Chris Brown Can’t Marry Rihanna Because She’s Too Good For Him Young. Too Young.


He’s kind of got a Sith Lord thing going here, eh?

Okay, listen: when Chris Brown and Rihanna started seeing one another again, I was frustrated. I wasn’t irritated with the latter party because I do not believe she should have been put in that position to begin with, but I was certainly annoyed with how obnoxious the whole thing was — so many Instagrammed photos, so many public comments. It was happening, though, and there was nothing any of us could do to stop it, so we accepted the sad truth and moved on.

Now, of course, Brown is giving everybody yet another reason to dislike him: now that he and Rihanna have broken up, he’s talking to the press about the matter big time. While on Australian radio station 2Day’s The Kyle and Jackie Show, Brown was asked if he would be spending his 24th birthday alone. His reply:

“Yeah, Imma do it solo. I mean, at the end of the day, shawty doing her thang, she on the road … It’s always gonna be love. I’m just gonna do me. I’m a grown man. Just gotta fast forward.”

Hey, could have perhaps just avoided the question — seriously, celebrities are allowed to do that in interviews! — or not answered, but instead, he had to discuss his extremely recent relationship on-air.

“The way I look at it is, I am always going to love that person,. But people have differences and people have different wants and needs. And at the end of the day, she’s a young girl. I can’t really be focused on wife-ing somebody that young. At the end of the day. And I’m young too. So I can’t focus on that right now. I just need to fast forward and be a man and be the best Chris Brown I can be, instead of worrying about whoever else is going to be in my side pocket.”

I mean, I guess if you think about people in relationships as being “in your side pocket,” then yeah — you’re going to see them as weights rather than positive elements that primarily accentuate the good parts of your life. But Rihanna is not a “young girl.” She’s a 25-year-old woman whose career already out-shined most performers’ by age 18. Patronizingly calling her a “young girl” after abusing her — and abuse is most often about power, and implying somebody is a child can be a form of degradation — does not send the message that he respects her.

Plus, it is so remarkably callous to discuss a recent breakup with a radio station. On-air. As in, “not a private conversation with people whom it is appropriate to speak of recent breakups.” There will never be a time when publicly discussing a recent breakup is ideal nor suitable for the occasion. Then again, Chris Brown has the mind of a spoiled child — one we can only hope people will stop supporting as soon as possible. We can only hope that “the best Chris Brown” he can be will include genuine rehabilitation and ceasing to speak of women as though they are inconvenient but oddly satisfying tasks.

Photo: Judy Eddy/

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    • Eileen

      WIFE IS NOT A VERB. Also, what? She’s older than he is. If, say, Michael Bolton were saying he couldn’t commit to her because “she’s a young girl,” it would be patronizing but fair because he is 60 years old. Chris Brown is a year younger than Rihanna. He doesn’t get to call her a kid.

      • Samantha Escobar

        Right? And in emotional maturity years, I am 90% certain he has not yet ben born.

      • Alle

        I keep thinking, this is it. This is the bottom of the barrel for Chris Brown. I can’t dislike him any more. BUT I CAN AND I DO.

        Fuck this guy and his stupid glasses.

      • Sami

        Yeah that is messed…lets not get puritanical about slang.

    • Andrea

      Gawd I’ll never understand this shit. She is gorgeous, talented, successful. She can have any man she wants. WHY OH WHY is she with this ASSHOLE???!!???

      • Ralo

        Maybe being wealthy and beautiful isnt everything ? OR she enjoys being treated like shit or more likely just doesn’t care for those softer kind of men.

    • Sami

      So she can Instagram a pic of him sleeping naked in a bed but he can’t talk about his “very recent relationship” ? Sorry but you guys really seem desperate to avoid hating on Rihanna, why is that ? She goes with the man that she wants to. Rather than criticizing her choice (which would be terribly UN femmenist and perhaps revealing) while drooling overher god awful and mysonogist music and career, ou instead attack some idiot who looks like a wealthy alley cat while drooling over her horrible be mysoginist music and career. You don’t like Chris brown, I get it, me too. At this point, is Rihanna worse ? She went back of her own free will and that isnt worthy of any criticism at all ?