My partner and I are joined at the hip in a way that relationship “experts” frequently advise people not to be. For the most part we have the same friends, the same hobbies, the same interests, etc. He doesn’t have “guys’ night” with his male friends, because those guys are my friends too and I also like trivia night and game night and Battlestar Galactica night. The same holds for “girls’ night” and things like that. It wasn’t intentional. Nobody ever said, “We must be together exclusively and never apart, ever!” because that would be crazy. We just like all the same things and people, so it sort of happens that we’re pretty much always together when we’re not working. It works for us.
The only real exception to that pattern of behavior is when one of us is out of town for work or has an event of some variety to go to. He might have to go to a conference or a job talk. I might have to cover an event or a trade show. Fashion Week is a unique happening, because when I cover it I am basically out of the house from early morning to after midnight for about nine days. I asked my partner if his normal routine changes at all during Fashion Week, and he sent back a list of all the things he’d done last time I was off covering the shows for a week:
1. Eat 20 pounds of dried cranberries
He has a cranberry problem. If I am around, I will say, “Do not eat all the cranberries! We bought in bulk and you will get sick to your stomach and I will not have any leftover for salads or cookies!” If I am not around, he will eat all the cranberries. (I’m not kidding, he once saw the nutritional content on a bag of cranberries and calculated, horror-struck, that he’d eaten 10,000 calories of dried cranberries in an afternoon.)
2. Play guitar while the TV is on
He likes being able to play guitar while the TV is on. I like being able to hear Aaron Paul say, “Bitch” on Breaking Bad. We’ve come to an understanding.
3. Fell asleep on the couch without getting up to brush his teeth
4. Replace all the flowers with the kind that look like artichoke hearts
That was awesome. I came back one day and the house was full of these weird freaky flowers with spiky heads. We still don’t know what they’re called or how to find them again.
5. Spray-paint stencils on all the furniture
If I’m allowed to redecorate the house while he’s gone, it’s only fair that he be able to do the same.
6. Play Fatal Frame or Amnesia with the lights off.
I love horror movies but hate horror video games. I especially hate when he plays them after I’ve gone to bed, because sometimes I go to bed with him watching something cute like Adventure Time and wake up hours later in that half-sleep zone to hear someone in the other room screaming, “I AM BEING BURNED ALIVE!” Let me tell you, that’s way scarier than any zombie movie.
7. Read all the Wikipedia summaries of recent horror movies, so I can get out of watching them on demand
He really hates horror movies, even the funny ones.
8. Go to the Chair Museum
I don’t know why this is fun.
9. Bathtub food
*Throws up hands*
10. Barrel-age cocktails
I would have been annoyed at having been left out of this awesome activity, except I got home and there was a little wooden barrel full of aged negroni to drink. Post-Fashion Week relaxing just got a lot easier.