Here’s The Thing About Snooki ‘Praying’ To Have A ‘Gay Little Boy’

nicole snooki polizzi gay son

While at an event hosted by The Trevor Project, an organization that’s dedicated to preventing LGBTQ suicide, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi and Jenni “JWoww” Farley said some, er, questionable things about the gay community. First, Snooki’s quote:

“Me and Jenni weren’t exactly the best role models. But now that I’m a mom, I’m so grateful for The Trevor Project to support the LGBT youth so they have someone there for them because I’m praying I have a gay little boy one day.”

I won’t lie, I always get a little irked when people become stoked on a cause — like feminism or teen suicide — and attribute it to having kids. These are human issues, and while they may be enhanced if you have a family member to whom they apply, they should matter regardless. But still! It’s the “praying I have a gay little boy” thing that actually bothered me. More on that momentarily.

Jenni said this about she and Snooki’s views on protecting gay people:

“We’re huge supporters of the LGBT community…so we would do anything to help them and protect them. We feel like moms when it comes to our gays — we really do.”

I do not like when people say, “Oh, the only guys I like are gay” or “my gay BFF is the best for shopping.” I do not like shows where gay characters are like sidekicks who are always allowed to comment on straight characters’ lives, answering questions on clothes and boyfriends, but never shown experiencing anything for themselves. This bizarre portrayal of gay people being (A) somehow all easily categorized and (B) being like little talking chihuahuas to visit Fashion Island with is absurd, insulting and outdated.

“Praying” for a gay son makes it sound like you’re hoping that someday, you’ll get a Ferrari that’s in the exact color you want it to be. It also presumes that her existing son Lorenzo is not gay, and considering his ripe old age of 10 months, I have a feeling that aspect of his life isn’t exactly clear as day yet. It’s singling out a sexuality as some sort of addendum to a personality, like a little sparkly accessory that completes the Mom outfit.

Look, I have no doubt that Snooki’s heart was in the right place. Seriously: I support just about any celebrity who believes in equal rights for all. But I also hope the way we all discuss LGBTQ rights can consistently acknowledge that individuals, regardless of sexuality, are individuals and should be spoken about as such — that straight people are not somehow the keeper of the keys, nor “the moms,” of non-heterosexuals.

Photo: Getty Images

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    • Lastango

      “Look, I have no doubt that Snooki’s heart was in the right place.”

      I think there’s room for doubt; Snooki always surfs the wave.

      I agree the one-sided roles for gays are bad. A while ago, elsewhere, I read an opinion lamenting typecasting. For instance, if an American Indian appears in a movie, that actor’s job is to be an Indian, and to do and say (and probably wear) things that have an Indian sensibility. Perhaps the role is that of Magic Indian, appearing at key moments to reveal the ancient wisdom that saves the day or helps the lead characters redeem themselves.

      The commenter said that we shouldn’t measure social progress by how many of these characters appear on our TV and movie screens. Even when there are lots of them, they may be there only to provide spice, local color, and other forms of pseudo-depth, or to help viewers feel the fuzzy, smug, self-validating specialness that comes with thinking pre-approved inclusiveness thoughts. Instead, the commenter suggested, we should hope for the day when an American Indian can appear on screen as just another character, and be developed as a person instead of as an Indian.

    • Cee

      I really hate when moms say “I hope my son is gay so we can make cupcakes and paint each others nails all the time.” Eyeroll! By the way, do dads say “I really hope my daughter is a lesbian so she can help me fix cars”? It just sounds like gay sons are a moms cute accessory when really, being a gay son comes with bullying, self esteem issues and inequality. NOT to say being gay is such a suffering event at all times. But, while some parents are supportive of the lgbt children, all lgbt parents have to deal with a heart breaking worry of them bumping into someone who will not accept who they are. Even my non accepting mother texts me here and there to make sure no one has punched me in the face.

      • Sabine

        not to mention the fact that there are gay boys who like to help dad fix cars and gay girls who like to make cupcakes with mom… sexuality and personality are kind of majorly different.

    • Justme

      Children are not collectibles.

    • koolchicken

      I don’t care if my kid’s gay, why? Because he could be gay and be more masculine than his very straight father. Or he could be straight and be more feminine than me (not likely but still). Gender and sexuality have little to do with one another. Why can’t my straight son paint nails with me? Why does he have to be gay to shop? Right now he’s 7 months and loves to shop with me, thinks my painted nails are pretty, and his playlist includes Elton and Queen. I hope that never changes because all that stuff is awesome and you don’t have to have a specific sexual preference to rock out to Queen.

