• Thu, Jul 4 2013

It Is Not The Guests’ Job To Pay For Your Wedding Reception

wedding day

I am increasingly convinced that people are beginning to regard weddings as some sort of rent party, where guests will all contribute massive checks. I mean, here’s another story about some nightmarishly ungrateful bride from Jezebel, which I assure you, you are going to hate.

The bride got a $100 checks from one of the guests and here boyfriend (who were recent college graduate with student loan debt). The bride then sent them this message:

Hi Tanya, how are you? I just want to know is there any reason or dissatisfaction of Mike’s and I wedding that both you and Phil gave 50$ each? In terms of the amount we got from you both was very unexpected as a result we were very much short on paying off the reception because just for the cocktail + reception alone the plate per person is 200$ (as per a normal wedding range with open bar is about) and Mike and I both have already paid for everything else including decor, photography, attire etc and didn’t expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well. As I know you both live together and work, so I did not see any reason for that amount, when it comes to your wedding hopefully you’ll know what I mean. I hope for the best as from what we receive is what we will give back. Anyways, good luck on everything.

Yes. You paid for everything because it was your wedding. It was like a party that you were throwing. It was, in fact, exactly that. If you want to run a small business wherein people pay $200 to show up to a space you have picked and eat some chicken and clap whenever you walk into a room, well, we’ll see how much money you can raise from that.

Picture via Getty

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  • Maggie

    I’m getting married in less than 6 weeks, and this story makes me cringe. My fiance and I have been living together for 2 and a half years, and as a result we have most of the household items that are on your usual gift registry, so we made a small registry and asked our mothers to put the word out that we are also accepting “donations to our future home fund.” There is no way we would straight up ask anyone for cash, and no sane bride and groom can expect guests to pay for their dinner (isn’t that included at most weddings?! Also if you choose an expensive caterer, that’s on you, dude.). This bride is totally rude and out of line, and I can’t help but feel like it makes the rest of us who are asking for “financial gifts” look bad. As if there isn’t already enough wedding etiquette to worry about!

  • kaimcn

    I recently lost my home (and everything in it) in a flood. I was supposed to throw my bff’s bachelorette party the next weekend and attend her shower (thrown by her sister in law) the same day. 16+ hours of fawning over stupid shit, oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over presents and making nice with her friends while I’m still making mental lists of what’s lost and I need to replace (ev.er.y.thing.). I skipped the shower, got alcohol poisoning at the bachelorette (jello shots, hiyo!) and left early.
    Next day I got an email kicking me out of the wedding because I’m not “supportive” enough. I can’t be shocked by any shit that people in weddings pull anymore. Ok, I’m still shocked but I should know better by now.

    • Cee

      Eh you should have seen that as a win situation cuz I bet you did not want to stick around for the prima donna shitfest that would continue a year or so after the wedding.

      I hope your situation is improving.

    • kaimcn

      Total win! I’m not a wedding person but wanted to be supportive (ha!) of my friend. Obviously I wasn’t into it enough.

      Situation is what it is. At least I’m alive!

    • Kim

      ever think that “not being supportive” was code for “got way too drunk and made an ass of yourself”? alcohol poisoning, really?

    • kaimcn

      Yea, it was dehydration and too much sugar. I sat quietly at the end of the table and wasn’t festive enough.

      Fuck yourself maybe?

    • Kim

      there’s that sunny disposition that kept you in the wedding party!

      …..oh, wait

    • kaimcn

      What’s your problem? Oh wait, I don’t care.

    • Cee

      She got drunk at a bachelorette party. If you don’t get drunk while a whole bunch of women scream “Wooooo!” at everything and make everything they can into a cock shape and or bright pink, then you must be insane.

      Also. I can’t wait to read about the email or rules you will have on your wedding when they make their way to the internet.

    • Kim

      getting drunk =/= alcohol poisoning. I don’t think it’s crazy bridezilla behavior to expect the person planning your bachelorette party to retain some sense of consciousness and stay the entirety of the shindig she planned. I’ve always been told that it’s bad form to be drunker than the person you’re celebrating, but that’s just me. I’ve also never heard of a 16 hour bridal shower party either.

      not every bachelorette party has to be a woman-version of the hangover. also, I’m not about to spend the equivalent of the down payment on a house for a party for people to shit talk me on the internet, which is what weddings seem to be nowadays… town hall wedding for me, kthnx

      I feel like people are so eager to shit talk brides nowadays that they’re willing to jump on any woman expecting some sort of reasonable accommodations for her wedding, like, say, a friend who could pull off a bachelorette party without getting shitfaced maudlin drunk in the corner. I understand that canada (I think specifically calgary) has experienced widespread flooding, which sucks, and if kaimnc was rightfully too preoccupied with handling the natural disaster currently screwing canada she could and should have delegated her responsibilities

    • Cee

      You are a peach…
      *patpatpat*

    • ktree

      Shit happens. Sometimes people do stupid things. “best friends” know that and deal with it. If my best friend did what you did… well first of all, it would be a non-issue because I wouldn’t be expecting someone who just lost everything to throw me a fucking party. So you are having a wedding, that’s great, you don’t expect other people to stop having lives or being actual people. Jesus.

  • Cee

    What is it with couples throwing weddings they cannot afford? Its so easy to avoid this, you cut your guest list shorter, choose a different venue, not have an open bar or full meals and stick to appetizers and cake or, I don’t know, wait longer until you can afford what you want. I am so disgusted by people turning this into a price matching game with their guests. I mean at this point, a wedding is turning into a trip to an expensive yet crappy restaurant for which they also had to rent a tux.

  • CMJ

    This shit….I’m a firm believer that weddings bring out the absolute worst in people.

  • Eileen

    On the plus side, how great did Princess Madeleine look at her wedding? I bet she didn’t ask guests to cover the cost of their attendance.

    • Cee

      She looks sooo lovely!

    • Eileen

      I mean, those Swedish royals are all gorgeous, so it’s unsurprising, but still. Beautiful woman, great dress, (and adorable one-year-old niece in the audience).

  • CelebratePlus

    The solution is CelebratePlus.com: Invite. Get Funded. Celebrate!

  • MR

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but weddings when they are thoughtless are expensive. :) I figure $400 is good natured, and I then can enjoy it to the full extreme. My buddy’s wedding, just a little more than a year and a half ago, was top shelf though. Live band including two live vocals with one leading depending on the song, and lots of dancing, and the rest is history. So what about you? What happened at the last wedding you went to?