Breakups can be really, really awful. You’re crying all the time, you feel sick to your stomach constantly, every place in town serves as a reminder of a kiss or a laugh or a moment when your partner burped in your face but you loved them so much it didn’t matter (it was almost hot, in fact). I mean, uh…BREAKUPS. Yes. Hypothetical awful breakup stuff.
Splits between two people are natural and have been happening for — well, probably since people started having relationships. And judging by our existence as a species, that was likely a quick occurrence due to that whole “evolution” deal. But social media has made breakups so, so much more frustrating.
In the past, a pair could become two singles and that was that. If you avoided places you knew that person frequented and never picked up the phone to drunkenly beg their forgiveness, you were in the clear! Breakup initiated, relationship terminated, game over.
This is not the case anymore. Now, you can not only watch your relationship crumble, you can also see everyone’s responses to it and the evolution of that person’s romantic life post-you. Fun, eh? If only the Internet could describe how we feel…
1. Noticing you’re still “in a relationship” on Facebook.
2. Changing that.
3. Realizing he/she already changed their own status…
4. …Prior to actually breaking up.
5. Seeing your ex’s first tweet about a date.
6. Oh, it was smiley face-worthy, you insensitive fuck?
8. Not that you, like, care or anything.
9. Nope. Not at all.
10. Not. At. All.
11. OH GOD HE CAPTIONED IT WITH CAT EMOJIS.
12. …And hashtagged it #VACATION.
13. But you don’t want to unfollow your ex because that would be so very petty.
14. And yet you cannot look away.
15. Wait, is your ex seriously Tumbling another John Mayer song hashtagged #newlove?
16. This is starting to get ridiculous and you are now officially reminded why you two weren’t good together in the first place.
17. So you decide to just watch their shitshow unfold because schadenfreude.
18. After a while, you think: hey, know what? Maybe there’s no harm in unfollowing.
19. And unfriending.
20. And now life is cool and the Internet is safe once again! You win!
21. Okay, maybe you’ll just check one more time.
For the record, these are not all practices or habits I actually possess. I see social media in breakups as a hinderance and prefer to just completely ignore the existence of most of my exes unless I’m actually seeing them in the flesh or talking on the phone. But I certainly did most of these as a teenager and have watched so many friends (not to mention exes of my own) do quite a bit of e-stalking, and it’s always been depressing as hell. Of course, I am guilty of plenty of this stuff; just not all of it, or I would physically implode. In a literal way. Yes. Literally.