When faced with the endless ostentatiousness of the many tactless rich people of Instagram, I have often hoped thieves would note the geotagged locations of the photos, then go and expropriate their fineries just to teach them a lesson. (Also to fence them, probably.) A class conscious angel must have heard my prayers, because this (almost) happened in cushy Southampton over the weekend to noted Kim Kardashian hanger-on Jonathan Cheban when he committed the dual sins of #humblebragging about his outlandishly expensive accessories and posting way too many pictures of his food. (If you must know, he dined on ortolan, artisanally drowned in the tears of minimum wage workers and washed down with a blood diamond martini…nom!)
If you can’t read that caption, it says “I think I overdressed my wrist today with my @jacobandco…22 karat’s [sic.] is a bit much for daytime LOL.” In a futile stab at coming off self-deprecating, he even CC’ed @RichKidsOfInstagram. “LOL, I’M SUCH AN ASSHOLE, LOL.”
Because he’d been Instagramming the shit out of the restaurant, one enterprising thief put two and two together and moseyed on down there, where “a gaggle of women” were already supplicating at Cheban’s table. (I hate this world.) The thief pretended to be into Jonathan for his sparkling personality and great punctuation skills, then grabbed at the $500,000 timepiece and tried to make off with it. Go, thief, go!
Unfortunately, the thief was unsuccessful, but managed to escape to thieve another day. While Jonathan’s wrist was a little “banged up,” the poor guy couldn’t even file a police report because he “had to go to Europe.” Don’t you feel bad for him?
I can only hope thieves keep on doing this until people learn some common fucking decency. I will totally start aggregating these kinds of posts on a Tumblr if it helps.
(Via Page Six)