• Mon, May 13 - 2:00 pm ET

10 Things Barbie Made Me Proud Of

barbie

There is a post over on XOJane entitled “Barbie Made Me Ashamed To Have Nipples.”

Oh, yes, there is, don’t shake your head skeptically like that. The author explains:

Barbie looks so pretty without them. So smooth. So uniform. Wouldn’t I be prettier, I thought, if I just had two ample mounds with no peachy-pink… tips?

I wondered this well past the playing-with-dolls age and well into boobedness…

It wasn’t long before I started to understand their pleasurable benefits, but I was still convinced that my nipples, which are textbook average looking, were essentially deformities. I understood that everyone has them, but they still made me very anxious and uneasy.

 

Barbie gets a lot of flack for making people feel ashamed of a lot of things, so I thought I might tell you some of the things Barbie made me proud of. These things, basically:

  1. The fact that no giant could pick me up and toss me down the stairs at will.
  2. My effortless ability to move my arms at the elbow. I can pick things up and everything!
  3. Likewise my ability to bend at the knees. I just extended my knee like magic!
  4. My ability to regrow hair if it was “accidentally” chopped off (by willful giants).
  5. My house that was entirely enclosed, not open for everyone to see. Even now, well past playing with dolls age, I love that no one observes me in my apartment except the people in the office building across the street, who I think are watching me right now.
  6. Waving to them!
  7. Maybe number five was an overstatement. Maybe I still need to work on not living in what is essentially an ant farm.
  8. Ability to flee people who wanted to scalp me (giants, again, always the ability to flee giants, I am proud of that every single day)
  9. Having goddamn nipples like a human being.
  10. Being a human being and not a piece of plastic.

Picture via Amazon

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  • AmbienceChaser

    God, I’d hate to know what she thought about Ken.

  • Eileen

    Barbie made me proud of my ability to wear normal shoes.

  • Cee

    Hahaha good god that article made me cringe.

  • Nessy

    Barbie made me proud that my head is firmly attached to my neck.

    • Psych Student

      I LOVE this! You’re wonderful!