• Thu, May 2 2013

16 Reasons You Are Not Hannah Horvath From Girls

There’s a pretty great post on Buzzfeed about why you are not actually Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. Mostly because you know how computers work, and she absolutely did not. For instance, you turned this one on. I thought we might update this to make it equally clear that you are not Hannah Horvath from Girls.

hannah horvath

You may be insecure, but you’re still doing better than this.

girls hannah

Your seduction techniques do not rely heavily upon dressing as if we you were thirteen and had just watched The Craft.

hannah horvathThere is pretty much no circumstance under which you would wear a yellow mesh see through shirt out in public.

hannah horvath

When your friend says they want to start a salon like Gertrude Stein, you do not assume they mean “for cutting hair.” Especially if you went to liberal arts school.

2

You do not buy a sad bundt cake for your dinner parties. You buy any other dessert.

hannah horvathYou don’t eat cupcakes in the bathtub. Honestly. Who does that?

hannah horvathWhile you’ve definitely tried to cut your own hair, you have not called your downstairs neighbor to redo it for you. You went to a damn salon to have it redone.

hannah horvath

You feel guilty taking money from your parents.

final push hannah horvath

No, seriously, you understand that making your own money is part of being an adult.

voiceThere’s essentially no circumstance under which you’d say you are “the voice of a generation.”

hannah horvath

Honestly, there are also no circumstances under which you’d wear shorteralls. Probably.

hannah horvathYou would not do a bunch of drugs and write about them for lack of a better idea.

patrick wilsonIf Patrick Wilson just wanted you to hang out in his house and play ping pong, you’d be pretty cool about it.

hannah horvath

You would not immediately tell a total stranger this.

hannah horvath

 

You would not steal a tip your parents left out for a cleaning lady.

hannah horvath

When you travel, you do so with a suitcase, not a trash bag filled with clothing.

Hannah HorvathAnd on a much sadder note that anything else – you and your boyfriend do not look this 1930′s cute at your friends’ spur-of-the-moment weddings.

Pictures via HBO Girls

From Our Partners

Share This Post:
  • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

    Something I have always wondered: Who the f likes Bundt cake?

    But really, it makes me sad that as I’ve caught up with the show finally, I like Hannah less and less and less…

    • Nikola

      Whoever invented bundt cake, explaining bundt cake “No, it’s like regular cake, but without the delicious icing, tasty filing between layers, and there’s just this huge hole in the center, so there’s just less cake overall.”

      Bundt cake, it’s the worst way to cake. (yes, I’m using cake as a verb.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      “To cake” had better be a verb put in the Oxford dictionary ASAP.

    • Eileen

      Actually, my mom used to make a Bundt cake that I really liked when I was a kid. Looking back, though, I probably just liked that it was chocolate cake swirled with cheesecake. And that it was easy to cut.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      Yes, but your mom was awesome, so it is okay that she put a hole in the cake (my mom also used to do that with angel food cake and I loved it, too, but I still never understood the point of the hole).

    • Eileen

      It’s true that my mom is awesome, so I’m glad you acknowledged that. And you know, now that I think about it…remember that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Toula’s mom puts a flower in the Bundt cake hole? That was amazing. Maybe that’s the super secret reasoning.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      Omg that’s literally all I keep replaying in my head every time I see this post.

    • Tania

      The hole is for heat distribution, I think? Because the cake is so delicate and foamy, it stops the outside from being burnt while the inside stays uncooked.

    • vnally

      My mom went through a period where she made regular cakes with bundt cake molds, which came in handy when I was in my Lord of the Rings phase and demanded that she make me a birthday cake shaped like the One Ring.

    • JennyWren

      I went to a party last nice where they served a chocolate-chip Bundt cake and the center was full of strawberries. It was pretty rad. But maybe that’s not a traditional Bundt cake? I’m not American so it seemed very exotic to me.

  • jacaline

    I think the better question would be who in the world would want to be Hannah, or even be compared to her? If you walk around with the proud feeling that you’re like Hannah, you should reevaluate, exactly like she should.

