If you saw Gwyneth Paltrow looking all smiley in her pink frock at the Met Ball and thought, “she looks like she is having fun with all of her famous friends,” think again. Gwyneth Paltrow absolutely did not have fun at the Met Ball. Did you hear me? NO FUN WHATSOEVER.
“I’m never going again,” America’s most beautiful and down-to-earth everymom told USA Today. “It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.” Earth to Anna Wintour: for fuck’s sake, trim some fat from the guest list next time. Did you really need to give Kim Kardashian a +1 for her fetus?
It might have made it more fun for Gwyneth had she been able to walk the red carpet with her husband Chris Martin, whom she loves, but she couldn’t even do that, because
Coldplay is the least punk band in the world they have a “private” relationship. Ugh.
Other things that annoyed Gwyneth Paltrow that night included:
-Gluten in all the snacks.
-Alcohol in all the wine.
-Sugar in all the desserts.
-Not enough beans in the brownies.
-Too many people taking her picture.
-Regular Perrier served instead of triple-filtered moon water.
Are you people trying to kill her???
Next year, Gwyneth will celebrate the Met Costume Institute’s yearly grand opening in a much more pleasant fashion: at home, crying into her kale and acai smoothie because she wasn’t invited. But not literally, because sodium leads to bloating.
(Via USA Today)