Titanic II: Ice Rage Cruise Ship Will Pay Crew Members With Elitism And, Uh, Love


This has not exactly been a great year for cruises, what with the innumerable disgusting tales of ships becoming literal overflowing toilets and disease-ridden vomit fests. But in case you didn’t hear in February, a billionaire entrepreneur named Clive Palmer has invested a massive amount of money into recreating the Titanic for a second voyage, because its first was just so, so much fun, it needs repeating. Can’t afford the $1M possible price tag for a ticket to crash while participating in a dubiously cursed plot line? You can work on it!…for love.

In an interview with News.com.au, Palmer explained that the staff would receive an average paycheck, but would also benefit in many, many more non-monetary ways.

“(Wages) will be pretty similar to other cruise ships but there will be a certain elitism to say you’ve worked on Titanic II,” he said.

“They’ll get to have a 20-course dinner in first class.

“(Staff accommodation) will be in better quality cabins than the passengers.

“I think you’d fall in love and get married. It will be a ship full of love.

“Love seems to come to everybody regardless of how we look. That’s what keeps the human race going – it’s the chemistry you’ve got between two people.”

Fortunately, elitism and love pay all bills.

Oh, and Palmer wants to make another Titanic movie. When asked if there would be such a film, he replied, “Of course!” as though it was crazy to even ask such a question of a delusional billionaire with awful ideas.

Unfortunately, this cruise ship film will not involve Jack & Rose being resurrected (side note: would Young Rose or Old Rose come back? if it’s the latter, we’re in for some May/December zombie romance). Instead, this will likely just include an iceberg, because of course it will. But seriously, how much do people wanna bet that this will, at some point, have a fake iceberg scare to “give authenticity”?

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    • Eileen

      I think you’d have to pay me way more than an average paycheck even to consider this job. Talk about creepy.

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        Amen, girl.

    • anna

      I remember the first time I saw Titanic, I was around 10 and extra sensitive. I sobbed for around 2 days, and I remember at one point choking out to my mother that they needed to have a titanic 2 where “jack and rose look down from heaven and stop any other disasters from happening”. I’m amazed my mother held back her snorting laughter.

      So, Clive Palmer, 10 year old self would be very appreciative of you re-writing history and making a new movie

      • http://www.facebook.com/sameurysm Samantha Escobar

        I love this comment.

    • Adi

      Hey, if you’re going to be working on a cruise ship you may as well get mega perks.