Isn’t it great to enter into a partnership with someone whose needs seem to be compatible with your own? To just feel that, “Yes, we are embarking on this adventure called life together and we feel roughly the same way regarding, say, neatness, and eating preferences, and how often we like to have sex.” I guess this is… the upside to not having arranged marriages, pretty much. A really major upside is feeling like you are marrying someone you think you have the same basic needs as.
Hah! Fooled you, you loony romantic. You should get everything in a contract, because no sooner will you settle down with that person than they will reveal that they actually only like to have sex once a year.
Sex contracts are seriously on the rise. According to The Daily Mail:
Attorneys say that more and more married and unmarried couples are signing relationship contracts that detail how often they will have sex.
The so-called ‘lifestyle clauses’ can include how often the couple is intimate, how they spend their leisure time and spell out what defines cheating, among other things.
When I first told Olivier that should I move to Paris, I would like a contract stating that we’d have sexÂ 5-6 times a day, it was a joke. But then I really thought about it. Why shouldn’t I make demands on which we’d both have to agree? I’m about to give up my life in New York City for him; I deserve to get some specifics in return.
From how many times a day we’ll have sex, to picking up theÂ New York TimesÂ for me every Sunday, to a guaranteed trip to Morocco, to him doing all the cooking â€”Â these are just a few things that will be going in our contract. It may seem absurd, and at first even I acknowledged it was, (although I must admit, I thought it very creative), then I realized I was not alone.
I’m pretty sure no one can have sex five to six times a day except some people in Ancient Rome.
Other than that, I think it’s hard to plan out the specifics of a relationship in quite that much detail. Things could change! People’s needs change and evolve over time. But, hell, if having a contract is something that makes you feel safer going into a relationship, maybe it’s a good idea.
Picture via Getty