Guys, it’s finally happening: mullets are returning to fashion. We have known this day would come, we did not know how soon it would be, only that when it arrived, we would have to shield ourselves under tarps made of Supercuts haircutting capes.
Throughout history, there have been many a mullet, but none have ever look good. No, really. Not one. Not even Joe Dirt up there. But apparently, they are finally coming back, though I have no idea how this snuck up on me so horribly.
Try though I did, I never was able to get into the “mullet dress” trend, so it’s no wonder that I am strongly opposed to mullets in their hair forms. Fortunately, I have a feeling that — unlike the mullet dress/skirt style — this bandwagon will only be heavily hopped on by famous people and models. I am both hoping and praying that my prediction is correct, lest I have a bunch of friends asking me if I like their new high-low haircuts and then remembering how awful I am at acting.
Styles I wish would come into trendiness prior to the mullet’s return:
- The Friar Tuck
- Lightning Bolt Mutton Chops
- The “I Wanna Be A Hairdresser And I’m 7-Years-Old”
Really, I just want anything that will not involve a creepy rat tail thing down the back of a human’s neck. Please. Please god no. I really like rats, but good gracious.
That said, there are ways to go about the short-in-front-long-in-back thing without looking like a remarkable douchebag. As Fashionista pointed out, having a teased pseudo-mullet could look decent. I wouldn’t personally do it, but that’s because I have a rather large head and I need not make it look any larger (no, really, I do; most normal-sized hats don’t fit me unless they’re stretchy). But if you’re planning on doing this style, I suppose I can’t stop you (and shouldn’t, as it’s not my hair you’ll be cutting). As long as you shave TheGloss’ logo into at least one side of your head, I think we can be cool.