Gwyneth Paltrow: the Damien Hirst of the lifestyle branding world.
No, but seriously. I’m starting to think she is just #trolling #haters with her exorbitantly priced “basics” and even more absurd “collaborations.” How else could she justify “collaborating” with designer Matthew Williamson on a half assedly bedazzled sweatshirt and slapping a hilariously arbitrary $845 pricetag on it?
Writes Gwyneth (or whoever is responsible with the breezily decadent late capitalist copy on GOOP):
“Together with Matthew Williamson, we’ve made the perfect statement sweatshirt for fall. The slimfit cut (like your favorite highschool sweatshirt) in olive green cotton jersey and intricate Swarovski embellishment works with denim jeans, switching to a pencil skirt for evening.”
Wait, you can wear it during the day or at night? That’s basically like getting three garments for the price of one! Never let it be said that Gwyneth is not a down-to-earth curator of bargains for moms like you.
And what, pray tell, does this magical garment look like?
No, really. That is the $845 sweatshirt. LOL!
Writes Williamson, explaining nothing:
“I am happy to be able to bring this exclusive piece to Goop. It’s such an effortless piece for Autumn, the crystal embroidered neckline adds a twist to the classic off-duty sweatshirt adding a decadent touch to a wardrobe staple.”
The bedazzling consists of actual Swarovski crystals, which helps explain why the thing costs so much. But this just seems stupid and unnecessary, even if you’re the kind of person who likes fancy shit. What’s next, a fucking bridal romper? A GOLD PLATED TOILET? …Oh yeah.
But if you, like me, find yourself liking this thing in spite of yourself, the good news is there are waaaay cheaper options out there. Forever 21 already appears to have knocked it off (or did Gwyneth knock them off? Scandalous!), or if grey’s not your bag, similar results can be attained using an American Apparel sweatshirt ($55) and a Bedazzler ($19.95).