    • katie surname

      What about all of the men out there who walk around with the proud feeling that their just like Don Draper?

    • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

      We should probably do a list for them, too.

  • Nikola

    If I ever met someone describing themselves as Carrie from Sex and the City, I would run screaming. I’m pretty sure any time spent around her would lead to me spraining my eyes from all the eyerolls, and losing my voice from exasperated “UGH”s. Ain’t no body got time for that!

  • Eileen

    She stole a tip left for a cleaning lady? WHAT THE FUCK?

  • anna

    This makes me feel much better about myself, actually. I was at a concert, having a conversation with a girl who in retrospect was probably on cocaine. I was blathering about something I normally blather about. She grabbed me and told me “You’re just like Hannah from Girls!!”
    I have never been so offended. My rants are charming, not awkward and self centered, thank you very much.

    • katie surname

      The fact that you think your rants are charming, probably means you’re just like Hannah. Maybe you should…get over yourself?

    • anna

      That was an attempt at self deprecating humor, comparing myself to Hannah, which seems to have failed over the internet. Though several others seem to have got it, hence the thumbs up.

    • sabrina

      wow, what a unnecessary mean thing to say. just because you don’t get the humor doesn’t mean you have to be a snide bitch to someone who was obviously trying to be funny.

    • katie surname

      I find it really interesting that you’re calling me a name while you’re saying this. “snide bitch”

    • Emma Cortez

      well, if you don’t want to be called out, then don’t say snide or bitchy things. It’s totally uncool.

    • katie surname

      I think you’re all just hypocrites, frankly. You want to “teach me” patience and understanding? BE patient and understanding. You’re all totes exactly what you don’t want to be.

    • Anon

      Nobody wants to teach you patience and understanding. (No one said that, so the quotes are so wrong)
      We all want you to shut up because you’re annoying and mean, only everyone else is being too nice to tell you to STFU.

      So, STFU. No one cares, troll.

    • Emma Cortez

      yeah, no one wants to teach you anything except for how not to make an ass out of yourself on the internet, which is obviously a futile effort. If I wanted to waste my time teaching 12 year olds manners I’d envoke the old saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”
      Luckily, I don’t have to be the manners mistress so I can just say again, if you don’t want to be called out, then don’t say snide or bitchy things. Or as my grandmother used to say
      “Don’t throw shit and expect to stay squeaky clean”

    • friendly

      u respond to ppl trying to be patient and understanding to u and u treat them disprespectfully and with sarcasm so wut do u expect ppl to do?

    • libba

      Yeah, heaven forbid anyone actually likes themselves and attempts humor. *rolls eyes in case you’re too dense to get that this is humor as well*

    • katie surname

      It just wasn’t very funny.

    • libba

      and you weren’t very nice or insightful or anything really, hence the backlash.

    • Caroline

      So because you found it to be not funny you felt the need to be sarcastic and kind of mean of the internet? Really? How many have your jokes failed in your life time? Surely you have better things to do than pick on people on the internet.
      And yeah, yeah, you will be defensive, and I have better things to do too than chastise internet trolls. I have a million things to do yet I just hate how easy the internet makes it to be cruel.

    • katie surname

      I hate how easy the internet makes it to misconstrue things. You’re hating on my for “hating” on someone else and all ya’ll are just coming off like big hypocrits.

    • Anon

      No ones hating on you or being a hypocrite, you’re being called out for being a petty bitch. Just like no one is “hating on” Chris Brown because they’re jealous, he’s being “hated on” because he’s a prick. See the difference?
      Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

    • anna

      hey guys, i really appreciate the support, but this is really out of hand. My feelings weren’t that hurt, I didn’t really even think about it. Yeah, it wasn’t the greatest thing to hear but I really don’t need an army to defend me. I’m not always funny, I can deal with it, it was just a little off hand comment. Not that big in the grand scheme of things. I VERY much appreciate people coming to my defense though!

    • julianne

      yeah, at this point it’s just the principle of thing, teaching young people it’s not ok to be mean even if you can’t see their face. i think people are just annoyed this girl is coming in and being obnoxious for no good reason and spewing idiocy when called out on it.

