• Fri, May 10 2013

Possible Reasons Moms Commit Adultery After Mother’s Day

june cleaver mother's day

According to our friends at HowAboutWe, the day after Mother’s Day is the most popular day for women to commit adultery. Huh! How about that. They say:

The notorious pro-cheating site Ashley Madison (yes, the one where you can find the perfect person to have an affair with) announced that the biggest spike in women signing up for the site occurs on the day after Mother’s Day. In fact, last year, they saw a 439% increase in new women signups on that fateful Monday.

This isn’t entirely surprising for a few reasons. HowAboutWe notes:

Cards and flowers and a nice breakfast are lovely, but do they really make up for the weeks of no sleep, the 6 AM carpools, and the piles of mushy Cheerios perpetually left on the floor?

I have thought about this, and no. No. Think about all the reasons to cheat immediately following Mother’s Day.

1) Nobody made breakfast in bed. This is all people want, to eat dry toast and jam in bed, and to fill their bed crumbs knowing they will later have to wash it.

2) Nobody else cleaned the sheets after preparing and bringing breakfast in bed.

3) The “I love you Mom” art the kids made just wasn’t strong enough. It’s maybe a heart, with a handprint on it. Fuck that. Mom wanted a Damien Hirst skull. Mom is breaking out of this and going to go hang out with some real artists.

4) Cheerios. Cheerios are the worst breakfast food. They’re not even frosted. If anyone ever brings you a bowl of cheerios in bed, you should just call your lover on the phone right there. Don’t even wait. Just say “Gustavo, I’m coming over, call for some French toast.”

5) Gustavo is an artist, but maybe he’ll still change the sheets for you.

Picture via Leave it to Beaver

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