Things Women Do That Cause Divorce

woman shouting in mans ear stock photo

For starters, stop unhinging your jaw and making his face melt. Jeez. Cool it.

If there’s one thing women love more than getting married (OMFG weddings!), it’s ruining marriages. In fact, studies* have shown that women cause nearly all divorces.

Now, you may think you know why–and, yes, usual suspects like nagging and getting fat rank high on endless lists of things women do that cause divorce–but they aren’t all so obvious and sitcom trope-y.

So, without further ado, here is our attempt at cobbling together a definitive list of things women do that cause divorce, based on various pieces of hard science from around the internet.

Not having enough sex
Not initiating sex enough
Not being hot (/enough)
Not being as hot as other women
Not looking like a sexy baby
Being vain
Thinking you deserve anything
Nagging
Complaining
Talking to him
Talking at all really
Not modulating your voice (so he hears it differently)
Not talking like a sexy baby
Modulating your voice too much
Being affected
Not putting enough emphasis on staying married
Not putting enough pressure on yourself
Eating too much gluten
Not wanting to have sex because you are eating presently
Not being/forgetting to be his girlfriend
Not being his sidepiece
Not being mistress-y enough
Being a “stereotypical wife”
Dressing like a wife
Saying no to sex sometimes
Saying no to sex ever
Not being an eager fuckhole 24/7
Being boring
Letting yourself go
Eating any of these foods
Gaining anywhere between 5-20 lbs.
Gaining more than 10 lbs.
Getting fat
Being fat already
Being obsessed with your weight
Wanting to start a family
Being frigid
Getting pregnant
Being pregnant
Not wanting to have sex because you’re currently pregnant
Gaining baby weight
Not losing the baby weight
Becoming obsessed with losing the baby weight
Failing to “keep it tight”
Not having a sense of humor about it
Not being able to take a joke
Not being able to take a joke, Fatty
Not wanting to have sex because you’re humorless
Spousal abuse (er, “trust issues”)
Wearing flannel pajamas to bed
Wearing pajamas
Wearing sweatpants
Comfortable sleepwear (miscellaneous)
Not buying enough sexy lingerie
Shopping too much
Spending frivolously
Not treating yourself
Worrying too much about his needs
Being stressed out all the time
Getting wrinkles from stress
Getting wrinkles
Being stressed about trying to be everything all the time
Being stressed from reading about how divorce is your fault
Not wanting to have sex because you’re stressed
Neglecting your own needs and desires
Being too accommodating 
Asking for foot massages
Not giving enough foot massages
Going on and on about your day
Not being open about your feelings
Establishing open lines of communication
Not wanting to have sex because you’re talking
Being self-obsessed
Smothering him
Not honoring him
Not obeying him
Not showing him enough respect
Not putting him before the kids
Neglecting your personal stock
Not focusing on your career
Neglecting him for your career
Your complete lack of an identity 
Being needy
Being independent
Being successful
Having friends
Confiding in your friends about whatever
Not trusting him
Being complacent
Trying to control him
Not asserting yourself
Just plum not enough delegating
Not being nice to the in-laws
Letting his in-laws push you around
Not being nice to his mother
Not wanting to have sex because you hate his mother
Making him spend time with your parents
Always insisting you’re right
Not having a backbone
Avoiding physical pain (?)
Constantly belittling him
Always being the victim
Forgetting to cherish him
Not wanting to have sex because you’re cherishing him
Always focusing on what’s wrong

(Photo via Shutterstock)

*Just trust us

Share This Post:
    • Sean

      I respectfully disagree. My partner’s flannel nightgown is the sexiest piece of sleepwear she owns. Screw lingerie, that thing drives me nuts.

    • Heddy

      I seriously couldn’t believe this headline and clicked it only because I was super pissed and wanted to rage at you in the comment section. Like, REALLY GLOSS? WHY IS MY FAVORITE LADYSITE RESORTING TO THIS CRAP?

      Then I read it and it was perfect and now I feel like a big dumbass for underestimating you guys.

    • Adria

      oh my god this was good

    • denver the last dinosaur

      Wow–it’s kind of amazing to see everything that’s horrible and shaming about all content aimed at women in one neat list.

    • LindsayCross

      I have to admit that like Heddy, I had the briefest glimpse of, “What the hell guys?” and then I saw Ashley’s name as the writer and I took a deep breath and loved you more than ever.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        I like to set expectations low so it seems like I over-deliver.

    • WhoKnew

      JUST SAY NO!

    • LynnKell

      Oh man! As a girlfriend I’ve done 95% of the stuff on that list. Am I doomed???? *sobs*

      Hillarious, wonderfully hillarious

    • NeverWrong55

      well they are CHEATING much more nowadays, that is for sure.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        …?

      • RightOn

        women like you are certainly the cause of Divorce.

      • katy

        Not divorce, but Divorce. It’s much fancier. You should be pleased.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        I only cause The Divorce, actually.

