• Thu, Aug 22 - 3:10 pm ET

Nailed It! & 15 More Future Failures In The Beauty Reality Realm

nailed it!

Listen, reality television. We have to have a talk.

It’s not you, except it is. It’s absolutely you. You have always kind of sucked, but your makers are running out of ideas and they are getting progressively more horrible. A cooking competition? Sure. A special effects makeup show? Why not? But suddenly, people are battling over cupcakes and bridal plastic surgery and oh my god HOW IS COUPONING EXTREME?

And now, friends, there is Nailed It! It’s an upcoming television competition for Ovygen based on the premise that viewers give enough of a crap about nail art to watch a bunch of people who consider themselves “the country’s top nail artists” do manicures in order to obtain the title of “ultimate nail artist” — a title that did not exist until they made it up and therefore has zero clout in the real world. In all likelihood, it will actually involve polish remover or glitterbombing one another and screaming obscenities while footage of “I didn’t come here to make friends” speeches are interspersed throughout the show. It will be bad, as all reality competition shows are.

So, now that nail art, tiny cakes and bragging about your wedding are considered actual entertainment, what are soon to come in the reality competition world for fashion and beauty? I have more than a few predictions, featuring Bubble Trouble, Mr. Freeze and cutting off people’s gross hands.

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