Greetings, netizens! I am pleased to announce that you have lived to see the dawn of a new era in personal lifestyle blogging, and it is called LindsayLohan.com.
That’s right: perhaps looking for a way to fill her days now that drugs and alcohol are ostensibly not serving that purpose, Lindsay Lohan has launched a website, and what a website it is. It’s got pictures of LiLo, videos of LiLo, and even some style tips from LiLo, like wearing a vest as a top. Here are five facts about it, as well as two of my wishes for Lindsay’s future as a blogger.
1. It’s retro.
2008 was forever ago in LiLo years! Leave it to her to make five years ago feel dated. I mean nostalgia-inducing.
2. It contains posts that are literally just a bunch of pictures of Lindsay Lohan. So hands on, running her own fan club!
3. It’s brought some of her creepier fans out of the woodwork:
4. It’s meta:
“I have always admired and had enormous respect for Elizabeth Taylor,” writes Lindsay (or someone pretending to be her). “She was not only an incredible actress but an amazing woman as well.” Considering how disastrous Lindsay’s association with Liz has been, she has to be trolling us at least a little.
5. …Or maybe not.
This might as well be a Buzzfeed post titled “20 Embarrassing Photos Of Lindsay Lohan Refusing To Let Marilyn Monroe R.I.P.”
So with all that promising material, where’s LindsayLohan.com going to go from here?
1. She is going to do the inevitable and start writing for xoJane. Her posts will include “Why I Won’t Ever Stop Sabotaging My Own Career,” “Female Empowerment Via Old Hollywood Glamour” and “Packing For Rehab In 100 Easy Steps.”
2. If she really wants to lean into this, she will start writing for Vice as well so she can one-up Cat Marnell by telling her side of the story re: encountering her out at a club one night. Cat is dead. Long live Cat.