10 Reasons To Stop Saying You “Have No Female Friends”

mean girls

Oh, God, you’re still doing that? Saying “I have no female friends?” Still? You have to stop saying that. I’m your friend. Me. I’m a girl. I’m an internet stranger, but, whatever, I like you. You can now say “I have only one female friend.” Here’s why to stop saying you have none, though.

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    • Eileen

      You win points for picking Quisling as your traitor.

      Also, yes. It does not make you cooler to say “I’m not really a girl,” nor does it make you sexier to say “I’ve always gotten along better with men.” Would you want to date a man who has no male friends? No, you would not, because that would be weird and you would think he had some kind of psych hangup. Men can make great friends, and you should have some male friends. But women can also make great friends, and you should have some of those, too.

    • Erica

      Lord. I used to be like that. (at the same time I also denounced feminism because “women can work in the same jobs already, it’s not even a problem for our generation”. Just to give you horrifying context.)

      Thing is, I totally was friends with girls. Lots of girls. I lived in a women’s college and ate three meals a day with all my lady friends and really liked them. But I hung out with a group of guys who I wanted to impress so I’d join in with all the “yeah, bitches be crazy!” stuff. I wasn’t even into them and hoping they’d be convinced all women except me weren’t worth dating – I’d just come out – I just really wanted them to like me and think I was like them. By hating women together, I guess.

      I tend to get very embarrassed when I recall this and trawl through my facebook from 2008-2009 to make sure I’ve deleted any sexist crap I’d published.

    • Cee

      I want female friends! I just can’t seem to make friends now that I’m in my mid 20s so I’m stuck being friendless when it comes to females. I was pretty introverted in high school (shocker!) and in college. Now at grad school, the ladies I know have their circle of friends figured out so I’m just the intruder. I’m just always so jealous of lady bffs and the bunch of bridesmaids ladies have at their wedding. I don’t even know half the amount of women in most bridal parties! Disneyland makes me the saddest cuz sometimes you see these old ladies who go to Disneyland with their best friend and wear matching clothes and have their faces painted *sigh* And no, I don’t seek to get brownie points with dudes, I don’t want to fuck any of them.

      • Eileen

        Aww…you know, just because the women at school already have their circles set, it doesn’t mean they’re not open to new circles! I have a number of different groups of friends (middle school, high school, college, jobs), some who mix well and some who don’t, and I’m always open to making new ones. If a woman I knew casually asked me out for coffee or drinks, I would absolutely go and want to keep hanging out with her if we had a good time. I’ve even had internet friends become real-life friends. So all is not lost! Good luck :)

      • Mrsexamme1965

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        I tend to get very embarrassed when I recall this and trawl through
        my facebook from 2008-2009 to make sure I’ve deleted any sexist crap I’d

      • JennyWren

        It is much harder to make friends of either gender when you’re out of college- actually I think it’s one of those things that gets harder as you get older. I don’t think it’s that people are unwelcoming, it’s that they get set in their ways. I’d definitely second what Eileen says about getting out there, which, as an introvert myself, I know is hard, but it gets easier the more you do it!

      • jamiepeck

        Don’t despair, I’m 28 and the psychedelic party cult/friendship coven I’d been trying to find/join/create since my teens really only gelled within the last couple of years. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but it’s totally worth the wait.

      • Samantha_Escobar

        I (vaguely) know how you feel! It wasn’t super easy for me to make friends after leaving my college city and moving away. Shit’s hard as an adult. :( But do not give up hope! Somehow, I’ve now had a total reversal and have almost exclusively female friends (at least, in NY). It is possible, I promise! I mostly just met them through work and through group stuff, so maybe you could get together with a random person from a non-required class (like pottery, unless you are an art major…I know not much about your life!) or join a choir or something.

      • Mandy
    • meteor_echo

      I hate all people, regardless of gender. I suppose it makes me an egalitarian, at least.

    • Amanda

      I would love to have female friends. Hell, I’d love to have friends of any gender, but I’m extremely socially awkward so I just hang out with my boyfriend and that is it. I also have BPD & Body Dysmorphia, and the BPD makes it really hard for me to form & keep friendships with any gender. Also, I’ve noticed girls are a lot less understanding when it comes to my disorders. They think I’m looking for attention when I say or think certain things, they don’t understand that I really can’t control it. I dunno, I’ve always been closer with men for my entire life. Maybe because I grew up without a mom, I dunno. This comment was way deeper than it was meant to be, lol! Seriously though, I envy those with lots of girl friends, I wish I even had one. I won’t even be having bridesmaids at my wedding because I’m not close enough to any girls to feel comfortable asking.

      • Charmless

        I have social anxiety disorder and BPD symptoms and I hear you. It’s extremely difficult for me to establish any kind of trust and stop suspecting that the people I’m trying to be friends with aren’t secretly having meetings to discuss how much they hate me. As a result, I come across as superior and standoffish, when I really just don’t feel like anybody actually gives a damn about what I have to say.

    • Tania

      I’ve always been suspicious of women who say they have no female friends. I mean, women are people, too, so some you’ll probably hate, sure, but some you’ll probably like. Just like men, some you hate, some you like, some you’re indifferent to.

      As a result, I always think that women who say they have no women friends either 1) always want to be the prettiest girl in the room and can only be that by eliminating all competition, or 2) they are just flat-out bad people/sexists (same thing?).

      But then, they say those types of women are more likely to go home with pick-up artists (because they’re both reliant on terrible gender stereotypes), so I guess they lose out on both friends and quality men?

    • jenny

      great article! except with Slide 8…a lot of people do make themselves not female: transmen. and people who inhabit that in-between genderqueer/genderless space.

    • laur

      hey I WISH i had female friends…..hell I don’t have any male friends either besides my boyfriend – who I live with. Females I’ve been acquainted with all find me annoying or weird. I never had friends in middle school or high school. Not once. So when I say I have no female friends, it’s not like I’m making some antifeminist statement or something.

    • Katie

      The reason these people are the worst is not because they have no female friends, but because they wear it like a badge of honor. And I think we all hate it because we did it at some point or another either in Middle school, or high school, or even early college when we were still trying to figure out how to be a proper adult lady. And than we finally reach that point and think “Ugh, I was the worst.”

    • Lesley

      I can relate to this. I envy the girls girl. They have friends regardless of whether they are a prize bitch or a fugly. I have seen it all. I gave up on trying to make women friends – at my age even harder as most women are in a mothers clique (i dont have kids so thats a no no to them.) They generall yhave ‘kids’ at 18 plus age and constantly talking about the kids..they live theor life thru them 24/7. I guess I am either seen as a threat not sure…but for no reason – I have been so dissapointed in women. They backstab and you think you have made a fun friend then they vanish – I am easygoing, a great shoulder for any friend and good sense of humor if not a little warped. Can I make a friend. no. I have my guy and other than family who live in another state thats it.