• Fri, May 17 - 10:41 am ET

White Lies Women Tell To Get Laid

lying to get laidOnce again I was looking at Cosmo, furrowing intensely and wondering where on earth they come up with their nonsense. I do this from time to time because I follow them on Twitter (don’t ask me why.) I also like to give my brow a workout with all the aforementioned furrowing.

In this episode of Cosmo forces Chatel to face-palm, they gathered up some of the lies men tell to get into the pants of the ladies:

You already know men will do anything to get a woman into bed—especially when she’s as awesome as you are. And they’re rarely slick about it. That’s why we asked you to tweet us the biggest doozies you’ve heard from dudes in search of a little nooky. Get ready to LOL at these weak lines.

The fact that I want to live in a world where “LOL” has been slowly murdered with a dull spoon is besides the point, so I won’t get into that. But, in this gender equal society where woman want to fuck just as much and as often as men, don’t we tell lies to score the sexy times, too? I know I have, and I know almost every single one of my friends has, too.

So, with that in the mind, here are some of the lies we’ve used to get some action. If you don’t see your usual go-to white lie in the mix, then please add yours. Sharing is caring, and helping to get a fellow woman laid is the most caring of all.

Photo: Someecards

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  • Sean

    Oh, you forgot “I’ve cooked too much *whatever* and I need help eating it”.

    Double entendres are awesome when you finally realize they’re intended as such.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Oooh! Good one! I guess none of the ladies I asked cook…

    • Sean

      That’s too bad…typically one of the fastest ways to get a guy to come over is to offer him food (at least, from what I know).

    • Amanda Chatel

      My dad always told me the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach… I guess that could account for so many botched relationships on my end.

    • Sean

      Pfft…you’re saying your relationships suffered because you didn’t cook? That’s rather archaic isn’t it?

    • Amanda Chatel

      It’s called sarcasm!

    • Sean

      Amanda, sorry that was me. I was trying to be playful but it just came out stabby and I tried to delete it, but it came back as guest. Weird.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Oh! I’m sorry for the snark! Had I known it was THE Sean, I would have read the tone as it was intended. Damn “guest” fuck-up thingy.

    • akatsukami

      Well, your dad was wrong; the way to a man’s heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs. Just don’t let the blade catch on them.

  • Natasha

    Can you help me rearrange my furniture? Can you help me hang pictures? (Bats eyelashes)

  • http://www.facebook.com/freedom.fromtyranny.9 Freedom Fromtyranny

    how about

    dont worry I cant get pregnant

  • Guest

    “I’m on The Pill.”

  • Dm

    “Wanna’ come over and see my dogs?”

    • murse

      WOOF!

  • The One The Stripes

    Depending on your perspective, ‘Let’s get a six pack and go to your place.’ worked pretty well for me!
    I mean, I’m engaged to the guy now, so as a one night stand it was a (spectacular) failure, but, ya know, yay love!

  • Tom

    I fell for the, “come kill a spider”. I’m such a sucker! :)

  • http://twitter.com/LostIn1977 Lost with Poe

    Women don’t have to lie to get laid. They just have to say “Free Vagina, On Depo, No strings attach!”

  • M

    When I first read the headline I thought it said “Lies White Women Tell To Get Laid”. That article would’ve been much funnier.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jessicah.wilton Jessicah Wilton

    Let’s watch a movie.

  • MarMar

    My line is “I have some good pot. Wanna get high?” and then it leads to kissing and then…whoops :p,

    • Pat_in_Colorado

      But is that really a lie? Well I guess it would be if the pot’s not good!

  • CH1EF_QUEEF

    “Hey, I have a bunch of old kung fu movies on DVR and I made burritos, wanna come over?”

    At least that’s how I snagged the husband, bwahaha. Men =/= rocket science.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Don-Surber/505164265 Don Surber

    Sadly, I have never heard any of these things :(

  • http://thevailspot.blogspot.com/ Rich Vail

    Growing up in a summer tourist town…I head most of these (no subway on the beach…lol) during the summers.

  • Southern Man

    My favorite? “You can stay in my guest room.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jim-Sweet/100001501050997 Jim Sweet

    I’d never be caught by any of these, but I really wanna meet #8.

  • Michael

    Why would a woman have to lie to get laid? All she has to do is say, “Take off your clothes. Now!”

  • http://twitter.com/HeftyJo HeftyJo

    I had a girl up at work send me an email with her cell # out of nowhere, “In case I had any questions about project XYZ.” Uhh huh…. ;-) I texted her a message asking a serious professional questions but the conversation quickly turned flirty/funny. Next thing I know she’s over my house sucking me off.