Better Things To Be Afraid Of Than Fashion

helena bonham carter

Fears nothing.

There is a piece on XOJane detailing how one woman is afraid of fashion. She is not alone! Lots of people have a fear of fashion, or feel it is wasteful!

You know who is not afraid of fashion? This chick right here. Me. Me, this chick. 

You know what I am afraid of? Like, everything else, pretty much. Here are really good things to be afraid of that you could maybe use to replace your fear of fashion.

  • Toilet snakes. They’re real and it’s so horrible. There’s probably one in your toilet right now.
  • Pimple on tongue – almost certainly cancer.
  • The fact that your internal organs are almost certainly conspiring against you.
  • You will go out of the world alone.
  • What if heaven is seriously just like Our Town? Because that would suck.
  • The Ebola Virus. Still a thing that exists. A thing waiting to take humanity down.
  • Nuclear war. The unthinkable horror of nuclear war.
  • I mean, there actually are serial killers. They’re not just in the movies.
  • Clowns.
  • Honestly, you probably have some sort of STD, right? It’s just dormant right now, waiting for your doctor to alert you to it the next time you go in.
  • Darkness (actual)
  • Darkness (spiritual)
  • Rain on your wedding day
  • Hail on your wedding day
  • 10,000 spoons in any configuration, because that sounds overwhelming
  • Most things in most Alanis Morissette songs, if we’re being really honest
  • Gremlins. I’d feed them after midnight. Not to make them evil, I’d just be forgetful. Also, what time is not “after midnight?” To some degree, it is always after midnight. I think Ethan Hawke may have that copyrighted for his next movie.
  • Being sued.
  • Alzheimer’s (early stages, where the things you love best slowly slip away from you, and you desperately try to make bargains with whatever God is doing this, like offering to trade your memory of the jingle to The Jeffersons for your grandchildren’s names, but, alas, there is no God).
  • Alzheimer’s (late stages, only terror. Only confusion and terror at being imprisoned with total strangers).
  • None of us are making it out of this alive.

HAPPY MONDAY YOU GUYS!

Share This Post:
    • Sean

      Oh god, toilet snakes. Toilet snakes. Please no.

    • Tania

      A few years back, one of our neighbours had a snake crawl in through their window. Someone had let their pet escape, or something like that. My mom almost had a panic attack when she found out how close it was to us, since she is terrified of snakes.

    • ktree

      As a meteorology nerd and storm chaser, I would be overjoyed at hail on my wedding day.

    • Paola

      I recently discovered we all have something in our hearts called left atrial appendage which can trap blood and form clots which then travel to your brain and then you have a stroke. You’re welcome