I once dated a guy with a magnificent beard. The rest of his hair had dwindled upon the onset of adulthood, but my god, that beard. It was like everything on top had slowly migrated downward to form a beautiful, glorious, straight, neat red-gold face mane. Now, while our relationship ended a few years ago, I have remained a little snobbish about other beards. Now that I have witnessed the greatness that is a near-perfect beard, most seem a little lacking, though every once in a while, I run into a guy whose beard is equally admirable (I did yesterday, in fact, and I believe I briefly pet it). But what are the rest of the guys to do with their own patchwork facial hair?
Well, apparently it’s the same answer as every other question regarding something we may not like about ourselves: plastic surgery, of course! According to our incredibly reliable friends at the Daily Mail, beard transplants are on the rise. Dr. Bessam Farjo, founder of The Farjo Hair Institute, did the world’s first facial hair transplant back in 1996. Now, he says the procedure has increased “six-fold” each year since around 2008. (
Oddly arbitrarily enough, 2008 was when I graduated high school, so one can only assume these dates coincided because the world knew I needed more beards.)
Farjo says men have been extra into gettin’ their facial hurr did lately:
“A full beard is very much a statement look, and it goes in and out of fashion. For the last 12 to 18 months, there has been a noticeable rise in the number of men coming to my practice wanting to fill in bald patches or thicken wisps of hair.
“Whilst many men may be looking for full fop of facial fuzz, the majority of patients seeking facial hair transplantation do so to fill gaps and create ‘designer stubble.’”
I mean, if you really need a beard you can always just…
Obviously, I am in full support of beards and the right to choose any (safe) procedure you want for your body, but it should be noted that it’s still unpleasant to have anyone feel inadequate about his or her body. While, as I said, I do love a giant thicket of facial hair, I find it sort of sad that many men feel either outside pressure or internal insecurities regarding their own faces.
To be fair, though, Dr. Farjo points out that this isn’t much different than the things women often do with our own hair:
“Men are really starting to take advantage of the options available to them when it comes to cosmetic procedures.
“Adding or changing a beard is an easy way for a man to update and change his look, just as a woman would with her hairstyle.”
Ohhhh, you crazy bearded style setters, you! And the rest, I suppose, will be left to wonder as they stroke their — oh, wait.
It’s okay, I relate. My facial hair is currently lacking, too. :(
Photo: Getty Images.