If you’re living in Mississippi you should move. I’m serious. Mississippi is completely dreadful. It’s humid, it’s one of the most conservative states in the nation, and has a governor, Phil Bryant, who blames the fall of society on the fact that women — gasp! — went out into the workplace instead of staying home barefoot and preggers, making more babies and waiting on their man. Bryant actually firmly believes this to be the absolute truth. Look at yourselves, women of the United States! YOU’VE RUINED EVERYTHING. Now get back in that kitchen and make a bundt cake for your hubby.
But it’s not just the governor that makes Mississippi the less than stellar place that it is (although he’s, by no means, helping), but there are also a bunch of other factors that contribute to it. As The Daily Beast reports:
It has the nationâ€™s highestÂ poverty rate, its second-highestÂ teen pregnancy rate, and its highest teen birth rate. AnÂ Education WeekÂ reportÂ ranks its schools 48 out of 50. Only LouisianaÂ locks upÂ a higher percentage of its people. Its infant mortality rateâ€”9.67 deaths per 1,000 live births, the highest in the nationâ€”is close to Botswanaâ€™s. Its life expectancy is the lowest in America and lower than those ofÂ Guatemala or Pakistan. Few states invest less in public education or public health. If it were an independent country, weâ€™d consider it part of the Third World.
It’s also “one of only four states” that has never, ever sent a woman to Congress to represent their wonky state. Why? Well, as we already covered, women have their place and it’s definitely not in the world of the men-folk. You see, women can’t handle being in Congress. Women are likely to cry, take off every time they have their menses, then leave work early to buy shoes.
But don’t you fret, my furry pets! Because Bryant is on the case to fixing all these “issues” in his state. As long as he can keep women out of Congress, and some how pass a law making it completely illegal for a woman to leave the house without her
caveman husband’s permission, he will be well on his way to creating a perfect society. However, in the meantime he’s going to tackle that pesky high teen pregnancy rate. He may not have succeeded in outlawing birth control, the morning after pill and abortion, but this new brilliant idea definitely makes sense. Are you ready? Great. Let’s go!
On Monday, NPR reported on a new Mississippi law mandating the collection of cord blood from babies born to girls under 16. The idea, apparently, is that DNA could identify fathers who have passed through the criminal justice system and who might be statutory rapists, hence discouraging older men from impregnating younger girls. â€śToo many of these young teens are becoming pregnant against their will,â€ť Bryant said.
What the fucking fuck?
Yes, let’s try to take away access to birth control, rob a woman’s right over her own reproductive organs, and invade her privacy instead. THIS MAKES MORE SENSE THAN I’M EVEN CAPABLE OF WRAPPING MY BRAIN AROUND THAT’S WHY I SIT HERE BEFORE YOU CONFUSED AS FUCK.
It doesn’t seem to matter to Bryant that 65% of pregnancies in Mississippi are the result of two teens, with less than two years between them in age, getting it on in the back of some car somewhere without proper protection. No, the real people to blame for all this pregnancy are criminals, because only criminals have the necessary potency to get girls knocked up.
Then, because that paragraph wasn’t face-palm-worthy enough, with two women being prosecuted under Mississippi’s murder statutes simply because they had drugs in their system at the time they suffered stillbirths, we are to understand that forced retrieval of blood gives even more of an excuse to prosecute the women in these horrible situations. You suffered a stillbirth? Well, now you’re going to jail. Murderer!
It’s a big old mess, and proof that, on a whole, women aren’t exactly being treated like human beings down there in Mississippi.
It’s hard to believe, as a New Yorker who has lived her entire life well north of the Mason Dixon that this shit is still happening in the country in which I live, and in the year 2013. It’s almost inconceivable to understand that when it comes to safe sex and protecting our teenagers from unwanted pregnancies, we have people in government doing everything they can to stand in the way of the health and the future of our younger generations.
We shouldn’t punish women who have sex by denying them access to protection, and the rights over their own body. But, hey, if the leaders of Mississippi want to be regarded as being on the same level as a third world country by the rest of us, then that’s they’re jam. I just wouldn’t advise anyone I love that they move there anytime soon.
I’ll say it again: what the fucking fuck?