If you’re going to use one biopic this year – that is not Liz and Dick, a very important film – as a kind of road map for how to live your life, may we suggest Behind the Candelabra. The HBO movie starring Michael Douglas as Liberace and Matt Damon as his younger boyfriend/adopted son really made us assess everything. We laughed. We cried. We learned about plastic surgery in detail. (But, no, seriously, it’s actually a good movie, and really worth watching. I sincerely think Michael Douglas should win an Emmy for it, but he probably will not, because it does not feel like the kind of thing that will be up for Emmys).
We learned that…
- Liberace started wearing brightly colored sequin outfits because he worried if he wore black he’d blend into the piano. So, wear more sequins to work so you do not blend in with your cubicle, maybe?
- If you get too much plastic surgery, you will be unable to close your eyes completely. It’s creepy.
- Getting plastic surgery to look exactly like your older lover is probably a bad idea, although it can work out better than you expect, really.
- Be skeptical of any plastic surgeon who tells you that you should only have to do a facelift once and it will stay in place forever. Those plastic surgeons will leave you looking like a deranged cat.
- Having an entire diet based around “taking pills” is really not a diet so much as a drug addiction
- You absolutely need to know how to put your underwear on properly. That is incredibly important if you are wooing some older man.
- Have couple friends. Seriously, just have friends. Have friends you do things with.
- Just slap rhinestones on absolutely everything. Every single item of clothing you have.
- Being kept entirely by a wealthy lover means that you will spend a lot of time in a pool and not doing much else. It will not actually be that much fun.
- But you should make out with your partner constantly. There is pretty much no scene in this movie where Matt Damon and Michael Douglas are not making out. It seems like it works for them.
Picture via Behind the Candleabra