• Thu, May 16 2013

There Is Speed Dating For Women “Under A Size Eight.”

ice cream

As if dating - and feeling pretty – in New York wasn’t hard enough already, there is something new to make you feel bad about yourself! Speed dating specifically for women under a size eight. Rachel Rabbit White writes about going to a “Skinny Mini” Speed Dating event where… everyone gets to feel awful, I guess. She says:

“Oh my god,” the woman running the event says to me — who, maybe it should be noted, is not a size small or whatever – “I almost forgot! I have to put your size on your nametags. What size do you wear?”

I tell her, nervously, that I am a four or sometimes a six and sometimes a two, although that’s in, like, really stretchy things.

She stops each of the women at the bar and does this, putting a number on their chests with red sharpie.

So they actually do reduce you to a number. In the most literal and terrible way. I had thought maybe it was a vague notion, but, no, it’s definitely an event where your worth as a person is directly tied to the size of shirts you fit into. Jesus Christ. You might wonder, do the men have to do anything similar? Nope:

“So I’ve been branded as you can see,” I say, pointing to my size on the nametag. “Because, this is my value here. But you didn’t have to meet any requirements to come here, so what value are you bringing to this exchange?”

He is still wearing a brown leather jacket. He frowns, accentuating a second chin.

I try it another way: “Why do you feel you should be with a woman who takes special care of her body?”

“Ah,” he says. “Because I take good care of my brain.”

They should all have to wear the IQ numbers on their chests if that’s the case.

In the interests of journalistic disclosure or whatever – Rachel Rabbit White is a friend (I was the journalist in her article who kept babbling about how people have a right to be off the record). Given this next portion of her essay, I am absolutely 100% only saying that to brag that I have a cool friend.

There was the guy I went home with who put his arm around where I sat on the sofa and said: “If you gained, like, a pound I would no longer be attracted to you.”

 

“Do you have anything to eat?” I asked.

 

I went into the kitchen, not bothering to find a lightswitch, and made sandwiches by the glow of the fridge. I stuffed them into my mouth, a paste of bread and cheese. I took a pint of ice cream from his freezer and left.

The only good thing to come out of this for anyone is a pint of free ice cream.

Picture via Getty

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  • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

    This is astounding.

    • http://www.facebook.com/dredlock.savoy Hotel Savoy

      It’s so true. Will the man-bashing never end?

  • OnSpeedDating.Com

    Can’t believe people are still in an uproar about this event. We (OnSpeedDating.Com) also offer a “More to Love” speed dating event for men that prefer plus-size women & “Size Matter’s” for women that want to date tall men 6’1+

    Do we consider the gays “shallow” for only being physically attracted to men & not giving women a chance!?!? Then why chastise men that are only physically attracted to slimmer women or women that are only physically attracted to taller men, etc. etc. Obviously their are other factors to be evaluated (intellect, values, chemistry), but physical attraction is obviously key and as singles we know what we like.

    If you’re not someone’s type “deal with it,” don’t take it personally and be angry. To each their own.

    • http://poorgoop.com/ Samantha

      I can’t believe you just compared being gay to someone’s personal physical preferences. And I can’t believe I’m validating your comment with a response, but seriously, that was just too gross to let slide.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=14212709 Valerie Ott

      “The gays?” Seriously? You’re gross.

    • CMJ

      Above a size 8 is plus-size?

    • thousandwatts

      “Mom… I’m gay.” “Goddammit, Billy, I thought I’d raised you to be a person of SUBSTANCE!”

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=14212709 Valerie Ott

      Also, do yourself a favor and either get a decent PR person or keep your mouth shut!

    • OhOk

      There’s a big huge line between having a personal type and a dating company (or man…worst date ever) refusing to work with you or shaming you based on your size. GROSS, says the size zero who, as a human, is taking this shitshow personally.

    • soxfansteph

      In addition to my general horror at this, I can’t believe you don’t know the difference between “their” and “there.”

    • MelanieSays

      I don’t get it. I just went to the company’s website and they offer events for everyone, “the gays” included. How are they “shaming” anyone by offering an event for men that like slender women? I personally am sick of the on-line dating scene. Thanks for the blog as I have now found a new and quite refreshing avenue for dating to try.

    • Margaret

      Thanks Melanie/onspeeddating!

