You’ll Probably Be Dumped Via Text More Than Once In Your Life, Sorry

breaking up via textI feel like everything I’ve written about today has been somewhat depressing. I’m sorry! I don’t mean to torture you with the realities of the human race being all pure evil and shit! I kid. Not all of us are pure evil; just a lot of us.

Since evilness does exist in the world, it should be noted that it sometimes comes in the form of a text message; a break-up text message to be exact.

Have you ever been broken up with via text? I’ve heard of these things happening, but it’s always to some cousin of some brother of that guy who owned that store that burned down in 2003… remember him? No, I don’t remember him. Yet it’s from those long trails that such stories come, or rather they did, once upon a time; but no longer.

IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.

According to some dating site, WhatsYourPrice.com, where “attractive” singles can buy and sell dates (yeah, I don’t get it either), text break-ups are becoming far more common than you’d imagine. This makes me sad; this should make us all sad (even us evil ones.)

Of the 15,800 members (7,500 which are dudes) surveyed about their their break-up habits, it was found that 88% of men had dumped someone via text. EIGHTY-EIGHT PERCENT. I’m no math genius, but that’s only 12% away from 100%, and while 7,500 guys may not be much, it’s definitely more than the 448 participants of the other survey I shoved down your throat today. Only 18% of women, on the other hand, resorted to the coward’s way out of texting to say adieu, because, at 72%, the ladies prefer to do the heart-breaking face to face. We just love to watch the misery crawl across your faces! (Or we’re far more decent and caring? You decide.)

Sure, we live in a world of technology, but is nothing sacred? Et tu, Brute? Is it so difficult to show the person with whom you used to have carnal dealings, or maybe even once loved, a bit of respect? Apparently, not.

And I think this concludes our week of grumbling about how people can truly suck sometimes. Here’s hoping you don’t get dumped by text this weekend, loves!

Photo: ABC

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    • Eileen

      My best friend flew from New York to France to break up with her ex in person, even though it meant she had to spend a couple of nights at his apartment with him crying and begging her to take him back before her flight home. If she can do that, I refuse to take anyone serious who thinks it’s too tough to drive a couple of miles.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Exactly.
        Your best friend is awesome. Clearly.

      • Eileen

        There is a reason our friendship has endured 19 years and her spending all her time traipsing around the world while I went to college.

    • Jessieface

      My previous relationship ended in a text message from him, I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. So I split the difference and did that really attractive laugh cry ladies who got dumped on the bachelor do. In High School I got dumped in an email, a few days later he called me to try and talk to me about it, I told him to write me an email about it. It remains to this day one my proudest moments in wit and revenge.

    • Tania

      I had a friend break up with his (long-distance) girlfriend via MSN Messenger. She was not impressed. *I* was not impressed. Seriously, dude, you have her phone number.

      • Boosker

        Yeah, I was dumped via AIM one time. It wasn’t a long term, serious relationship or anything, but still pretty sucky. I asked him what kind of person breaks up with someone over AIM and he said, “I didn’t mean to. It just kind of came up in the conversation.” Glad that one didn’t work out.

    • anna

      I was actually dumped twice by text messages, but I kind of forced it out of them so I don’t know if I should count it. I could tell it was going down hill and then when I got the we should talk message, for some reason I would rather get it out then and there than dread it for even an hour.

    • lauren

      Wait if only 18% of girls broke up via text then wouldn’t that mean 82% of girls broke up in person? Is there an extra 10% that did it another way? Email? Telephone? Or was that an error? Sorry but I’m on drugs and I’d really like an explanation for this!

    • Matzukado

      My first boyfriend broke up with me by text. He was writing me a letter (that would eventually be our break up letter) and let me know that he was writing it, just not what it was about. A week went by and he seemed totally cool with me, until I texted him “I’m a bit worried about that letter.”

      He replied “1. We are over. 2. Letter explains why.”

      Well.

      So I got this ridiculously melodramatic break up letter that was full off teenage angst. I was sort of befuddled-upset at the time, but now I think the whole situation is kind of funny.

    • C

      I just got dumped via text for the sixth time in my life.

      Literally last night.
      BOOYAH