• Mon, May 20 2013

15 Reasons The Men In Your Life Are Not Don Draper

don draper mad men

We all end up thinking that we’re characters on TV shows. Some women end up thinking that they’re Carrie Bradshaw, or, worse, Hannah Horvath. They are not. Even more ridiculously, some men in your life may think they are Don Draper. No. They are not Don Draper. They are maybe Pete Campbell. Here is why:

don draperDoes the man in question look like this? See above. He does not. He would be famous. Your friend is not Jon Hamm. I do not believe you.

don draper

Does he even wear a suit? No?

don draper 4

No, not like, “He once wore a suit at his brother’s wedding.” Does he wear a fucking cool suit every single day, as if he is the sexy villain in a teen movie (Pretty in Pink, Cruel Intentions). No, huh?

don draperHe does not sit around reading Dante at the beach. No. He just checks his iPhone over and over.

don draperHe cannot sit around drinking like Don Draper, because, as the show repeatedly proves, no one can do that. No one.

draper mad men

When he severs ties with people abruptly, you do not always think, “Yes, that was completely called for.”

boss

He is not best friends with his boss. His boss does not even want to hang out with him.

cigarette don draper

He cannot talk with a cigarette in his mouth.

don draper hat

Dude, he looks ridiculous in a fedora. I know this. You know this. We all know this.

white tuxedo don draper

And he looks like a waiter in a white tuxedo. An imaginary white tuxedo he does not own.

tux don draper

Oh, God, he does not even own a tux, does he?

don draper birthday

Maybe people got him a cake or something for his birthday, but that was about it.

tomorrow

When he says, “I’m living life like there’s no tomorrow because there isn’t one” people question that statement, don’t they?

don draper

No, seriously, when he says things like, ”The reason you haven’t felt it is because it doesn’t exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons” people laugh at him, don’t they? They laugh.

don draper

Judging from last night’s episode, they are able to work without consuming an amount of drugs that would slay Edie Sedwick instantly. You should compliment them on that, and they should feel good about that.

Pictures via Mad Men

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  • Tania

    I would not want the men in my life to be Don Draper.

    • jmr1016

      I wouldn’t mind if they LOOKED like Don Draper….

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessie-Winitzky/533709461 Jessie Winitzky

      Agreed 100%. Don Draper is an asshole.

  • http://toyboxkiller.tumblr.com/ Cate

    Based on this list I’m starting to think that I am Don Draper. I am not sure how I feel about that.