Is It Poor Etiquette To Crowdfund Your Wedding?


I have always found giant weddings to be more than a bit obnoxious, lately, I think I have become even more appalled by the number of people who seem to view the day of their marriage as a joint birthday party (which, by the way, is still ridiculous to expect gifts at once you are an adult). Now, a couple in California expects to have other people — even those who aren’t invited or don’t know them — to pay for their wedding via crowdfunding.

Cesar Hernandez-Topete and Miguel Munoz are attempting to raise $2,500 for their wedding via GoFundMe, a site where people can solicit donations on the Internet. They explain:

With the landmark ruling that came a few days ago we ran down to City Hall to attain a Marraige [sic] License, given we have 90 days to complete it and limited funds for the wedding we decided to ask for your help in making our wedding a reality. We are also in the process of adopting and have had countless bills to get our place ready for the arrival of our first child. Any amount (5$,10$,15$,20$) will have us a step closer to our dreams of starting a life together and a family. Help us have an Amazing Celebration!

The couple is sending desserts from Cake Pops and Company to people who donate more than $25 (which begs the question: why not spend that “reward” money for cake pops on your own wedding? I am admittedly in the dark here, though). So far, they’ve raised $575, which is very nice for them.

But listen: I am more than thrilled that DOMA and Prop 8 were overturned. However, that has nothing to do with the lack of logic here.

The short answer to the question I posed in my title: Yes. Yes, it is poor etiquette. It’s also just ridiculous. You are not required to have a pricey wedding in order to be married. Nobody is making you get a cupcake tower; only you are making you get a cupcake tower.


From people getting mad at literally sweet gifts because they’re not cash to writing lengthy, rude emails at friends in debt who can’t afford to give large monetary gifts, more and more couples seem to believe that they not only should have wedding they can’t afford — they are entitled to it. If you can only afford a baby and not the wedding you want, then please, pay to keep the baby safe; don’t assume that people should have your back if you don’t want to wait until you’re financially secure enough for the party you want. Having your family (and maybe, maybe friends, I guess) help pay for your wedding is one thing; asking the general public? Uh, no. Please don’t do that.

Stop having parties you can’t afford; if you must have an event, then have a smaller one that fits in your budget. Put the money you would use for a fancier wedding toward a home, toward a rainy day fund, toward those kids you’re so excited about having and/or adopting. You know, the stuff that actually makes a marriage? And if you simply must have a fancy themed wedding, just enter into contests until you win a bacon one. Otherwise, GoFundYourself please.

[via HuffPo]

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    • Katie

      One, why am I so attracted to Andy Samberg in that gif?

      Two, this is terrible. I think we need a modern day Emily Post to teach people etiquette again. All we need now is a celebrity couple asking people to fund their wedding.

    • Miguel Muñoz Topete Hernandez

      First off, we didn’t speak to anyone aside from NBC regarding the funding, secondly its not a ‘ blow out wedding ‘ and if it weren’t for the adoption process that we have been paying for the last year we wouldn’t be in this situation. The adoption alone has been upwards of $15,000 in the last year. The acct wasnt made public up until the media picked up on it was it made news. If you wanted a story on us please contact us, but dont copy and edit the actual story. Thanks

      also if you are going to quote a video, atleast quote the video correctly.

      • blah

        if you can’t afford a wedding or raising a child maybe you shouldn’t adopt.

      • Miguel Muñoz Topete Hernandez

        Aren’t we late to the party? We got married and getting our child in Feb. Thanks for commenting

    • Reuben

      Wow, I can’t believe the hate and nastiness found here. Who cares if these guys ask for a little $ to help out on a very low budget affair. Everyone has a choice…help or don’t help a young couple in love. Whether public or pvt who cares. If they need help & you care about the cause or people & you can donate then do so, if not then don’t. Why is this any different from donating to any other org or cause. I know lots of high profile charities that just take money and never offer anything except the next round of donations slips. These guys are NOT going to Paris or taking some great trip! They want to have a small gathering. People check your facts…2500 bucks is NOTHING and it has no bearing on what other obligations they currently have or are undertaking. I know str8 people ask friends and family all the time for money including money to buy a house. Give or don’ give but don’t slam people for having less & reaching out. It’s really not all that complicated.

    • Deadly

      The person who wrote this has clearly never been in the position of having little or no money, and really wanting something wonderful and special for once. It’s hard seeing people everywhere have amazing weddings, when you can’t even afford a low-budget one – it’s a wedding for christ’s sake, it’s meant to be one of the biggest days of your lives. It’s not about feeling entitled, it’s about wanting something you can’t have, and seeking a way to make your dreams reality. This article is downright rude and offensive.

      • bystandling

        No kidding–seriously, I hate the sentiment “if you can’t afford a wedding don’t have one, get married in a courthouse.” How dare a poor person want a wedding? How dare a poor person want to a) wear a nice white dress and b) have people with them when they say their vows? Because JUST THAT can cost $500+ especially because as soon as you invite people you’re expected to feed them, and not feeding them is ANOTHER breach of etiquette. How dare someone be wiling to forgo gifts in order to have the wedding itself be the gift? Right!?