• Thu, Jun 27 - 5:05 pm ET

Lonely Scientists Confused Why Men Perform Oral Sex If Not For Baby Production

lonely scientists question why men perform oral sex

Q. Why do men perform oral sex on women?

A. Because it can give women orgasms! Which is great, because many women (hi, self!) cannot achieve orgasms via vaginal intercourse. When you are sleeping with somebody, you generally want both of you to feel great. I mean, if you’re not a selfish asshole, that is.

If you are a selfish asshole, however, you might decide to dedicate funding and time to an entire study based on the question above because you have no idea why men might perform oral sex on women and simply need to find out the evolutionary advantages on the subject.

An article on the study by Seriously Science, titled “What’s the point of oral sex?” begins:

Why on earth would anyone perform oral sex? Particularly on a woman?!? While these questions seem silly to some of us (I mean, it’s obviously because the people involved find it totally hot, right?), they aren’t to evolutionary biologists. his is because many of our behaviors and choices that seem completely voluntary are actually hard-wired, and have been naturally selected over millennia because they help us have more babies.

I understand why they would question oral sex, sort of, but let’s be honest: there are lots of guys who certainly do not have that behavior hard-wired into their systems, often because they have been told vaginas are gross, or because women have been made to feel ashamed about their own bodies and won’t partake.

It should be noted that they are questioning only oral sex on women, for women, and thereby relating their confusion and hypotheses to female pleasure and orgasm.

“We secured data from 243 men in committed, sexual, heterosexual relationships to test the sperm retention hypothesis of oral sex. We predicted that, among men who perform cunnilingus on their partner, those at greater risk of sperm competition are more likely to perform cunnilingus until their partner achieves orgasm (Prediction 1), and that, among men who ejaculate during penile-vaginal intercourse and whose partner experiences a cunnilingus-assisted orgasm, ejaculation will occur during the brief period in which female orgasm might function to retain sperm (Prediction 2).”

Something we’re wondering over here: why aren’t they questioning the evolutionary advantage of oral sex for men? Isn’t that purposeless, too? Unless there are some serious acrobatics involved, we are 99% certain that not swallowing will result in babies.

Photo: Shutterstock

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  • Benita

    Aside from penetrating a vagina with a penis, all other sexual acts only exist because people enjoy doing/receiving them.

  • Tania

    Right? I don’t see anything wrong with trying to determine “why” oral sex is performed, but this seems to fall under the constant “mystery of the female orgasm.” It’s no more mysterious than why we perform oral sex on men.

  • Sean

    That’s a dumb study. Why do we perform oral sex? Better question, why do we bring flowers? It all goes towards maintaining a healthy relationship with our partner, which over time might give a better chance at reproduction. It’s an indirect approach to successful copulation.

    I’d love to see the data…”So Mr. Whatever, you say you do perform oral sex. Why do you do it?” “BECAUSE IT’S DELICIOUS OM NOM NOM NOM NOM.”

  • Tusconian

    I was just thinking that I hate this type of scientist (and their ugly cousin, the internet armchair “scientist” who probably failed Bio 101 in community college). They are often so enraptured with the idea of hard sciences, things that other branches of science and common sense could easily answer are framed as “mysteries” and insanity of the superstitious. We, as humans, are intelligent social creatures, and that certainly extends to sex. We have not just had sex for the purpose of babies for a long, long time; prostitution is as old a profession as agriculture. They may as well question why we can all sit civilly in a restaurant instead of scratching and snarling at anyone who seems to have more or better food than us or our direct offspring.

    • Eileen

      I think this type of scientist is most commonly the ugly cousin – the people I know who are the most obnoxious about “science can prove!” are almost all humanities majors who know very little about actual science. Whereas actual science PhDs are much more cautious and are willing to say, “That’s more of a question for anthropologists/philosophers/historians/sociologists.”

    • Tusconian

      I mean, I’m just wondering how someone with a degree in German or philosophy would be able to get the name or funding to conduct this study and get it published, no matter how stupid it is. I am not saying “all biologists are unrealistic jackasses,” but your claim that an “actual science PHD” wouldn’t make these claims is…..just wrong, at least at a general level. It’s a specific group of scientists, and they may not be very good at their jobs, but I can’t see how someone “in the humanities” would benefit at all from making these claims about science, or be able to publish such a study at all. This was a study done by actual scientists, not some guy on the internet who is sad because he got a degree in literature. “Real scientists” can be just as myopic and ignorant as anyone else. I honestly know and know of many, many people with hard science degrees of all levels who a) don’t understand some basic concept like statistics, and b) don’t want to acknowledge that other, “softer” fields of study have equal (or even more) worth in many discussions. It has a lot more to do with someone’s personal attitudes and social situation than what degree they have.

  • yarply

    Can’t you eat cat just for the sake of eating some mighty fine cat?

  • Sofia

    Your opinion on this study is vacuous and without merit

  • Iain

    Penetrating a woman with a tongue is much more fun than doing it with a “dick.” Normal intercourse is usually only short-lived, but the fun of cunnilingus can last for much, much longer. Scientists presumably have never thought of this, probably because they’ve never tried it!

  • GulfPundit

    Obviously these ‘scientists’ were looking for a way to justify their repressed and selfish attitudes. If they did it and liked it, they wouldn’t wonder why men do it.

  • Peter

    Here is a related question: why do scientists have their heads up their asses? Why do we perform oral sex? Let’s see. It’s intrinsically fun. I like doing it. It’s exciting. It’s wonderful to feel my partner have at least one organism, with the hope of many more. It a sign that I care. I can go on. Not everything we do has evolutionary significance. Why do we paint; why do we sing in the shower; why do we enjoy a beautiful day??? We just do.

  • Kevin
  • Aurora ex Vinum

    Afterwards, did the lady like it? If not, you didn’t do a very good job. Success comes from repetition.