First of all, before you even ask: yes, Myspace still exists! No, we are not sure how or why. What we can tell you is that they are still making enough money to throw giant, celebrity-studded events in Los Angeles, complete with a red carpet full of famous and not-so-famous faces.
Unfortunately, last night’s Myspace Launch Event’s attendees apparently adhered to a strict dress code: awful. Just…awful. No, really — I’m pretty sure every single person’s stylist needs to change their bong water. Have we learned nothing from Chloe Sevigny‘s words? (Answer: No. Of course not. Nobody in Hollywood learns anything, apparently.) In all seriousness, this is quite possibly the worst red carpet I have ever seen. I haven’t been doing this long, and it’s got varying degrees of bad; there are certainly some worse than others. But overall, it’s just so devoid of anything remotely good.
Ripped jeans, a cross necklace and high heels? Vanessa Hudgens, oh dear.
Ashley Tisdale: as relevant as Myspace and as well-dressed as your middle schooler cousin who finally discovered Wet Seal.
We’ve been over this. Miley Cyrus: you win the title of “The Worst.”
I once dated a guy who loved Jojo. We broke the fuck up.
Jennifer Morrison, I can’t even with you right now.
Fun story: I once saw Nervo at an event where they were supposed to be DJing. Instead, they just let music play while they posed for pictures (using peace signs, of course). It was kind of depressing.
Even Coachella wouldn’t let Kimberly Cole in. Thusly, she went to Myspace, which welcomes literally anybody, apparently.
I give Amy Smart props for at least wearing jeans without rips in them.
Dianna Agron‘s outfit restored a slight bit of faith in my humanity.
You know your event is in trouble when Tara Reid is one of the better-dressed people there.
Kelly Osbourne opted for a lovely hairstyle (I have a feeling that won’t be a popular opinion, though) and a simple dress.
Olivia Wilde, you are too cool to not be better at this whole “dressing yourself” thing.
Roxane Mesquida wore brights really well. There, I said something nice! (But seriously, she really does look lovely.)
Note to Leah LaBelle and errbody else: stop with the absurdly ripped jeans, simple shirt and casual hat look. It looks silly, and we all know you spent hundreds of dollars on such a ridiculously bad look.
Even Emile Hirsch looks embarrassed to be there.
While I do not like Nana‘s shoes one bit, at least she’s doing something interesting that doesn’t involve ugly ripped shorts or ugly ripped jeans.
Sanaa Lathan also looks significantly better than most. That belt isn’t a great color with the rest of the outfit, but her makeup is gorgeous.
Melody Thornton: Nah.
Why are you, Caroline D’Amore?
Photos: Getty Images.