Vanity Fair,Â storied institution of general interest pieces and retro-styled cheesecake photos, turns 100 years old next month. That’s old! To celebrate this fairly impressive fact, they shot a cover that breaks new ground in the amount of boring you can fit into one small 8.5 by 11″ (or whatever) photo. Just because they’re 100 doesn’t mean they can’t always be innovating.
As you can see, the cover resurrects the ghost of Marilyn Monroe for the umpteenth time by putting babe du jour Kate Upton in a satin bikini, old Hollywood glamor hair and makeup, and a “happy birthday Mr. President” pose. But as pretty as she looks, they’re not fooling anyone into thinking they haven’t completely run out of ideas. Even Kate looks bored!
Upton stares out at us as if to say, “I know this is the least interesting thing anything could possibly do with a blonde model, but I’m going with it anyway ’cause this magazine is classy. Happy birthday, zzzzz.”
The photos inside the mag fare a bit better, as they show Upton recreating the mag’s first cover. I’m willing to overlook the fact that I don’t trust the moon for a second and note that this is a cool picture, because if you’re going to do the retro glamor thing, it helps to have a specific reference point in mind. This nebulous, blonde, Marilyn Monroe-like creature everyone insists on recreating again and again is not doing anyone any favors.