If I could draw a chart of emotions – like the Wong Baker pain scale – I would show every single one of them making you fat and laughing at you.
According to The Daily Mail, happiness makes you fat. Their writer states:
Who cares if I’ve filled out a bit? What’s a few extra pounds (ok, 15) between friends? In the old days I’d have been considered attractively Rubenesque. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Yes, my thighs are chafing, but I’m happy! Boy, am I happy – and that’s the problem. Forget putting on the pounds when you’re miserable, the time I put on weight is when life is good. And life has been good of late. A three-month sabbatical travelling around the U.S. and a love affair – or two – have reignited my appetite for life, laughter… and food…if you are the kind of person who lets your mood affect your eating – that’s about 75 per cent of us – you are likely to eat more calories when you are happy than when you are down.
But what about every other emotion? Namely…
- Sadness: Eat so you stop feeling pain
- Jealousy: Eat to make people feel jealous of you, you wit your cheesecake on a stick
- Rage: Eat to make others feel pain. Tear off that turkey leg’s flesh like you would an opponent’s brain-stem
- Anxiety: Gobble M&Ms by the fistful, pretend they’re Xanax. Also works with Tic Tacs
- Ennui: Eat only cigarettes
- Boredom: Eat
- Confusion: Eat anything you can find anyplace, cling to it
- Fear: Hide under a table, nibble discarded popcorn kernels nervously
- Surprise: Someone slams cake into your mouth!
- Lust: Eat edible underwear
- Love: Eat strawberries and whipped cream I guess?
- Loneliness: Mold cookie dough friends, eat them so they become part of you
And many more!
Picture via Getty