      • len132

        When I capitalize Words it means I am Serious.

    • Mehiella Satchi

      Why would you people even post this? This is so lazy, everybody with a semi functioning brain knows these “reasons” are bullshit, if someone actually want to divorce because of them then they deserve a divorce!

      • Superjack

        Actually, everyone with a “semi functioning brain” realizes this is satire.

    • Eagle Eye

      So, the spousal abuse/ trust issues confused me, then I followed the link realized exactly how much I love this site and how much I hate the rest of humanity

      • katy

        I know, right? It must be obvious day at camp stupid. No shit cheating and hitting someone may compromise your relationship.

    • oliver

      So by exagerating these points and taking them out of proportion it makes them all BS is that the message?

      Come on guys this is not a sexism thing its a human thing. There are people with unrealistic expectations of all sex’s just as there are lovely ones.

      • Owly

        This comment is giving me a migraine.

    • Kate

      how ironic that women actually initiate most divorces!

    • anewman513

      Missed: Unwillingness to initiate hot 3-way with a chesty and uninhibited sorority girl

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        Women be selfish’

      • Psych Student

        That is truly insensitive. :)

      • Jaharri Asten

        LMFAO!

    • Alexis H

      This is good. This is really good. Especially since every time I turn to google to figure out some silly relationship-y thing because I have stunted social skills, all I see are endless posts demanding to know what I’m doing wrong that is causing my man to not take out the garbage as often or whatever. Usually the answer is “you must be fat now” or “boys will be boys.” It doesn’t matter what the question is.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        Truth.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        Or “men are visual.”

      • Alexis H

        This could go on for days. There should be a sister post to this one about reasons his bad behavior isn’t his fault.

      • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

        Oh, I’ve got a few more in the pipeline.

        The problem is the complete bullshit I have to wade through in order to fill these very long lists.

    • J in the SGV

      Nowhere do I read that the number one thing that women do to cause divorce is “get married.”

      If you don’t want to get divorced, don’t get married. Problem solved!

    • David Laidig

      It is our planet

      • shootmyownfood

        “Our” meaning the entirety of the human race, right? Both genders.

    • David Laidig

      It is hard to find a Country where millions of women prefer a 800 sq foot apartment to a 2300 sq foot house. The seem to enjoy moving their kids out a beautiful home with a great income because they don’t need no GD man. ahhahahahahaha! Wellll maybe not!

      • Alexis H

        Wait, wut?

        If I’m understanding your comment correctly, my only response is that I am fully supporting a family of three in a major city while simultaneously earning my law degree. So how exactly do I fit in to this concept of the female leech, desperate for male support? My husband relies on ME, not the other way around.

      • Kathy comeer

        @ David Laidig ….as sad as your comment is, it certainly shows a lack of sensitivity and understanding. Imagine valuing your mental health so much that you’d rather live in a shack peacefully than living in a palace in tumult.
        Sometimes we make hard choices and risk rebuilding at great financial costs.
        The stay and stray option is a choice for many and for others the taste of hypocrisy is disgusting. If only we could live a one dimensional life of where finances are all that matters in life.

    • MammaSweetpea

      I blame crap magazines like Cosmo for lists like this, and now this BS is all over the internet. I learned early in life that so called “women’s” magazines don’t have my best interest at heart. Great post, Ashley!

      • Michelle

        I learned the same thing when I read in Cosmo that it doesn’t matter if you don’t have an orgasm during sex; the correct thing to do is gush about how great he is, compliment his member, fake it, then quietly finish yourself off later. It was so wrong.

    • Torontochick

      I see you’ve been talking to my ex.

    • Jaharri Asten

      Yup…that list explains, in a nutshell, what ruined it :-)

    • devin watley

      Very funny. This article is clearly either a very snarky sarcastic spoof or it was written by a woman hating man pretending to be a woman.

    • Guest

      The more people I date, male & female, & the more I see of the world, the more I realize almost everyone is essentially a selfish fucking cunt & you can’t trust anyone because almost everyone seems to always want something besides what they have. #jaded #bitterhag

    • Melissa

      Can we just leave women alone, geez, marriages end, it happens. Why does everything have to come to some long list of all the things we are doing wrong. How bout the massive amount of things we are doing right….

      • Michelle

        Melissa… it was satire.

    • Igniss

      This is a very poor and not funny at all attempt to lambast legitimate divorce data into something more palatable to feminism.

    • Guest

      Hard to take the truth.
      But this is the way men see it.
      Love em or leave em.

    • Sergeyevna

      You gotta add to that list: not wanting to get pregnant, not being currently pregnant, not having as your only aim in life to become “the mother of his children”…

    • sab

      This is so funny :))))))

    • Jamie Marie Buckner

      This was meant to be ironic and funny not to be taken literally.

    • True

      Well much more women are Cheating nowadays.

    • timmy

      Not shoving her tongue in my ear enough during sex!