Am I The Only One Who Finds This 5-Year-Old ‘Style Icon’ Incredibly Creepy?

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Move over, tween style bloggers of the world. There’s a hot new “style icon” in Instagram land, and he’s hotter, younger, and more fresh-faced than you. He also gets cranky if he doesn’t take a nap after lunchtime. Because he is five.

Alonso Mateo is a pint-sized sartorialist from Laguna Beach by way of Monterrey, Mexico who is fast becoming an Instagram phenom via the spendy habits and social media savvy of his well-to-do parents. But lest you think his designer wardrobe and eerily grown up poses are the mere result of his mother dressing him up like her own little fashion doll, let’s hear him tell it in his own words.

“I love suits, sneakers, and sunglasses,” young Alonso told The Cut. “I like to dress like my dad, because he has cool suits.” So basically, he’s a tiny version of his fancy, fancy dad. His mother told The Cut where she takes him shopping for said suits:

To accomplish that, mom brings him to Kitson Kids,DiorGucci (“for leather jackets”), Stella McCartney, Bon Point (“French couture for kids”), Nordstrom, H&M (“for amazing basics”), Little Marc Jacobs (“amazing”), Dolce & Gabbana (“great”), and even Target. “As long as it’s nice quality, I’ll take it,” she says.

Am I the only one snickering at his mom’s pronouncement of Dolce and Gabbana as “great”? But hey, look, she will even shop at Target. How very down to earth of her.

While kids have been playing dress-up since forever, there’s something about this that sits very uneasily with me. Some thoughts:

-The way this kid poses is clearly something he learned from grown up fashion models. Grown up fashion models who are trying to look sexy. Although it can be cute when kids copy grown up things, I do not want to see a five-year-old making sexyface at me.

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-His style is that of a little adult, which makes me think either his mom is his stylist, or he is growing up way too fast. Don’t most kids want to wear flippers, an umbrella, a hat shaped like a frog, and a princess dress when you let them pick out their own clothing?

-This kid is not just playing dress up, but dress up on the internet. He can even be seen taking “selfies”:

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I’ve seen plenty of adults with personalities deformed by the incredible vanity this type of thing requires. (Maybe they were vain already, but personal style blogging feeds that vanity.) I don’t even want to know what this might do to the psyche of a still-developing child. The kid already has internet haters, for fucksake. Your only haters in kindergarten should be those kids who sneak up behind you on the playground and put ants in your hair. (Although some people would argue that they are the same.)

-Isn’t he going to be embarrassed of this when he’s older? How is he going to get laid in high school when the internet is lousy with photos his mother posted of his childhood selfie phase?

-I still think it’s gross when rich people spend thousands of dollars on clothes their kids are going to grow out of in a year.

-Three words: Hitler. Youth. Haircut.

(Via TheCut)

Photos: Instagram

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    • DinoRay

      I saw these pictures and at first thought it was kind of douchey….but then I realized it was a kid and maybe I shouldn’t be such an ass. It wasn’t fair. Maybe it was just a snap judgment…but the more I look at the pictures the more it falls in the spectrum of douchey and Jonbenet. Thank you for speaking on this matter. I just thought we were going to let it happen.

      • sugarunicorn

        I find it douchey too. Not on the part of the kid, but his parents who have decided their 5 year old is a great vehicle on which to impart this obscene level of self-obsessed, materialistic vanity, then cash in on the internet hits.

      • DinoRay

        I second that!

    • Alexis H

      They may claim it’s his style, but kids wear whatever’s in their closet. There are no stylish kids, only rich (or poor, but creative/resourceful) parents.

      But if this still makes your heart hurt, at least we can laugh about the phenomenon: http://pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/

    • Scarlet

      This kid had better step it up. I’m looking at the photos and, surprisingly, there are no tattoos or piercings!

    • Tusconian

      On the one hand, I really love that kids clothes nowadays come in more stylish options than they did when I was a kid. I bought my younger cousins (who, granted, are 9 and 10, not 5) some clothes from the same shop that I bought my own; when I was 9, it was more popular to dress girls in fluffy, frilly dresses with drab floral prints, or jeans with elastic butt and t-shirts in eye-searing colors, where as most of the less risque women’s and junior’s styles also come in kids’ size today.

      However, I also see a pretty big gap between selling trendy clothes for kids and making an entire blog centered around how your preschooler has a natural sense of style and poise that just so happens to be exactly the same as a name-brand male model? Or buying Dolce and Gabbanna or Gucci for a 5 year old. It’s not inherently wrong or anything, but it seems like these parents often treat their kids as if they’ve given birth to dolls, or short adult friends, not little children. He’s five, let him wear a Power Ranger’s shirt from K-Mart. He also doesn’t look too comfortable in all those layers of constricting fabrics. I’ve seen blogs showcasing kids wearing stuff where they look happy and comfy, and this kid’s just been posed. There’s a reason “cotton dress made from dad’s old shirt” is such a popular craft to make for young girls, and why leggins and sweatsuits and rompers have been popular for kids under 7 or 8 even when they were out of fashion for adults and teens. Small kids should be able to move around and play. I was going to ask if his parents aren’t worried that he’s going to get his tiny designer clothes dirty or torn, but I wonder if this boy doesn’t do a lot of playing at all.

    • priscilla

      Is Mozart playing the piano better then adults at 5 creepy? It is their money and their kid, they can do whatever they want.

      • Alexis H

        I dunno, was Mozart trying to play the piano sexily? Were his parents using him as an outlet to project their own vanity (actually, yeah, so maybe Mozart was creepy). But the sexualization and exploitation is what we’re talking about here. No one cares that a rich kid is wearing expensive clothes.