    • http://www.facebook.com/robin.yokel Mouche Bonneau

      Wow. You guys are not in touch with reality, are you? If you are just setting people up for sex, then fine, set limitations for physical appearance and be exclusionary. But one does not begin a healthy, lasting relationship by looking at a number. Get a grip. Yeah, as a single I know what I like, and it’s SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T LOOK AT MY NUMBER FIRST. Duhhh.

      Also, Samantha is totally right. You just implied that being gay is a choice. Again, wow. I think I need to go take a shower to go scrub your bigotry and shallowness off me.

    • ozziem

      So you mean to tell me that you don’t have to be physically attracted to someone to be in a romantic relationship with them? Yes, other factors are important as well, no one is saying that they are not, but if you’re not initially physically attracted to someone I don’t care how well spoken, kind & good they are, we’re not going to be more than friends. I am pretty sure the woman wasn’t trying to imply being gay is a choice, but instead, that being attracted to who you are attracted to (tall, thin, thick, etc.), much like being gay isn’t a choice. I get it and I agree. People are obviously “more” than their appearance, but to be in love with someone, there definitely has to be some sort of physical attraction. I’m a very masculine gay man. I do not find feminine gay men attractive. Am I shallow now too? If I were attracted to feminine men, I’d probably like girls.

    • Ollie_Cat

      “…but if you’re not initially physically attracted to someone I don’t care how well spoken, kind & good they are, we’re not going to be more than friends.”

      Not nessecarily. Do you think it’s possible to find someone you may not notice is attractive if they were a total stranger, more attractive because they are so well-spoken, kind, good, whatever it may be?

  • Eileen

    Hmm. I could understand speed dating for people who are little people, or for people with specific (dis)abilities, because there are a lot of things that are challenging or just different for these people that are not for average people. I can also understand speed dating for people in a specific industry. I could even understand “really skinny” speed dating in which women under a size eight and men under a 32 waist get to meet up and be skinny. But in this case, we have men who would prefer to date thin women and women…who would prefer to date men who like to date thin women?

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      This perfectly sums um my issue with the event.

  • Margaret

    “The gays”? Wow. What an awful company.

    • SarahK

      I’m actually a lesbian & don’t find “the gays” at all offensive. What I do find offensive is how people are clearly so easily “offended.” Get over it.

    • JerseyHolly

      I bet if you asked any of the women here who date men to date a guy who was 5’2″ they’d all balk. But they’re not shallow! Preferences, yo!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

      ….I would. And I date dudes. So, uh.
      https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3162906112/hBBC63EA5/

    • http://www.facebook.com/robin.yokel Mouche Bonneau

      Hell, I’d date Peter Dinklage. Every time I say that my friends say,
      “Ewww.” But seriously, he’s not only smart and funny, but he’s a sexy
      beast. It’s not the size that’s the issue here. It’s the labeling and
      excluding and one sex feeling “entitled” to something “beautiful” in the
      other sex. That’s what’s sick.

    • JerseyHolly

      Are BBW events sick?

      I think labeling this event “skinny minny” is probably the wrong tact. And I, too, cringed at “the gays” reference. But other than that, I don’t think it’s wrong for men and women to have preferences. I don’t think most women would blink an eye if there were speeddating events where men were required to be over 5’10″.

      I understand why people are upset, but I would have rathered a story that was more above board and objective. The men depicted in the story are no different than some of the guys I’ve met when I tried speeddating. I felt as though the writer not only lead the guys to say stupid things but couldn’t remove her own personal biases from the story.

    • Margaret

      Exactly Mouche!

    • Tusconian

      This is usually brought up without acknowledging that a) this is openly announcing your preference to the world, not just choosing to date someone of a particular appearance, and b) you don’t know anyone commenting here. For the record, I have dated guys my own height and shorter, and I am hardly an Amazon. I would not, however, go around screaming that tall guys are gross (not that I think they are, dated a few tall guys as well) and how I only date guys who are under a certain height.

    • http://twitter.com/KunkkaKunkaknuk D A N G S T

      Hey, I’m also queer and you don’t speak for me. Take that special snowflake shit out of here.

  • CMJ

    Onespeeddating.com is over on the original post over on Thought Catalog posting the same “response.”

