My boyfriend, Jordan Catalano,* and I have been together for seven years. We live together, share bills, and have a joint future. How do I put this without sound too annoying or gushy? I fucking love him so much I want to smash his face in with my face.
We’ve talked about marriage as something to do later in life. We sort of envision ourselves as a Brangelina-type deal who will get married in our forties or fifties at the insistence of our hoard of
stolen multi-cultural children. It never occurred to us to get married in our twenties, until Jordan started doing some research into his taxes.
Since we file taxes separately, we each pay roughly 25% of our individual incomes in taxes. If we filed jointly as a married couple, we’d pay around 15% of our combined income. 15%! We don’t make a ton of money, and that 10% savings would seriously help us out. There’s also a shit ton of other great things available to married couples, including but not limited to government benefits (social security, Medicare, and disability for spouses), employment benefits (health insurance, family leave), medical benefits (hosptial visitation, making choices for your spouse if he or she is incapacitated), and consumer benefits (family rates on insurance).**
So now, marriage is something we’re seriously talking about. Is it crazy to sign some papers, pretend it never happened, and then get married in the traditional-ish sense in fifteen or so years?
We wouldn’t want to tell anyone about it, outside of a few select friends who can keep a secret. We’d ask these friends to meet us in a park somewhere for a The Little Mermaid-themed joke wedding, eat a fun celebratory meal, and then ask them all to forget it ever happened. We’re happy being boyfriend-and-girlfriend, and even though I definitely want to marry Jordan one day, I’m not ready for things to change right now.
Have any of you considered getting married for the financial, social, or medical benefits? Anyone out there had a secret wedding? I’m so curious to see if we could pull this off, or if being married would inherently change our relationship, even if we pretend that nothing happened.
**Obviously, I’m not the first person to figure this out, and I recognize the inherent shrillness of a straight girl debating the benefits afforded to her by being allowed to get married. I think I may have heard something about a movement for gay people to be given the right to get married so they can also file jointly, or something.