    • sB

      yeah if she had just not responded or even apologized it would have been NBD but she just had to defend herself in the name of anti-hypocrisy or free speech or whatever it is she thinks she’s protecte d under. As emma kind of said “now it’s a shitstorm”

    • Leah

      Anna, you’re being such a class act about this whole thing! Good for you!!

    • anna

      aw, thanks so much! lovely of you to say! i see little point in fighting over the internet, it never is satisfying

    • katie surname

      OMG IT MUST BE AMAZING TO HAVE NEVER BEEN CRUEL IN YOUR LIFE. YOU MUST BE THE MOST PERFECT PERSON EVER!!!!

    • Caroline

      Way to take a mature conversation and turn it into nonsense.

      I thought you were dumb before, now I realize you’re a troll.
      Goin’ on my ignore list, honey!

    • No.name

      loz you are DEFINITELY the most mature person ever. For sure.

    • gemma_sanji

      If you’re going to be snarky please go elsewhere, I don’t think anyone here appreciates it or has any use for it. Thanks!

    • katie surname

      That’s funny, because I read a lot of snarky comments on this site.

    • gemma_sanji

      Yep and I try to oust them all because negativity and sarcasm is never appreciated! Thanks for changing your tone, have a good day :)

    • julianne

      I thought it was funny.
      None of us are charming or witty!! We all SUCK!! And we all have terrible senses of humor!!
      I guess I should get over myself.
      Anyway, Hannah is an interesting mix of narcissism and self loathing, so I doubt she’d ever call herself charming. She’s too busy thinking of all the things wrong with her, and only of those things.

    • katie surname

      That’s not what I was saying.

  • http://poorgoop.com/ Samantha

    I don’t eat cupcakes in the bathtub, but I do drink beer and watch Netflix. That’s still better, though, right?

    • Amanda Chatel

      I want to be your friend.

    • Sabrina

      Well I’m sad now because I have eaten cupcakes in the bath, while drinking a bottle of wine and watching Audrey Hepburn movies. And it’s fabulous.

    • Sabrina

      This wasn’t meant to be a reply, just a comment. But a reply works too I guess! :)

    • http://poorgoop.com/ Samantha

      Share your eating in the bathtub wisdom, please! I am always afraid of being forced to soak in crumbs. Otherwise, I’d probably bring tortilla chips.

  • http://twitter.com/ARoyalN Ann Royal Nicholas

    Thank goodness you’re not Hannah. Would you WANT to be? I mean, seriously? Why?

  • CG

    I eat cupcakes in the bath…

  • JennyWren

    I always thought the point of these characters was that no-one was entirely like them, but everyone was a bit like them, especially at one point in their lives. I mean, I wear shortalls (they are very goo for DIY) and I’m probably Hannah levels of insecure, but I don’t do the rest of that nonsense because when you add the composite quirks of several people’s personalities into one character that character looks like a crazy person.

  • JennyWren

    I always thought the point of these characters was that no-one was entirely like them, but everyone was a bit like them, especially at one point in their lives. I mean, I wear shortalls (they are very goo for DIY) and I’m probably Hannah levels of insecure, but I don’t do the rest of that nonsense because when you add the composite quirks of several people’s personalities into one character that character looks like a crazy person.

  • katie surname

    Nope, we’re not her. Which is why we don’t have a deal with HBO. Basically, she’s way more interesting than most of us.

    • vnally

      If being incredibly interesting is all it takes to get a television deal then how come Tommy Wiseau doesn’t have one?

      I would rather watch Tommy Wiseau try to navigate life in Brooklyn than Lena Dunham. I find him utterly fascinating.

    • Lily

      omg i pity you if you are less intresting than hannah fucking horvath

  • Alyssa

    Good god. I don’t understand why anyone likes this show.

  • Elena

    The last one is not 1930s at all!!

  • tilda

    I didn’t know Marnie wrote for the gloss- the bitterness and flat personality is radiating from the page.