boobs, yes, but not groping) but I do have it with my female friends and acquaintances and it drives me crazy! It makes me feel so uncomfortable to have them pawing at my boobs like they’re some sort of plaything, as I too am not a touchy feely person, and I feel like I can’t say anything or it will make me look like a bitch because apparently this crap is “all in good fun” or something. I don’t get when this became a thing and I’m not okay with it.

  • Jonah

    Being touchy about men complimenting and grabbing your bosom, your a disgrace to the human race, just about everyone here is, including those who “think” they have a right to attack men with an insult by lying about their whistles having the audacity to call it socalled street “harasment”. Whistling called, “hassling” thats a lie from Satan. Being touchy about ones breasts being complimented.looked at,grabbed thats from Lucifer to make those sort of impolite overreactions. Calling compliments hassling and insinuating that its sexual is from the devil thats another one of Lucifers lies. Sexual “harassment law is from Satan. Compliments and whistling is from God as a gift to mankind. I’m sorry for calling your compliments,staring and whistling hassling and for calling you a hassler.