However, before we say our official adieu, we have one final tale from Alison C. regarding something called a “Nathan latte,” all thanks to one particular online dating service. It’s a good one, and I know you’ll enjoy this latte, er, story.
Last year I delved a little bit into online dating. I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to relationships formed via the internet that don’t result in packages at the door/Facebook friends/porn. However, earlier that year I’d been to a wedding where the happy couple had met online. I was bombarded with tons of success stories about online dating at said wedding; so against my better judgment I signed up for a trial month on one of the more well-known sites.
I knew that I would never use this site as a primary form of meeting people, but it was more of a social experiment. It seemed innocent enough at first, kind of like online shopping for a mate. I started to see the fun in it and it was something of an ego boost. Then the messages started rolling in. They all varied in normalcy but then I was presented with a masterpiece. It was from a chap named Nathan. It reads as follows:
hello gorgeous. you seem to be the kind of woman who isn’t afraid to try new things. So can I interest you in trying a new kind of drink? Its called a NATHAN latte, and its good. Its GENUIENE and warm. Once it touches your lips, it will put a SMILE on your face. it has a real ROMANTIC feel to it. You will tell all your friends what a WONDERFUL latte you have found, and it will be all yours. Some possible side effects of this drink are extreme laughter, great times, and happiness. So I ask u to take those beautiful eyes of yours and check out my menu. i am CONFIDENT you will eventually fall in LOVE with this latte. Order when you’re ready…..
On the light side: I have to at least give the guy credit and not be a total hater. I have never received an email like that before. He committed to his coffee metaphor, and obviously went for a visual appeal of all of his CHARACTERISTICS. (Which I’ve also never seen before, so there are some more points scored for using optical cues.)
On the dark side: It may be possible that Nathan is a sufferer of dissociative identity disorder and this poor bastard has actually assumed the persona of a chocolate latte. It is also possible, as he did not address anything specific to me in the note, that my barista/suitor has served up his latte to other ladies. And how many others??
After the purchased session on the dating site expired I decided not to renew. I know it works for some people, but it’s just not for me. And also with the latte email I received some even more unsavory ones.
There is a distinct possibility that my experience was unique, and perhaps it was me not taking my search online seriously. I wouldn’t want anyone to be deterred in trying out their luck via the interwebs. Just be prepared for all the walks of life that you will encounter.
So to conclude, I will answer the question that is probably plaguing you: no I was never ready to order a Nathan latte.
And that’s where our Dating Hijinks series takes its leave, folks.