Red Carpet Rundown: Ridiculous Hats, People At The 2013 Kentucky Derby

Red carpet attendees to the 2013 Kentucky Derby festivities

The 2013 Kentucky Derby took place this weekend and you know what that means: horses with insane, self-indulgent names B- to C+ Listers in silly hats. We got lucky this go-round and spotted a few solid attendees–Coco Rocha, Krysten Ritter–but expect bad tans, absurd costumes and Kid Rock ahead.

Angela Bassett celebrates the 139th Kentucky Derby

Angela Bassett looked nice!

 Coco Rocha celebrates the 139th Kentucky Derby

Coco Rocha looked awesome! As is her wont. She struck a deft balance between having good taste and committing to a legendarily absurd fashion event. Controlled costume-y?

Krysten Ritter attends the 139th Kentucky DerbyWe aren’t crazy about Krysten Ritter‘s look on the whole, but we like the dress, the shoes, the clutch and the intense face she’s giving. She rules.

Elizabeth Chambers and Armie Hammer attend the 139th Kentucky Derby

Armie Hammer brought date Elizabeth Chambers and consensus around the office is that’s a little too close to a rice paddy hat for our liking.

Kid Rock celebrates the 139th Kentucky Derby

Kid Rock. *Shudder*

Kid Rock signs the Moet & Chandon 6L for the Churchill Downs Foundation during the 139th Kentucky DerbyKid Rock! No! What are you doing? Nobody touch the comically oversized champagne bottle now!

Lauren Conrad attends the 139th Kentucky Derby

Lauren Conrad with a solid showing! Yes, we are extremely sick of beige platform pumps in shiny patent leather, but her dress is cute and she showed a lot of restraint overall.

Priscilla Barnstable and Patricia Barnstable  celebrate the 139th Kentucky Derby

Speaking of restraint, Priscilla Barnstable and Patricia Barnstable.

Larry Birkhead and Dannielynn Birkhead attend the 139th Kentucky DerbyThese two are such a bummer. Although Dannielynn Birkhead is adorable, her father Larry Birkhead trotting her out at every event with a press line is just crushingly sad.

Taylor Dayne attends the 139th Kentucky Derb

Taylor Dane. This is all we can do.

Christian Siriano  celebrates the 139th Kentucky Derby

Christian Siriano wore an orange blazer.

J.D. Shelburne (L) and guest celebrate the 139th Kentucky Derby

No clue who this is but LOOK AT THAT TAN.

Jason Biggs and  Jenny Mollen attend the 139th Kentucky Derby

Jason Biggs and Jenny Mollen were on-theme.

Joey Fatone attends the 139th Kentucky Derby

As was Joey Fatone.

Jennifer Belcher and Eddie Montgomery attend the 139th Kentucky Derby

Oh man, who doesn’t hate matching couples outfits (besides Justin and Britney?).

Not only that, but Jennifer Belcher and Eddie Montgomery look styled by Guy Fieri. Look at those boots!

Kate Pierson celebrates the 139th Kentucky Derby

Kate Pierson was in The B-52s and can wear all the loud, clashing colors she wants.

Miranda Lambert attends the 139th Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs on May 4, 2013 in Louisville, Kentucky.  (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)


We are not fond of Miranda Lambert‘s dress, but she should consider wearing more powdery blues and lavenders.

Whittney Allen, Miss Kentucky 2013 attends the 139th Kentucky Derby

Miss Kentucky 2013 Whittney Allen came dressed as a beauty queen.

Smokey Robinson and Frances Robinson attend the 139th Kentucky Derby

Since this was pretty hit or miss, let’s all end on a really wonderful note, shall we? Smokey Robinson (alongside Frances Robinson in Valentino pumps) dropped by and do you know about the time Smokey Robinson was on Sesame Street?

Drop what you’re doing:

(All photos via Getty)

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    • SomminSneakers

      Good God I’m glad I only had to take care of the Top Chef contestants and none of these nightmares. It was a great weekend, glad to be done, though.

    • Sean

      Personally, I think Krysten Ritter looks great, but I wish Joey Fatone would hurry the hell up and get me my cotton candy so I can line up for the teacup ride.

    • anna

      I totally didn’t know this was a thing that still existed. I wore a hat Saturday and was quite confused at all the other people that were wearing hats. It is very sunny today, I reasoned.
      Seriously though, why the hats?