Wed Bed Dead: Don’t Have Sex With The Wolverine Because His Metal Bones Will Crush You

Hello there, Gloss fans! Welcome to this week’s episode of our web series Wed Bed Dead, in which editors Jennifer Wright and Ashley Cardiff must decide the potentially very sexy fate of three chosen gentlemen (and occasionally ladies) (and, uh, animals). The show is a live action spin-off of their longrunning and delightful games of Fuck Marry Kill here on The Gloss.

This week, The Wolverine enters the theaters and lovers of tiny hairy men and superfluous definite articles rejoice. Here at The Gloss, two huge fans of tiny hairy men and superfluous definite articles are debating a trio of the Marvelverse’s most famous mutants–gruff and effectively immortal anti-hero (the) Wolverine, kinetic energy master/hot Cajun thief Gambit and metal-controlling apex predator Magneto. Of course, we couldn’t talk about X-Men without some nods to teleporting husband material Nightcrawler, lame duck Cyclops and… uh… Spiderman? We’ll clear that up.

Tune in every Wednesday at 1:00 for new episodes of Wed Bed Dead. And don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel.

Seriously. Don’t forget.

Share This Post:
    • Sean

      I wonder if the two mutant schools have debate teams. How do you debate anything when your universe has virtually no boundaries? Time travel, alternate universes, it’s all fair game!

    • Alle

      I love this series because you guys are hilars, and also I LOVE PLAYING ALONG AT HOME. I’m gonna fuck Gambit, because I too had a crush on him as a child (and probably still do if I think about it hard enough), marry Magneto because he’d appreciate all my weird genetic mutations (even though none of them give me superpowers, just a natural immunity to chickenpox, heterochromia and a super-bendy spine), kill THE WOLVERINE, even though I hate the thought of harming Hugh Jackman, as he is my countryman and also charming as hell. But really, that hairstyle. That’s not hot.

    • Tori

      Gambit is also an Empath.

    • Tania

      Okay, who DIDN’T have a crush on Gambit when they were kids?

      • Sean

        I didn’t. I just desperately wanted to be taller and able to throw exploding cards.

      • Tania

        “Women want him, and men want to be him.”

    • Georgette

      “Do they have competing sporting teams?” hahahaha

      So I’ve thought about it, and I’d want to marry Gambit. I thought a rendezvous would be enough, but no, I think we should pretty much spend the rest of our lives together. He’d call me cherie, and I’d learn to make gumbo.

    • butthairlotsofit

      Ive always wondered, with all the technology the X-Men have, nobody can come up with some ruby quartz contact lenses?