Avengers Wed Bed Dead: Iron Man’s Facial Hair Is Kind Of A Dealbreaker

Hello there, Gloss fans! Welcome to this week’s episode of our web series Wed Bed Dead, in which editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff must decide the potentially very sexy fate of three chosen gentlemen (and occasionally ladies) (and, uh, animals). The show is a live action spin-off of their longrunning and delightful games of Fuck Marry Kill here on The Gloss.

This week, we’re playing with a new trio of superheroes (as opposed to that other one)–we’ll debate the eligibility of Avengers Iron Man (played by Robert Downey Jr.), Hulk (played by Mark Ruffalo) and Thor (played by Chris Hemsworth). None of them seem like great husbands, so your options are limited to marrying Ironman for his money, Hulk for his disinterest in socializing or Thor… because giant hammers are hilarious.

Tune in every Wednesday at 1:00 for new episodes of Wed Bed Dead. And don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel.

Seriously. Don’t forget.

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    • Cee

      Id Marry Iron Man (money!). Id bed Loki. You guys should have counted him! Those eyes! I guess Id kill the Hulk, I guess. He can pretty much smash me. Though Ive always wanted Mark Ruffalo to father my kids.
      I havent seen any of the vids since the first one cuz 1.work 2. Its kinda like seeing mall santa at the food court on his cell phone, only more fashionable. I will get over this quirk eventually.

    • anna

      I wish Ashley would go into news casting of some sort. Maybe radio, just something where we can hear her voice always. She would make the news so sarcastic and more interesting.

      • Lily

        an advice segment. “Ask Ashley”

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        YOU GUYS.

    • Sabrina

      I thought throughout this whole episode, wow, Ashley’s hair looks just like Keith Richards.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        In college I used to print out his mugshot on my shitty Inkjet, bring it to the salon and say, “Give me this.” I’ve since tried to make it a little more grown-up but I kind of prefer it as this shaggy mess.

      • Sabrina

        my husband does this now, i was reading keith richard’s “life” and my 3 year old was looking through the pictures and shrieked “LOOK IT’S DADDY!” He was endlessly pleased, of course.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        Your 3-year-old and husband rule.

    • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

      This one I didn’t even have to think about. Wed Iron Man (we are both super smart, sassy jerks with serious defenses and no hearts, although in his case that’s literal), Bed Thor (saying “I would hit it like the hammer of Thor” would be nine million times better once one actually HAS banged Thor), Kill the Hulk (He’s a freaking NEVERNUDE, you guys. The cutoff shorts all the time? Dealbreaker).

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT THE HULK IS A NEVERNUDE.

      • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

        YOU’RE WELCOME.

      • Rezia

        A nevernude? Is that exactly what it sounds like?

      • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

        HE IS A NEVERNUDE!?

      • http://helloalle.com/ Alle

        HE’S ALWAYS WEARING THOSE WEIRD CUTOFFS!

        THINK ABOUT IT! (Don’t actually think too hard about it, the physics of shorts that can get bigger as Hulk Hulks out, but then don’t always get smaller again are…bizarre.)

    • MR

      Richards (with Mick singing lead): “Smack and smack and smack, I can’t give it away on Seventh Avenue….this Town’s in tatters. Shaaattered.” Great song. Yeah, that’s the drug Keith is famous for.