How To Deal When You’re Dating An ‘Aidan’

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“When Bren and I first started dating, I’d wake up in the middle of the night terrified that something bad was happening just like Carrie in Sex and the City. Everything was so great and calm; I wasn’t used to it.”

That’s what my friend Erin told me the other night as we talked about our current relationships: the drama of there being no drama. It’s confusing when nothing is amiss, when everything falls into place, and there is no mystery. It’s, frankly, scary, especially if you’ve spent the majority of your life with Big type characters.

“I hate to bring up Sex and the City,” she continued, “but it really was like dating Aidan. He was too sweet, too available and actually wanted a relationship that involved planning for the future. It was weird — but now I’m used to it.”

With Olivier, everything is so lovely. I’m literally living in Edith Piaf’s song, “La Vie En Rose.” I’m with a man who’s actually taking me to Chatel, France this summer! Chatel in Chatel, you guys. And he wants to do all these sweet things and marry me and love me forever, while all I do is stare at him and wonder if he might be an escapee from a mental institution. It’s weird; the whole thing is just fucking bizarre.

But I don’t think it’s uncommon to have feelings of confusion when you’ve finally found a person who loves you for you and wants to do so for the rest of their life. So before I go and sabotage this great thing by creating drama for the sake of a bad habit, Erin gave me some tips. And now, my friends, let me share them with you.

All photos: HBO

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    • Cee

      I’m marrying a lady Aidan and it is so so blissful most of the time. I just wish I didn’t have a lady Big that keeps trying to wedge in every now and then.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Ugh. Story of so many of our lives…

      • Samantha Escobar

        Yayyy, congratulations! :D

        (Also, curses on Lady Big!)

    • Eileen

      BUT if you do think something’s missing without drama, get out now and stop wasting your Aidan’s time. In other words, don’t be Carrie.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Exactly. No one wants to be a Carrie.

      • Elizabeth Licata

        We should all get bracelets that say WWCD to remind us to always ask ourselves what Carrie Bradshaw would do, then do the opposite of that.

    • Sean

      I’d say be happy you found YOUR Aidan, because odds are, he was someone else’s Big before that. It’s all subjective.

      • ash

        So true.

    • SomminSneakers

      oh man, we are going to be so happy:)

    • RM

      OMG I would have married Aidan without batting an eyelash. He put up with way too much Carrie shit (for real, a squirrel?!). He was so dreamy.

    • RM

      Actually, one of the tips should be “try not to do kartwheels in public because you found the most perfect man ever.”

    • Tania

      Having been reading your various relationship dramas for a while now, I have my fingers super crossed for you! I hope everything continues to be weirdly blissful.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Thank you, Tania! xo.

    • Cate

      This was very helpful. I’m dating my first good boyfriend ever, and like, I’m pretty sue he’s just insane. Then I have to step back and remind myself he’s NOT insane, I’ve just dated too many insane guys in my life.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Exactly. It’s a fucked up truth, but good guys really do exist.