    • Katie

      I was just thinking about this topic the other day. I always have to bite my tongue when someone says “my gay best friend…” like they’re an accessory.

      • ElleJai

        I used to say “my gay best friend” occasionally, because the man was so camp it was ridiculous and I found it worked out better for everyone if there was an acknowledgement up front that yes, that 6 ft 8 guy was very obviously into other dudes. It also helped people not punch him in the face.

        Mind you, I didn’t refer to him exclusively as “gay” any more than I exclusively refer to my cousins that way. They’re my friend/cousin first, and being gay is just one part of them, just like “obsessed with his PS3″, “exceedingly social” or “kinda intimidating but he’s like a puppy when you get to know him” is.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        “I found it worked out better for everyone if there was an acknowledgement up front that yes, that 6 ft 8 guy was very obviously into other dudes.”
        I am genuinely confused as to how acknowledging somebody who tall’s sexuality is somehow better for everyone else, or even why it would need to benefit anybody else. Or why people would punch him if they don’t know he’s gay. I’m not trying to criticize you; I’m just really, really confused by that.

      • ElleJai

        He was physically very intimidating (and reinforced that perception with annoying little power plays) but when he was in a happy, sociable mood, he was camp. Most people had no idea and would make homophobic comments around us (if he’s that big he CAN’T be gay, right?) and after a while we got sick of either a) performing the public service of re-educating homophobic bigots and b) fending off the assertions we were getting married. Apparently we acted like an old married couple and that was enough to declare our wedding a foregone conclusion.

        Or he’d start getting aggressive with the luckless homophobe and I dislike watching two grown men practically beat their own chests in a pathetic, public cry for attention.

        It just turned out quicker and easier to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Yes, he’s gay, NOW MOVE THE F*#$ ON.

        Which is when you got into more fun territory, such as comparing favourite bands/tv shows/pubs and generally behaving like normal, grown people are expected to.

        (I should also add with my female best friend I had to introduce her as “A is coming over, she’s taken, DO NOT HIT ON HER OR I WILL KILL YOU; DO YOU UNDERSTAND” because otherwise she’d be extremely uncomfortable whenever around some of my other friends who just failed to pick up on the subtle. Sometimes explicit just works. I’m not saying it’s right for everyone, but if the “gay best friend” in question doesn’t have any issues with the title (and then titles you in return) then I’m not sure who it’s harming. I have met ladies who use their “gay bestie” as a fashion accessory but you can spot the difference a mile off between someone who’s tired of being hauled off to the side for interrogating and someone who’s only there because they’re playing Little Miss Popular.)

    • Amber

      Yeah, this kid of irks me too. I actually know a gay guy who introduces himself as “the gay” and his girlfriends introduce him as “my gay”. As in “Oh Amber, this is my gay! And, this is Amber!”

      Really bothered me. The guy looked really surprised when I asked him his name and then called him by it the rest of the night. I found it really sad that his only identity seemed to be his sexuality to so many people. It’s like referring to someone as “the black” or “the Japanese”. All kinds of screwed up.

      • Amber

        *kind of irks me* oops, lol

    • Psych Student

      I’ll admit, I’m a woman who married a woman (the first woman I ever dated, always dated men before then) and I want our future children to be gay. Not because I think they’ll fit gay sterotypes (neither my wife nor I are butch, we’re both pretty feminine), but because being gay worked *really* well for me. While what we both really want for our children is to be with people who make them happy, but, I think there is something to be said for being with someone with matching genitalia. I am well aware that genitalia doesn’t make the person and certainly don’t dictate what the personality will be. For me, being with someone who was sensitive, emotional, and willing to cry with me in a way I’d never found in a boyfriend was amazing and I think it might work well for my future children as well. I love being in a same sex relationship and would like my children to be willing to consider it as well. But my wife and I will love our children because of who they are and will love whoever they fall in love with as long as that person (or persons) is good to them.

      • Amber

        LOL, being with someone with matching genitalia works for you because it’s what works for YOU. A straight person would not see or experience the benefits that you find in that situation.
        I’m also sorry you’ve never met a sensitive or emotional man. That’s really sad. I’ve met lots of men and women who are decent human beings.

    • Rachel Sea

      She sounds like she’s confusing “the gays” with puppies.

    • KathleenCat

      Maybe she’s just heard this kind of joke often enough that she thinks it’s OK. I don’t know. I don’t see her as malicious. Self-centered, yes, but that’s different.