• Tue, Sep 17 2013

Absurd Thoughts I’ve Had While Masturbating, In GIFs

As an avid advocate for masturbation, I am neither ashamed nor conflicted regarding the loveliness of self pleasure. I think it’s deeply important to have a healthy relationship with your body, particularly when it comes to your good ol’ genitals. So, why am I constantly having incredibly bizarre thoughts while going at it alone? And why are Breaking Bad GIFs so damn pertinent?

1. Time to relax. This will take — what, 5 minutes?

popcorn gif

2. But my roommates can totally hear my vibrator.

3. And somebody is definitely watching from the window across the alley.

spying gif

4. Wait, how have I never noticed that that’s a church?

That-Awkward-Moment-harry-potter

5. Oh god, a priest has just judged me for my porn habits.

6. AND SO HAS GOD.

Via OCA.

Via OCA.

7. Eh, what am I gonna do?

hades gonna hade

8. Ah, finally a clip that is longer than 30 seconds.

9. What is the equivalent of penis pumps for women?

10. Wait, a quick dance around my imagination with that thought gives me a terrible image.

mother of god gif

Via Tumblr.

11. Guh, I need to call FreshDirect about messing up my order.

jen aniston

12. They seriously forgot 2 pizzas.

13. They also keep calling me “Sarah.” What the hell?

sudden change say my name

14. I mean, really, that sounds surprisingly little like “Sam.”

bb say it

15. Oh god, this is taking forever. If my roommates can hear me, they probably think I’ve passed out with this thing all up on me.

emma-roberts-sleep-totally-awkward-moment-funny

16. Oh, good, I can hear American Horror Story on next door.

cover-ears

17. For shit’s sake, I cannot handle all these LiveJasmin popups, Tube8.

panda comp gif

18. …Aaaaand I finished. Wait, did I? I did. Okay.

i think we're done here

19. Then again, thank goodness for the Internet.

20. I really need curtains.

hi-there-camera

21. Eh, maybe I’m secretly an exhibitionist.

exhibitionist gif

22. I need a snack.

himym

23. Perhaps pizza! …Oh, wait.

Icant2

Share This Post:
  • http://ThePeppercat.com/ Candace

    HAHAHA #18 is always exactly how it goes

  • sasbranding

    #3 — My bedroom window points out to an inner courtyard. Almost every apartment in the complex has a window pointing into the tiny courtyard. Everyone can see everything. Does that keep me from getting bussiness done? Nope. For that matter has that fact led me to not walk around in the nude/invest in some actual curtains and not just a bathrobe I occasionally hang in front of the said windows? Nope nope nope.

    • sasbranding

      UPDATE: a neighbor across the way on the floor above me put a hidden camera sticking out their window. This went from ‘whoops I’m indecent’ to … shit, this shits creepy

    • sherry_b

      omg! you’re Ugly Naked Guy!

      (please understand i call you this only for the reference and nothing to do with your looks or sex because your icon is quite attractive and i dont know if it’s even you)

      (sorry that disclaimer made this stupid i just hate the idea of being mean to strangers)

  • Sean

    XHamster.com has only one pop-up, then it never bothers you again.

    Just sayin’.