• Tue, Jun 25 2013

Things That Are Terrifying About Sex

Hi everybody!

As you hopefully know, I’ve got a book coming out! It’s called Night Terrors, it’s all about sex and dating (and how terrifying they are) and it can be yours next week, on July 2nd.

Instead of just reminding you yet again that the book is out July 2nd, I come bearing gifts! Namely, this excellent animated book trailer made by the extraordinary Patrick Moberg.

For those of you familiar with book trailers, you may be surprised to see one described as excellent. Most book trailers are not excellent.

…But most book trailers don’t have dog boners and winking genitalia.

Which brings me to my next point: it’s kind of NSFW? I don’t know. It’s animated. You can watch the boring ass censored one over here, but it’d be much better for everyone if you watched this one. Maybe watch it with headphones or earbuds?

Worst case scenario, if your boss catches you watching it and isn’t pleased… maybe you could explain that you’re just ingesting culture? And that your boss shouldn’t stifle you. And also that your boss should go to his/her favorite bookstore on July 2nd and buy Night Terrors.

Or preorder it, if he/she’s nasty:

Barnes & Noble
Books A Million

You can also learn more over here.

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  • http://www.xojane.com/author/eve Eve Vawter


  • annie

    Paralyzed with excitement!!

  • Kukicha

    Indeed; most book trailers are iPhoto slideshows with authors awkwardly narrating them. This rules.

  • Bleecker


  • Jane Lane

    Like Janet (who is nasty), I preordered mine! I cannot wait.

  • ash

    Dog boners are so gross. They are the reason I can only have girl dogs.

    Also I’m so excited to read this!!

    • colleen prinssen

      no dog boner dildos for you then, I guess

    • ash

      Oh god, if those actually exist I am done with this world. And no, I am not googling it. Absofuckinglootely not.

    • colleen prinssen

      yesh, 4+ diffeert companies make them.

    • jack_sprat2

      I wonder if the technology exists to make a FUNCTIONAL elephant boner, complete with “heat-seeking” capability. That might be a good ice-breaker at women’s sex toy parties. Not to mention among the more adventurous gay men.

    • colleen prinssen

      EE makes an elephant trunk.

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff


  • http://ThePeppercat.com/ Candace

    You get me.

  • Jenni

    I’ll buy the book, but I don’t know what else you can possibly add to the fisting conversation we have every single morning. It’s always like, “oh heyyy Ashley, let me guess, you want to tell me a funny fisting…go on..just do it.”

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff


    • Jenni

      The one this morning was rich. I didn’t know a fist could…do that. In that way? When did you say “your friend” gets his cast off?

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      Can’t you just let me have this? This one thing?

    • Sean

      A fisting conversation every morning? How many fistiing stories and/or facts could one person know?

    • jack_sprat2

      Never ask an E/R doctor or nurse that question. They’ll be sorely tempted to violate their professional codes by telling you in detail.

      I was witness to that very thing, when my employer’s brother dropped by to visit. Suffice it to say that I know the REAL story behind the rumors about a certain actor friend of the Dalai Lama. (It happened at the hotel in Detroit’s Renaissance Center the day before I heard the story.)

  • Fabel

    Thank you for reminding me that I have something to look forward to! I ordered it last month or something, & it’s due to my house July 8th <3 <3 <3 YESSS

  • RJ

    If this is any indication, I am really, really (even more) excited for the book.

  • Dana

    Delightful. And congrats, Cardiff!

  • Sid

    Why does the “STDs” animation look like that?!?!

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      You mean like a delicious Nutri-Grain Bar?

  • Alexis Rhiannon

    Ashley I love the video and I’m muy excitedissimo! That’s Italian for ‘night terrors’.

  • Super Fizz


  • Teschler

    I love everything about this.

  • Mark Kelliher

    This is truly impressive, Ashley! As an author myself (The Nimrod) I have to say this is one of the best and most original promo clips I’ve seen for a book – BRAVO! I’m ordering it! In fact how could I not order it after seeing you growling in a jumpsuit? Very cool indeed.

    • Tinder

      Jumpsuit? You mean WOLVERINE COSTUME!

    • http://thegloss.com/ Ashley Cardiff

      Hey! Thank you so much–and yes, it is indeed a Wolverine costume.

  • joeyblueyes