Game Of Thrones Believes Male Virgins Are Great At Sex

john snow

Look, there are a lot of unrealistic aspects to Game of Thrones. Not the bits about how there are dragons and zombies wandering around left and right. I am entirely able to accept the possibility of a world with dragons and zombies and wolf people and whatever else is in Game of Thrones. 

I’m less able to accept some of the smaller oddities. This reminds me of Chuck Klosterman‘s essay on Saved by The Bell where he talked about how he was entirely able to accept that Zack Morris could stop time at will, but not that any teenagers would be good friends with their high school principal. In the same way, I do not believe that, even in a world populated by zombies and dragons, people would pause to give completely uninterrupted monologues on the nature of power every few days. I think that would get old.

I also don’t believe that, if a tribal queen was giving birth to dragons in a burning pyre over the course of the night, her entire tribe would fall asleep during the process (Daenerys Targaryen emerges from her pyre the next morning and the entire tribe is snoozingThere wasn’t one guy who wanted to stay up for 6 hours to watch a dragon get born? I’ve stayed up until daybreak reading Twitter).

And I really, really, really do not buy for a single second that male virgins are the best ever at sex. I don’t believe it no matter how hard Game of Thrones wants to push that idea.

They are pushing it, incidentally.

Tyrion Lannister‘s young page who has been dismissed by everyone as “being a bit simple” is rewarded for saving Tyrion’s life – pretty belatedly, as it was last season – with an all expense paid trip to the local brothel. Tyrion leaves money to pay for three prostitutes’ time.  The page returns with all the money telling Tyrion and his rascal-y friend (I don’t know why this sort of devolves into a bad buddy comedy) that the prostitutes enjoyed themselves so much they would not accept his money. Huh! Huh. Right.

Meanwhile, the non-simple John Snow who has been kidnapped by a tribe of Northern people seems to be the best sex some Northern girl has ever experienced in her entire life. This point is made over and over, as is the point that he was previously a virgin. Why? Why was it the best? Apparently, he “does a thing with his tongue.”

First of all, no. No, this falls into the “I do not believe that teenagers have a close personal friendship with their high school principal” school of thought.

Look, we know exactly why they’re doing this. They’re doing it for the same reason that discussions about power are often accompanied by lesbian sex scenes in the background. They’re doing this because there is still some notion that this is a fantasy show for pimply teenage boys who… may not have had sex yet.

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    • anna

      I unknowingly took a boy’s virginity in high school, and he was the best I’ve had then or since. I didn’t find until almost a year later. We ended up dating for 4 years and I still miss that sex :(
      I’m pretty sure that was an anomaly though because I’ve had VERY few men even come close to him in bed

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Maker/653746609 Tom Maker

        Can I do you? I used to be a virgin

    • Lucy T.

      I think you missed something re: Tyrion’s page Poderick. Tyrion paid the whores BEFORE Pod even showed up and told the women to return the pouch Tyrion left in front of Pod. Tyrion was not only buying three ladies for Pod, he was buying a confidence boost. The audience was supposed to be chuckling at Pod for thinking he was such a stud.

      But your point re: Jon Snow might stand. I’ve had great luck with virgin guys. Can’t some people be instinctively good?

      • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

        I must have missed that part! I only saw Tyrion laying down the money for him, and then, later Tyrion and his rascal friend expressing wonderment to one another that Pod had so much success on his first try.

      • P. Ivy

        Except that scene was never actually shown, and if that had been the case then why were Ros and Varys talking about it as if it were fact as well?

      • Lucy T.

        It was heavily implied in Tyrion and Bronn’s faces when Pod returned to Tyrion’s quarters. They were pretending to be shocked. No way anyone in Littlefinger’s employ would ever refuse payment. We see what he does to bad investments. (And there isn’t much that would shock Bronn or Tyrion.) And again, Tyrion was paying for Pod’s reputation as a stud spreading through King’s Landing more than the experience itself.

        Ros is talking to Varys about it because he’s keeping tabs on anything of interest in the castle. There were no facts or details to share. Pod’s ladies had no details of note to give. It’s made up.

      • http://twitter.com/JenAshleyWright Jennifer Wright

        I’m just surprised that there would be no mention of the fact that Tyrion orchestrated it. Game of Thrones is very clever, but it’s not really nuanced in the way Mad Men is wherein someone might have a plan and never reveal it to leave the viewers guessing. If Tyrion had orchestrated that to improve the boy’s reputation, I think he would be onscreen saying so, if not to another character, then to a mirror, or to a puddle with his own reflection in it. They’re all sort of like bad James Bond villains when it comes to explaining things they have done.

    • Eileen

      I didn’t see the episode re: Tyrion, but even before I saw Lucy’s comment, I wanted to say – prostitutes don’t count. Not that a prostitute isn’t a woman or can’t have a good orgasm or anything like that, but a prostitute’s job is to please her customer sexually. Confidence is a part of that. Even if the prostitute HAD actually given back all the money and done it for free, call it a free sample – an investment in a potential long-term customer. (Or an existing long-term customer, i.e. Tyrion)

      But as for virgins in general…I don’t know. Experience definitely CAN make you better, but it doesn’t necessarily. Plus most women like different things. Paying attention to what a woman seems to like is the most important thing, IMHO, and I can believe a virgin is good at that.

      Also, this is a world where faces are shaved with fucking straight razors, aka KNIVES and yet the women have no pubic hair (which I hear is different from the books). They are maybe not like you and me, sexually.

      Also, as for the dragons – I think they thought she died on the pyre. Six hours is a long time to watch a dead woman lying on her husband’s pyre.

    • Elizabeth

      I haven’t been watching this season of GoT so I don’t know how they explained it in the show, but in the book Jon Snow’s oral sex scene isn’t really about him being inherently good at sex. It’s described in a way that it’s a new thing that neither he nor Ygritte (the woman) has every tried, so her enjoyment was out of pure novelty and not the fact that Jon Snow has secret sexual powers (though supernatural powers are a trend in GoT…)

      • sugarunicorn

        Thats what I got out of it too – Ygritte gives the impression that is isn’t something Wildling men would EVER do, so to her its this new, exotic novelty with this brooding, mysterious man from south of the wall.

        Tyrion’s page though? uh.. yea, still waiting for some explanation there.

    • quatra

      “…the prostitutes enjoyed themselves so much they would not accept his money.”
      Of course you misunderstood. The boy didn’t have sex. The hookers had sex with each other. They couldn’t accept money for services not rendered. They were just honest.

    • gbur

      In the book Jon’s prowess in bed is mostly just because he isn’t a wild and hairy wilding who are Ygritte’s only other experiences. He just did things that they would never do because they are ruffians and he is a sensitive new age male. ish.

    • jamiepeck

      “just waggle your tongue around and you’re pretty much good to go.” Works for me. TEAM CUNNILINGUS!