  • JerseyHolly

    “Oh my god,” the woman running the event says to me — who, maybe it should be noted, is not a size small or whatever

    I once went to a Speeddating event for Jewish Professionals and the host was African American and not Jewish. Other than trying to shame the host, what was this comment about?

    • SarahK

      Amen!

  • stephanie

    Man. Rachel Rabbit White is AWESOME. Size-related speed dating is totes lame, though.

    • JerseyHolly

      Really? Is it “totes” lame?

      Are you one of the many people on the internetz who
      likes to engage in mock outrage about how shallow people are and then go
      out with your friends and mock someone at a bar who doesn’t meet your
      specifications?

      Wow. You’re so progressive for being offended. What would all the plus size women who don’t give a shit about any of this do without you to defend them?

    • Stephanie

      What on earth makes you assume that? Simply because I used the word “totes” in the comment? I’m complimented that you assume that I’m conventionally attractive based on my comment, thanks.

      To be honest, I don’t judge or mock people who don’t “meet my specifications,” but I’m sure you won’t believe my saying that. Hope you have a nice day, internet person.

  • SohoChic

    I am NOT happy with what Abercrombie & Fitch is doing, saying kids that aren’t a certain size aren’t “cool” and that they only want to make clothes for “attractive” people size whatever that may be. So this company offers events for bigger women and smaller women. They’re catering to people’s preferences, which, whether you want to admit it or not as people we clearly have. They aren’t saying or implying one is “cool” and one is “not cool” like Abercrombie. It’s also clear to me that the woman from the company who posted the comparison with gay people is trying to make the point that people have preferences and shouldn’t be judged for them. If I still lived in NYC I would want to attend one of these events. I am very petite, many of the men I like prefer thicker, curvier women. I would love to go to an event where men are physically attracted to my body type. Please bring these events to Chicago!

  • Margaret

    I checked out the site too. statuspeople shows that 99% of the followers
    on the company twitter page are fake. Maybe they could have Fake
    Followers night!

  • Tusconian

    But….pant size is literally meaningless! Can someone otherwise considered a size 10 or 12 get around this by shopping exclusively at Banana Republic or Land’s End? What if you’re usually a size 8, but you’re kind of bloated today so had to wear that one pair of size 10 pants you’ve got? What if you’re busty, so a 12 up top but an 8 in pants? Are there helpful guides to women from other countries who don’t have clothes in standard American sizing?

    Also, who are these men who are preoccupied with a woman’s dress size? I know some men who are really critical of women’s bodies to the point of thinking Kate Upton, supermodel, is humongous, but when faced with a woman saying “I wear a size 5 in jeans” would say “what does that even mean?” I understand that some men are shallow and only want women who fit a certain standard (and I really don’t care) but I really don’t understand this concept. A man who is looking to sleep with only thin women shouldn’t have much trouble seeing whether a woman is thin or fat, and behave accordingly.

  • Natasha

    Jennifer Wright – that was one of the worst reviews I ever read. So what exactly happened at the event? What were the men like? What were the women like? Other than skinny? Are you even a writer? This review was a complete waste of everyone’s time?

  • http://www.andthatswhyyouresingle.com/ ATWYSingle

    You might wonder, do the men have to do anything similar? Nope:

    Not true. This group also organizes speeddating events for women who want to date men in the finance industry. The men are asked to put their salaries on their name tags. They offer numerous niche events that cater to various preferences and orientations. Some are tongue in cheek (like Italian Stallion/Cio Bella for people who like to date Italains, Men/Women with Accents, Date a Fireman etc) and some are more targeted to specific interests like Travel Lovers, Artists, etc.

    Do I agree with sizes or salaries being written on a name tag? No. Absolutely not. But similar events where men are expected to reduce themselves to a number do exist.

    It’s understandable why some people are upset about this, but it would have made the story more complete (and let’s face it, more fair) had they mentioned that the group also offers speeddating events for men and women who prefer matches who are *over* a certain size, too, as well as regular speeddating events.

    I think the women running the event and the company was intentionally featured in an unflattering way to fit the story. The more socially inept guys included in the story would be found at ANY speeddating event. (My company has run speeddating events for years. Trust me on this one. :) )

    I would be genuinely interested to hear someone’s experience going to some of the other niche events.