• Tue, Sep 17 - 1:20 pm ET

10 Things More Powerful Than A Beautiful Woman

tom ford women

Tom Ford is on a bit of a power trip right now. Right after his Spring 2014 fashion show in London last night, he had a chat with Vogue U.K. and gushed about the inspiration behind the collection:

“Powerful, powerful, powerful, powerful,” he gushed, sounding like Ben Affleck on a Red Bull talking about comic books. ”She could snap your neck with her thighs!”

Ford cited his usual inspirations, glamazon models from the 70s and 80s like Linda Evangelista and Elle Macpherson, who had the sort of power that inspires Ford, by which he seems to be speaking of a specific body type that he’s still looking for today.

“I don’t know that you noticed but those girls had swimmers’ shoulders and toned thighs,” he said of his runway models this season, “most of them, everyone that I could find.”

It’s sad that a designer of Ford’s stature couldn’t find enough buff models to fill his show — doesn’t it seem like agencies could find and sign whatever type of model Tom Ford wants? And Ford wants powerful women, or maybe he means he wants beautiful women, because he says beautiful women are the most powerful thing in the world.

“There’s nothing more powerful than a beautiful woman in our culture,” he told Vogue UK.

While we won’t deny that beauty has its privileges, we definitely don’t agree that there’s nothing more powerful than a conventionally attractive woman. Just off the top of our heads, here are 10 things more powerful than a beautiful woman:

1. Heads of state.

A beautiful woman may turn heads, but heads of state have a global impact far beyond that of a woman who is just beautiful.

2. Tigers. 

Tigers can crush bones with their teeth and tear a grown man apart like a catnip toy. If a beautiful woman and a tiger got in a fight, I would bet on the tiger, unless of course the woman had a special anti-tiger gun and knew how to use it.

3. Old women. 

Women who have racked up achievements and power over the years tend to be much more powerful than women who are still young and conventionally beautiful. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was once an extremely beautiful young college student. While she still looks great at 80 and was undoubtedly a very impressive woman at 20, there’s no question that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is way, way more powerful now than she was in 1953.

4. Paul the psychic octopus. 

Most beautiful women are in fact considerably more powerful than an ordinary octopus, but we’re pretty sure Paul had psychic powers. Beauty may convey a type of social power, but it is not actually a superpower.

5. Billionaires.

A lot of people think beautiful women get whatever they want, but they’re wrong. Money is basically a super power, though. Spanx founder Sarah Blakely is both a conventionally beautiful woman and a billionaire, we should ask her which has given her more power in life: Pretty hair or a billion dollars. We’re pretty sure it’s the latter.

6. Sharks.

The shark from Jaws ate like 14 beautiful women. Most beautiful women are in fact just as weak against sharks as billionaires, women who are not conventionally attractive, and heads of state are.

7. Bombs.

During the Cold War the Soviet Union detonated a hydrogen bomb that could vaporize everything in a 40-mile radius of its target. The most beautiful woman ever studied by science was only able to vaporize two city blocks. Beauty is not that powerful compared with a hydrogen bomb.

8. Botox.

Botulinum toxin is the most powerful poison in the world. According to Forbes, a single gram of it is powerful enough to kill a million people.

9. Lightning.

Remember how beautiful Lea Thompson was in Back to the Future? She was really very beautiful, but she was not beautiful enough to get Marty McFly back to the future. Only a lightning bolt was powerful enough to do that.

10. Love.

With the power of love, you don’t need money, you don’t need fame. You don’t need no credit card to ride this train. That’s the power of love.

 

Share This Post:
  • Samantha_Escobar

    Wonderful. Especially number 6, holy shit.

  • Sean

    Oh sure, they finally declassify Project Flapper and every civilian knows about how Subject 19 destroyed two blocks with a single wink.

  • Anne Marie Hawkins

    First thought was: what’s more powerful than a beautiful woman? And ugly man in a patriarchal society.

  • Adi

    Regular octopuses are way more powerful than beautiful women. Have you seen those things? They’re strong as shit.